Digsy Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 Dan, I feel for you, mate. There's tons of good advice on here and I wouldn't disagree with any of it. It has to hurt like hell to get better but it will. Nice to see that this place can offer heartfelt and genuine support when its needed. That's why I love you guys. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan Posted July 23, 2007 Author Share Posted July 23, 2007 I think the biggest problem I have is that when people say talk it through with a "friend", she is the person I would have talked it through with I've lost my best pal too Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
martinmac Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 Dan, I feel for you, mate. There's tons of good advice on here and I wouldn't disagree with any of it. It has to hurt like hell to get better but it will. Nice to see that this place can offer heartfelt and genuine support when its needed. That's why I love you guys. Nice to have a thread I have experience in, makes a change from me asking daft questions. Trust us Dan, it will get better. What you have to do is find a way of passing each day till it happens. Unfortunately lager and cars are an imperfect mix so make money and but that special car. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rmmackfc Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 Dan, I feel for you, mate. There's tons of good advice on here and I wouldn't disagree with any of it. It has to hurt like hell to get better but it will. Nice to see that this place can offer heartfelt and genuine support when its needed. That's why I love you guys. Nice to have a thread I have experience in, makes a change from me asking daft questions. Trust us Dan, it will get better. What you have to do is find a way of passing each day till it happens. Unfortunately lager and cars are an imperfect mix so make money and but that special car. Lager and taxis are a perfect mix though! Get a few mates and go for a night out to take your mind off things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zedrush Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 I think the biggest problem I have is that when people say talk it through with a "friend", she is the person I would have talked it through with I've lost my best pal too Dan we are always here for ya now, and you can treat us like family, (by the way can I have some pocket money lol) How about we get a group of us too meet up one weekend and go out on the town near your way, Im due a weekend break from work, and love going to different places Limiter will come, we will get booked up in a hotel near your town get a load of us and go out on the lash (although I dont drink so I will be on semi skimmed milk all night lol) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stuey Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 been there just a few months ago dan............ i think that stayin in touch is just unessary self torture.......... get a clean break and after a few months you willl see her differantly and then perhaps if you was to see her you probally be warm to her but in a differant way........ its hard but time is the key.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacko Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 I think the biggest problem I have is that when people say talk it through with a "friend", she is the person I would have talked it through with I've lost my best pal too Dan, thats exactly the same situation I was in...... I lost a girlfriend, my best friend and the woman that I thought I was going to be with for the rest of my life, have kids the works......and I'm so bloody fussy that that was the thing that was worst for me. What you have said about checking texts every day is a sign of how it would be if you kept in contact, especially every day...... it will eat away at you and you will not be able to move on. Don't get me wrong, its definitely not going to easy not to contact her as there will be times when you feel really low and lonely etc. But thats more the reason why you need to find something new that YOU want to do, to keep yourself occupied etc and trust me, no matter that its a big cliche, but in time it will get easier!! There is nothing to say that in the future that you will not be able to decide that you do want to stay in touch, its just that for now, its not the best thing for you to do! Keep your chin up mate, try not to dwell and beat yourself up...... it took me a long, long time but I finally realised that I did nothing wrong, everything right and at the end of the day then if she couldn't see the value in what we had, and that she wasn't going to get everything she had with me everyday....... then it was her loss and she WILL regret it someday. That's not arrogance, its just self worth, took me ages to get to that stage....... and you will get there as well mate. Its also good to see that people are not scared about talking about feelings on here. Who'd have thought that behind all that bravado and crap post whoring that theres a group of sensitve souls here Anyway Dan I know it seems like you on your own, but we're here for you mate! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndyC Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 Dan we are always here for ya now, and you can treat us like family, (by the way can I have some pocket money lol) How about we get a group of us too meet up one weekend and go out on the town near your way, Im due a weekend break from work, and love going to different places Limiter will come, we will get booked up in a hotel near your town get a load of us and go out on the lash (although I dont drink so I will be on semi skimmed milk all night lol) Beer is a great healer, I'm there for it!