martinmac Posted November 15, 2007 Share Posted November 15, 2007 The twelve Days of Christmas My Dearest Darling Hubert, Santa Left me a Partridge in a Pear Tree on my Doorstep this morning, I know they came from you, what a romantic gift. Thank You Darling!! Agnes My Darling Hubert, You paid me another visit in the night, 2 turtle doves this time, they are adorable, your are so generous, your ever-loving, Agnes. Dearest Hubert, To-day, I received your very sweet gift of 3 French Hens. I am delighted, I insist, you are too kind. Your Loving, Agnes. Dear Hubert, What can I say, 4 calling birds arrived with the Postman this am. your kindness is really too much, Love Agnes. Hubert Dear, What a surprise! The postman came with 5 Gold rings, one for each finger. You really are impossible. Frankly the birds are beginning to squawk and get on my bloody nerves. Cordially your Agnes. Hubert, When I opened the door this morning, there were 6 Bloody great geese laying eggs all over my doorstep. What on earth do you think I can do with them. I cant sleep for the noise. Sincerely your Agnes. Bert, what is it with these sodding birds, Now I get 7 swans a`swimming. Is this some sick joke? The house is full of bird @*!#, stop sending bloody birds. OK BUSTER! I think I prefer the birds, what am I to do with 8 maids a`milking? Now I have 8 cows shitting all over the house and mooing all night. Lay OFF!! Agnes Look @*!# Head, What are you some kinda nut? Now I have got 9 pipers piping, and chasing the milk maids all through the cow @*!#, and the cows are trading on the birds, Enough!! Agnes. You Rotten Bastard, Now I`ve got `10 ladies dancing and pulling the pipers all night. The cows have the shits, my living room is a sea of @*!#. To hell with your presents, Agnes Listen @*!# Face, To-day I`ve received 11 lords a`leaping all over the maids, the pipers are fighting with the Lords, the birds are dead and rotting. I hate your guts, your sworn enemy Agnes. You lousy miscreant, To-day, 12 Drummers drumming have teamed up with the pipers making one hell of a din. Both lots are fighting with the lords. I dont know what happened to the maids, they probably drowned in the cow @*!#. The only way I have remained safe is to climb up the sodding pear tree, that`s so well fertilised that it`s grown through the roof Agnes. MERRY CHRISTMAS !!!!!!!!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zedrush Posted November 15, 2007 Share Posted November 15, 2007 always good to see the otherside of the story, maybe not true love, but angry ex getting his own back classic Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trev-the-Rev Posted November 15, 2007 Share Posted November 15, 2007 Nice one - I needed a laugh Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sl114 Posted November 15, 2007 Share Posted November 15, 2007 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian Posted November 15, 2007 Share Posted November 15, 2007 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Digsy Posted November 15, 2007 Share Posted November 15, 2007 F**k me, Martin, my old man had the single of this. Some laconic Irishman talking it over the traditional tune. Funny the first few times but by New Year it was lucky to escape becoming a frisbee. Must be 20 years since I heard it. Made me chuckle now though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Digsy Posted November 15, 2007 Share Posted November 15, 2007 OMG just found it on YouTube and its only the bloke who went on to play Father Jack! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
martinmac Posted November 16, 2007 Author Share Posted November 16, 2007 OMG just found it on YouTube and its only the bloke who went on to play Father Jack! Thats right, I have it on tape somewhere. Lot better than reading it. And as you say, it does start to get irritating Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stew Posted November 16, 2007 Share Posted November 16, 2007 DRINK! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian Posted November 16, 2007 Share Posted November 16, 2007 FECK! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jim Posted November 16, 2007 Share Posted November 16, 2007 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neo Posted November 17, 2007 Share Posted November 17, 2007 ARSE Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GC350z Posted November 17, 2007 Share Posted November 17, 2007 And to finish off Jack's musings... GIRLS! FECK OFF! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neo Posted November 17, 2007 Share Posted November 17, 2007 nice one Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian Posted November 17, 2007 Share Posted November 17, 2007 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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