nixy Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 When I was married we had two joint bank accounts. One got both our salaries paid in ( we worked equal hours at equally stressful jobs but he earned more). The bills were all paid from that account and what was left over from our joint money went into another account we called "the spending account". It worked ok but it meant neither of us had money that was just our own. This meant I couldn't save for anything like new wheels! Since divorcing I value my independence so much more and earn a lot more! I wouldn't want a joint account anymore but would pay for bills etc in a fair way based on what each person earned. I don't live with my boyfriend we both have our own houses and bills at the moment but when we go out he pays slightly more often than I do and usually drives but we mostly eat at my house and I love cooking and buy all the food whereas at his it's spaghetti hoops on toast! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SteveM Posted October 30, 2014 Author Share Posted October 30, 2014 its all this 'we split the bills' or 'i pay these bills she pays those bills' bit that seems like a lot of fuss to me.... i guess up to a point we are too lazy to be bothered to look at the bills enough to work out who owes what! we pay all 'our' money into one account then both have a standing order each week out to our own accounts so we each have our own money to play with and spend as we want on silly or expensive things as the balance allows. i do tend to do all the money management on the joint and mortgage account floating money from one to the other when the balance gets high (we can pay off the mortgage without penalties) all i do is make sure that there is enough in the main account to pay bills, credit cards and have a bit in reserve for unknown stuff. as for savings..... she pays into a work saving scheme (shares) which works very well! and i pay into a second mortgage on a flat that we both own i guess looking at it in the early days she carried me money wise then i carried her while she went through university then a few years later we have ended up on similar money. we dont worry about each other buying silly things as that doesnt come out of the joint account and bigger things like cars and holidays are discussed and come from our joint money i guess i have been suprised by the amount of people that do the seperate account thing....... it seems by haveing a joint account we are in the minority! i thought it would be the other way round Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PiGFoetus Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 i guess up to a point we are too lazy to be bothered to look at the bills enough to work out who owes what! I think there's perhaps a difference in outlook here? Although we have separate accounts and "split the bills", they are by no means split evenly. There's no concept of owing the other or seeking equality of contribution. It's just how we've always done things, it works and it takes energy to change. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harryjax Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 To put things in context. I'm enjoying a lovely Pinot, while wondering about what it must feel like to leave the comfort of planet earth while riding on a Saturn 5 rocket.......my god humanity is wonderful! That's a bit heavy. HOW many bottles have you knocked back. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Commander Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 I earn a few grand a year more than my g/f, but the extra gets roped in to a share save scheme so we both come out with about the same every month. We both put the same money in to a joint account where all the mortgage and bills come from, and where we're slowly building up some savings as we each contribute more than it costs to run the house. When it comes to payday for the share save scheme, although I'm the one that saved all the money, it will be considered as joint funds and we'll both agree what to do with it. After all of that, we both then have our own savings that we can do whatever we like with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kraziekatz1 Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 Ok, not sure we've ever sat down and thought if this is the right way to do things but.... We have completely separate bank accounts, savings accounts etc. Hubby's salary is probably double mine......I guess that's what you get for being a crazy scientist, it's not about the money but all about making the world a better place (so they tell me anyway). Still you never grow bored of making dry ice bombs and an office job would drive me nutz. Hubby pays the mortgage, holidays, household appliances and emergencies and I pay the bills, childcare, shopping....pretty much everything else. I'm quite good at magically making money appear from thin air for small treats, as most women can. And then for those extra special treats for example a 350z, Scooby WRX, Nirvana Spa day (currently working on a GTR track day at Brands for next year)..............well, hubby always seems to have spare cash and I know how to get my own way....so it's a win - win situation 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ATTAK Z Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 Has anyone ever bought their wife an iron or a washing machine as a birthday, anniversary or Christmas present ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ioneabee Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 Has anyone ever bought their wife an iron or a washing machine as a birthday, anniversary or Christmas present ? better than that some of the list consists of a wheel barrow a steam mop a potato peeler and my piece de resistance..............a toilet seat there are many more 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AliveBoy Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 I've done the steam mop too, she loved it, and I'm not even joking 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kraziekatz1 Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 if I earn 50% more then I'd pay 50% more. Not a problem its just a case of using a bit of maths. We earn roughly the same, but when my wife was on maternity leave, as her income decreased, what I paid onto the pot increased. Rule in our house is fairness. Seriously I'm not having a go at you and it is the right thing to do in those circumstances. For most people it feels good to know someone else is the breadwinner and the provider but for me I need my independence. When we had our first child and I was on maternity leave (I took a year and got full pay for 6 mths), hubby gave me money to cover the bills but several times I had to ask for additional money for little unexpected things. I never told him but I absolutely hated it, it was one of the most degrading things I've ever had to do....to ask for money for food or baby clothes and feel I have to justify everything I've spent. With our second child, I went back to work as soon as my money stopped. I never want to feel that vulnerable and reliant on someone ever again! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kraziekatz1 Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 Has anyone ever bought their wife an iron or a washing machine as a birthday, anniversary or Christmas present ? better than that some of the list consists of a wheel barrow a steam mop a potato peeler and my piece de resistance..............a toilet seat there are many more Bet she gets you some cracking gifts Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flex Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 I've done the steam mop too, she loved it, and I'm not even joking who doesn't like a steamer? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AliveBoy Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 I've done the steam mop too, she loved it, and I'm not even joking who doesn't like a steamer? Oh dear god! Not like that Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keyser Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 Has anyone ever bought their wife an iron or a washing machine as a birthday, anniversary or Christmas present ? Dishwasher 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twobears Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 "...one of the most degrading things I've ever had to do....to ask for money for food or baby clothes" Kraziekatz1, not trying to be horrible but that sounds really odd to me. Was your husband eating food too and was the baby for whom you needed clothes, his baby? If so, I am not sure why it was degrading to ask him to pay for those things if you needed to feed and clothe yourselves and your baby? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