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan Posted July 23, 2007 Author Share Posted July 23, 2007 Top blokes, the lot of you. Thank you very much Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacko Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 Beer is a great healer, I'm there for it!! Beer and good mates out having a laugh is the BEST healer..... Beer on your own getting drunk is NOT! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Digsy Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 Beer is a great healer, I'm there for it!! Beer and good mates out having a laugh is the BEST healer..... Beer on your own getting drunk is NOT! Wise words indeed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacko Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 Wise words indeed. Thanks mate, I had to trek to the top of Mt Fuji to meet a wise old teacher who taught me that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan Posted July 23, 2007 Author Share Posted July 23, 2007 Dan, thats exactly the same situation I was in...... I lost a girlfriend, my best friend and the woman that I thought I was going to be with for the rest of my life, have kids the works Thats exactly where I was, I thought we were forever. We had both said it was forever, it seems only one of us really meant it ! She was so cute, she would say forver and ever and ever and ever...and then keep saying it for about 3 minutes I had no idea we had problems big enough to end the relationship, and it hurts me that rather than talking to me she just left instead. I'm sure we could have worked things out, I would have done anything. I am half certain she got scared, because we were at the "serious commitment" stage although she said she wanted to settle, have kids the whole thing I can't help thinking she got cold feet. My circumstances are slightly complicated, I have kids from a previous relationship and live in Blackburn, she lived in Glasgow so there were issues about her moving down here etc because my business is down here, although I employ people to run my business so me moving there wasn't out of the question. Her ex is just very convenient, she can see him every night, even move in with him like she did before without making any commitment and "just see what happens" ! I think he somehow weasled his way back into her life because he just lives around the corner and I'm 3 hours away. Perhaps I didn't see her enough, but she only had to say so and I would have been there more. I just wish she had talked to me and let us work it out. I guess it's obvious she had more problems than I was aware of and decided it wouldn't work out ! What hurts me most is how quickly she ended up back in his bed, it can't have been more than a week since she last slept with me and I really can't understand that after we were so close and so much in love. It makes me wonder if I ever really meant anything to her at all. Ah well, I really mustn't dwell any longer, I need to take my mind off her. You have all been great and I appreciate it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trev-the-Rev Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 Sorry to hear your news Dan but I agree with the advice already given that it's best to make a clean break of things and move on. And its your mates that can help you do that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zedrush Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 Dan, thats exactly the same situation I was in...... I lost a girlfriend, my best friend and the woman that I thought I was going to be with for the rest of my life, have kids the works Thats exactly where I was, I thought we were forever. We had both said it was forever, it seems only one of us really meant it ! She was so cute, she would say forver and ever and ever and ever...and then keep saying it for about 3 minutes I had no idea we had problems big enough to end the relationship, and it hurts me that rather than talking to me she just left instead. I'm sure we could have worked things out, I would have done anything. I am half certain she got scared, because we were at the "serious commitment" stage although she said she wanted to settle, have kids the whole thing I can't help thinking she got cold feet. My circumstances are slightly complicated, I have kids from a previous relationship and live in Blackburn, she lived in Glasgow so there were issues about her moving down here etc because my business is down here, although I employ people to run my business so me moving there wasn't out of the question. Her ex is just very convenient, she can see him every night, even move in with him like she did before without making any commitment and "just see what happens" ! I think he somehow weasled his way back into her life because he just lives around the corner and I'm 3 hours away. Perhaps I didn't see her enough, but she only had to say so and I would have been there more. I just wish she had talked to me and let us work it out. I guess it's obvious she had more problems than I was aware of and decided it wouldn't work out ! What hurts me most is how quickly she ended up back in his bed, it can't have been more than a week since she last slept with me and I really can't understand that after we were so close and so much in love. It makes me wonder if I ever really meant anything to her at all. Ah well, I really mustn't dwell any longer, I need to take my mind off her. You have all been great and I appreciate it. Sorry to highlight some of the things you said dude, but she really dosent sound like she was the one for you. The relationship has got to be 50/50 and by the sounds of it you were the one willing to make all the sacrifices Seriously, on that note you can do so so so much better, chill out for a bit, remember she lost out not you, you have got everything going for you, she hasnt got a