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Just a few one liners...


GMballistic

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There was a guy riding through the desert on his camel. He had been traveling so long that he felt the need to have sex. Obviously there were no women in the desert so the man turned to his camel.

He tried to position himself to have sex with his camel but the camel ran away. The man ran to catch up to the camel and got back on and started to ride again. Soon he was feeling the urge to have sex again so once again he turned to his camel. The camel refused by running away. S

o he caught up to it again and go on it again.

Finally after riding the camel through the whole desert the man came to a road. There was a broken down car with three big chested beautiful blondes sitting in it.

He went up to them and asked the women if they needed any help.

The hottest girl said ,"If you fix our car we will do anything you want."

The man luckily knew a thing or two about cars and fixed it in a flash.

When he finished are three girls asked, "How could we ever repay you Mr."

After thinking for a short while he replied,"Could you hold my camel?"

Edited by WhackyWill
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A man sees a sign outside a house - 'Talking Dog For Sale.' He rings the bell,

 

the owner appears and tells him the dog can be viewed in the back garden.

 

The man sees a very nice looking Labrador Retriever sitting there.

 

"Do you really talk?" he asks the dog.

 

"Yes," the Labrador replies.

 

After recovering from the shock of hearing the dog talk, he man asks, "So, tell me your story."

 

The Labrador looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young.

 

I wanted to help the government, so I told the SAS.

 

"In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies

 

and world leaders, because no one imagined that a dog would be eavesdropping.

 

"I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years.

 

But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up

 

for a job at Heathrow to do some undercover security work, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I

 

uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded several medals. I got married, had a few puppies,

 

and now I've just retired."

 

The man is amazed. He goes back into the house and asks the owner how much he wants for the dog.

 

"Ten quid," the owner says.

 

"£10!!? But this dog is absolutely amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheaply?"

 

"Because he's a lying b*stard. He's never been out of the garden."

Edited by WhackyWill
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A carpenter was giving evidence about an accident he had witnessed. The lawyer for the defendant was trying to discredit him and asked him how far away he was from the accident.

The carpenter replied, "Twenty-seven feet, six and one-half inches."

"What? How come you are so sure of that distance?" asked the lawyer.

"Well, I knew sooner or later some idiot would ask me. So I measured it!" replied the carpenter.

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As I got into bed, wife asked me what I had been doing on the computer all evening. Looking for cheap flights I replied. Oooh I love you she said, cuddled up and we had great sex. Odd, she has never shown an interest in darts before .

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^^ Liked that one Jeff. :lol:;)

 

 

My old man just sent me this one via email:

 

 

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.

 

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels .

 

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'

 

 

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

 

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.

3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.

5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

 

 

Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters,
'No... not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.

 

:D

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