rabbitstew Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 One last point though, why did you allow yourself to be changed to try to please someone else? I might modify some aspects of my behaviour if they were really annoying (fortunately I've never been asked to because Mr Twobears is very easy going) but I wouldn't change the essence of who I was, no matter who was asking me. Doesn't it feel unnatural to dance to someone else's tune rather than doing/being what you want? Well initially you do it because you love the other person and want to make them happy. But then after several years of the other half stealthily implementing a "changing program" you suddenly realise that you no longer are doing any of the hobbies or interests you loved doing before and are little more than someone who spends all day working or cleaning the house for a partner who is becoming more and more lazy. It then makes you feel really unhappy and depressed. Ive never tried to change anyone ive dated. If I didnt like them as they were then why would I date them in the first place. I remember once dating a girl who started piling on the weight and I did make the rookie mistake of mentioning it to her and suggesting maybe she would like to go running with me in the mornings etc. That (strangely enough) didnt go down well, so I never made that mistake again. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StevoD Posted October 2, 2014 Author Share Posted October 2, 2014 One last point though, why did you allow yourself to be changed to try to please someone else? I might modify some aspects of my behaviour if they were really annoying (fortunately I've never been asked to because Mr Twobears is very easy going) but I wouldn't change the essence of who I was, no matter who was asking me. Doesn't it feel unnatural to dance to someone else's tune rather than doing/being what you want? Well initially you do it because you love the other person and want to make them happy. But then after several years of the other half stealthily implementing a "changing program" you suddenly realise that you no longer are doing any of the hobbies or interests you loved doing before and are little more than someone who spends all day working or cleaning the house for a partner who is becoming more and more lazy. It then makes you feel really unhappy and depressed. Ive never tried to change anyone ive dated. If I didnt like them as they were then why would I date them in the first place. I remember once dating a girl who started piling on the weight and I did make the rookie mistake of mentioning it to her and suggesting maybe she would like to go running with me in the mornings etc. That (strangely enough) didnt go down well, so I never made that mistake again. This does make me laugh on your side and this is 100% true, my best mates long term partner was talking about a couple that recently got married and the words were something along the lines of ' Atleast Now shes married she can start getting fat as she doesnt have to worry about her looks anymore' 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mouthwash Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 Well initially you do it because you love the other person and want to make them happy. But then after several years of the other half stealthily implementing a "changing program" you suddenly realise that you no longer are doing any of the hobbies or interests you loved doing before and are little more than someone who spends all day working or cleaning the house for a partner who is becoming more and more lazy. It then makes you feel really unhappy and depressed. Ive never tried to change anyone ive dated. If I didnt like them as they were then why would I date them in the first place. I remember once dating a girl who started piling on the weight and I did make the rookie mistake of mentioning it to her and suggesting maybe she would like to go running with me in the mornings etc. That (strangely enough) didnt go down well, so I never made that mistake again. Maybe it's you? Maybe you're such a keeper that they start putting on the nesting fat ready for kids, they all see a future with you and you're all like 'B!tch, don't be lazy get off the sofa and rustle me up some 'dem chicken wings, then after that go for a run because you're putting on the pounds and I don't like it.' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rabbitstew Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 ' Atleast Now shes married she can start getting fat as she doesnt have to worry about her looks anymore' Maybe it's you? Maybe you're such a keeper that they start putting on the nesting fat ready for kids, they all see a future with you ... Me & my mates have a similar theory from our experiences along those lines. If the guy is one of these bad guys who probably is cheating on the girl and doesnt care less, maybe he lays the law down and is the dominant one in the relationship, then the woman has to make more of an effort to keep the bloke interested. That might be making sure she does her share around the house, maybe keeps him interested in the bedroom, make sure she doesnt get lazy etc. But if the bloke is clearly worshiping the ground she walks on and does everything for her then the woman now becomes the dominant one as she knows she doesnt have to now make any effort to keep the bloke. To avoid being called sexist im sure this happens the other way around also.... 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StevoD Posted October 2, 2014 Author Share Posted October 2, 2014 (edited) ' Atleast Now shes married she can start getting fat as she doesnt have to worry about her looks anymore' Maybe it's you? Maybe you're such a keeper that they start putting on the nesting fat ready for kids, they all see a future with you ... Me & my mates have a similar theory from our experiences along those lines. If the guy is one of these bad guys who probably is cheating on the girl and doesnt care less, maybe he lays the law down and is the dominant one in the relationship, then the woman has to make more of an effort to keep the bloke interested. That might be making sure she does her share around the house, maybe keeps him interested in the bedroom, make sure she doesnt get lazy etc. But if the bloke is clearly worshiping the ground she walks on and does everything for her then the woman now becomes the dominant one as she knows she doesnt have to now make any effort to keep the bloke. To avoid being called sexist im sure this happens the other way around also.... yea i know a few male servants, being chivalrous doesnt count if the girl expects/demand its / moans when she doesnt get it Edited October 2, 2014 by