clue what she wants and sorry to say sounds like what she says aint what she does. Not saying she didnt love you, just saying she is confused in herself. Women like that can never be helped, and women like that always seem to end up with blokes that treat them like crap. Perhaps she got cold feet because for the first time she had someone who respected her for her and she couldnt handle it, because it means she has to really open herself up and she aint ready to be vulnerable. By going back to her ex, its just a moment thing, but if she tries to come back in your life which she will (hence why her asking you to stay friend will make her coming back in your life easier) you have to put your foot down and realise that you come first, never ever let yourself open to be burnt twice. Delete her number and DO NOT GET TEMPTED TO CALL HER OR TEXT HER FOOLING YOURSELF THAT YOU JUST WANT TO KNOW IF SHE IS OKAY WHEN REALLY YOU WANT TO KNOW IF SHE IS COMING BACK !!! Dont do it dude been down that road, what dont kill ya only makes ya stronger. Now go buy yourself a car and keep your chin up Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TiN Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 Nothing new to add I'm afraid, but I agree with the general concensus about the "clean break" - and especially so when things seem to be fairly civil between you two... The moments of despair will come and go, but you will probably appreciate what have had, what you currently have, and what's on the horizon. So chin up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan Posted July 23, 2007 Author Share Posted July 23, 2007 DO NOT GET TEMPTED TO CALL HER OR TEXT HER FOOLING YOURSELF THAT YOU JUST WANT TO KNOW IF SHE IS OKAY WHEN REALLY YOU WANT TO KNOW IF SHE IS COMING BACK !!! Clever bugger, talk about reading between the lines ! You know me better than I do Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sinbad Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 Why don't you use your spare time to give your lad/kids more attention. It'll help take your mind off stuff and give your kids an extra wide smile that your spending more time with them. You can take them to some car events and kill two birds with one stone so to speak. I'm not sure how old they are but kids are great at listening, they never judge you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan Posted July 23, 2007 Author Share Posted July 23, 2007 Gemma is 10, Lewis is 8. They haven't got time for their Daddy, they are out with their friends all the time We have a Quad that Lewis and I play on together, Gemma likes being with her Mummy or talking to her boyfriend on the phone !!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MAB Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 Gemma is 10, Lewis is 8.They haven't got time for their Daddy, they are out with their friends all the time We have a Quad that Lewis and I play on together, Gemma likes being with her Mummy or talking to her boyfriend on the phone !!! You could take them away for a holiday - just the 3 of you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
martinmac Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 Hell, theres some good advice in here. Also amazing how many have been through similar things. May need a separate part of the forum!. Dan, you may find the geographical distance advantageous in the future, at least you wont bump into her in Tescost or the local. That used to be the worst bit, trying to stay one up. Think of it as like stopping smoking, each hour without texting is an hour on the road to recovery. Another thing I am expert in, given up loads of times and still doing it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zedrush Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 Best thing I did to keep my mind of it was join a gym and go there work out and before you know it whether you wanted to or not, you will be going on a date with one of the gym birds. Great place to meet people to, go to a commercial one not a dodgy steroid one. All the women in lycra....hmmmm, sod it, Im going gym tonight lol Before you know it, you will be so into your new image and improving you and enjoying life you wont even remember your ex's name Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacko Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 Best thing I did to keep my mind of it was join a gym and go there work out and before you know it whether you wanted to or not, you will be going on a date with one of the gym birds. Great place to meet people to, go to a commercial one not a dodgy steroid one. All the women in lycra....hmmmm, sod it, Im going gym tonight lol Before you know it, you will be so into your new image and improving you and enjoying life you wont even remember your ex's name Actually something like that tis a damn good idea. Whether its a gym or just playing a new sport..... If you start getting fitter, then you feel better about yourself which gives you more confidence, which in turns means you are more content and more likely to meet someone else! Good idea Zedrush! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sinbad Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 Jay have you seen the size of him in the pic?!! He wasn't born that size, im sure he goes the gym and does some powerlifting already. Dan - just get your arms out, they'll come flocking!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zedrush Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 lol so he is a hench mo fo already lol, ignore what I said, get your self an extra small t-shirt, grease yaself up squeeze in that shirt and look in the mirror and say damn I look good, then pass out through lack of oxygen lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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