martinmac Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 Two presents that friends bought their wives for Christmas. A wheelie bin and a set of bathroom taps. My wife is I think very lucky and gets good presents. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keyser Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 Two presents that friends bought their wives for Christmas. A wheelie bin and a set of bathroom taps. My wife is I think very lucky and gets good presents. My wife gets good presents! It was a very nice dishwasher 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ioneabee Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 I concurr - it was a very nice loo seat 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
martinmac Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 Then again I get very good presents too, especially next year. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
techinstaller Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 I never thought i would disscuss this kind of topic on a forum ,but strangly after reading the entire thread have done so..! I am also the older by 9 years than my wife and the main earner .We have been married for more than 10 years and together for 17 years . We have never had any joint accounts and money is never disscussed really my wife works 2 short days a week and looks after our 8yr old and 3yr old ,any money she earns is hers to do with as she pleases which would most likely be spent on the kids needs or entertainment and some of her personal needs which are few really ,she is in her thirties if it makes any difference. I run my own buisness's and earn the money ,I pay the house bills and food etc ,i would normally pay for days out or holidays ,i also provide her with a car and pay all the costs except the fuel ,If she runs out of money or things are needed she knows i will deal with it or if im not available i will have someone else deal with it . All i ask is that she does not question my need to work and knows that i may keep odd or long hours etc. Rightly or wrongly she has no idea as far as i am aware of what my or our finances are. Im probably considered old school in my views but she has no need to know the finances or the workings of my business's really. My wife loves the fact she needs not to work much and can be there for the kids and thats good for all of us 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bockaaarck Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 To put things in context. I'm enjoying a lovely Pinot, while wondering about what it must feel like to leave the comfort of planet earth while riding on a Saturn 5 rocket.......my god humanity is wonderful! That's a bit heavy. HOW many bottles have you knocked back. I may have 'imbibed' a little 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GNRakn Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 This threads really good in two distinct ways, firstly I'm fresh in this forum and I'm really impressed this type of topics discussed, and secondly my wife and I have just celebrated our first years anniversary! When we started our lives together money was unfortunately a big thing because I spent it like water!! Years on I have a greater appreciation, we've decided not to join the accounts because we both enjoy 'our' own money, that said if she'd like an extra £50 for fuel I'm not fussed to help out. But we don't keep track and that's the biggest thing I think, I'm never chasing up on the lent money because it's no big ish. There's also a good divide of spending too, she deals with the bills whilst I do the house and pet costs, two food shops each a month or there abouts. Works well and I'm of the 'if it isn't broken, don't fix it' opinion. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
martinmac Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 Its never easy in the beginning but it gets a lot easier over time. I have driven the rubbish cars and been skint but it gets a lot easier over time. Looking at house prices now I dont know how people start off. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clarkie Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 I pay the bills, mortgage etc etc. But she saves the equivalent of what she would pay. We then take what she saves and put it towards the mortgage. Seperate accounts. I earn more than her so any extras tend to come from me but she will save as well. A joint account would serve to confuse matters. We're good at saving separately and it works. Also lets me buy zed bits! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sarnie Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 This is naturally an evocative topic, of which we can all relate. In an ideal world, each partner would earn the same, all money goes into one account, bills paid and then each spends the same amount on additional recreational spending. However, life sticks a massive spanner in the works. Seven years ago I lived in a house with my girlfriend (my now Wife) with no kids, and mentioned buying a Gallardo. Three weeks later it was on the drive. No further conversation needed. However I think as you mature and get older your perspective changes. We now have a 5 year old son and a 2 year old daughter. My Wife has had three out of the last five years off work unpaid, which I have paid for. I would never see it as money owed, as far as I was concerned I was paying for the best thing that any child could have which is to have their Mother around them full time. My job is to provide, my wife's is to nurture. My Wife works one less shift a week than she should as we needed her round the kids, I cover that loss of income for her. It actually benefits me, and us all, to pay my Wife to not work so that I can, as I have a larger capacity to earn money than she does, even though she earns £35k a year which isn't a pittance!! A female poster posted previously that she felt almost humiliated to ask her husband for money and hated feeling 'dependent', which is indicative of current society. Years ago women were brought up to expect to be an obedient housewife, now they are groomed to be fiercely independent, which is perfectly fine but is it the best thing for a family for a Mother to go back to work barely months after a kid has been born just to be able to pay 50% of the bills??? Whats the point in sending a kid off the full time childcare for a random woman to witness your kids first steps, words or any other poignant moments? Anyway, enough of that @*!#. My five year car sabbatical is done, I'm buying a fast, loud TWO seater sports car!!! haha 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.