StevoD Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twobears Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 (edited) I wasn't going to weigh in on this thread again but StevoD I honestly think that, unless you stop griping about women, those you know/have known/those your mates know/have known/those you've read about on the internet etc you won't be successful in your attempt to find a girlfriend. You seem completely self-absorbed and I am sorry if that sounds harsh but maybe if you think about it you will see what I mean? Learn to love yourself AND others for who they are and stop your constant nit picking and fault finding and you will be a lot happier I can promise you. Edited October 2, 2014 by twobears Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mouthwash Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 There is no hope for you lot, you're too pessimistic. Stop projecting all your problems on to other individuals. If somebody was trying to change you against your will, then have the courage to stand up, say no and realise you're better off on your own. That doesn't automatically mean every single woman you're ever going to meet is the same. If someone cheats on you, see it as them saving you time in the long run as they've revealed the kind of individual they are and you've got the opportunity to find someone better. Jesus, you lot really need to start a sad mens club where you can go and be bitter all by yourselves and have a NO GIRLS ALLOWED sign up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rabbitstew Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 If somebody was trying to change you against your will, then have the courage to stand up, say no and realise you're better off on your own. That doesn't automatically mean every single woman you're ever going to meet is the same. Problem is, very often this changing is subtle and happens over long periods of time so you dont realise its happening. Its only when you sit back and suddenly realise. Also very often it happens after the couple get married so then its not as easy as telling her she`s dumped and moving on. So as soon as the ring goes on, her legs get firmly closed never to re-open, all the saucy undies are chucked in the bin to be replaced by a fleecy "onesee" and decides never to do any cleaning or cooking as she now has a slave, sorry, i mean "husband". Very often the bloke is hoping that things will change and go back to how they were, so puts up with it, then eventually it just becomes the "norm" and its only when he speaks to his mates and finds out they are being waited on hand & foot by their girlfriends/wifes then he realises its not the norm and he`s now stuck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mouthwash Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spursmaddave Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 I wasn't going to weigh in on this thread again but StevoD I honestly think that, unless you stop griping about women, those you know/have known/those your mates know/have known/those you've read about on the internet etc you won't be successful in your attempt to find a girlfriend. You seem completely self-absorbed and I am sorry if that sounds harsh but maybe if you think about it you will see what I mean? Learn to love yourself AND others for who they are and stop your constant nit picking and fault finding and you will be a lot happier I can promise you. Very well said Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StevoD Posted October 22, 2014 Author Share Posted October 22, 2014 ........................ I was told by an ex colleague it all works on a scale, which is silly but i can see his logic to a degree in it from what i see on a night out say for example 10 is good 1 is bad a number 5 girl will only accept a level 7 guy or above (so 2 levels of 'attractiveness' above them) which means a level 5 guy highest possibility is a girl of level 3 No i know that sound horsemuck and i said the same till we went out in Cambridge and he proved it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mouthwash Posted October 22, 2014 Share Posted October 22, 2014 Because that image was created by someone who's not biased or bitter at all Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StevoD Posted October 22, 2014 Author Share Posted October 22, 2014 on point with modern time tho Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mouthwash Posted October 22, 2014 Share Posted October 22, 2014 Is it?? Or just your twisted view on it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StevoD Posted October 22, 2014 Author Share Posted October 22, 2014 (edited) it how i (and other obviously ) see it haha Edited October 22, 2014 by StevoD Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SteveM Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 not connected in any way but what happened with the weight loss thing in the end? the thread kinda dropped off the radar? i guess in a small way it is connected having thought about it.... your own self worth and image with have a huge factor in how you feel about yourself and how you think other percieve you... so... there was a lot of talk and a lot of initial weight loss.. where did it go? you sticking with it Stevo? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angrybiker Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 Might sound dumb but if you want to meet girls when you're out, stop trying so hard to meet girls! They can smell desperation a mile off. And as for the whole "treat them mean keep them keen" theory, it definitely works but it's not exactly a great foundation for a relationship Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ekona Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 "Treat them mean, keep them dosed up on Rohypnol". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angrybiker Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 Haha. Not my style... I don't think I'd do well in prison Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ekona Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 Yeah, I'm not a fan of buttsex either. Well, at least not when I'm the tunnel instead of the train. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AliveBoy Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 Yeah, I'm not a fan of buttsex either. Well, at least not when I'm the tunnel instead of the train. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ekona Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 Bet you pictured it though Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AliveBoy Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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