Jump to content

Just a few one liners...


GMballistic

Recommended Posts

ON

HIS DEATH BED

 

 

Bill Smith is on his deathbed, knows

the end is near.

 

 

His nurse, his wife, his

daughter and 2 sons, are with him.

 

 

"So", he

says to them:

 

 

"Bernie, I want you to take

the Mayfair houses."

 

 

"Sybil, take the

apartments over in Pall Mall ."

 

 

"Jamie, I

want you to take the offices over in City Centre."

 

 

 

"Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential

buildings on the Thames ."

 

 

The nurse is

just blown away by all this, and as Doug slips away, she says ,

 

 

 

"Mrs. Smith, your husband must have been such

a hard-working man to have accumulated all this property".

 

 

 

Sarah replies, "Property? ... the a****ole

had a paper round!"

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

'I shall be voting UKIP in the general election too as I'm worried black people will breed with homosexuals and create a master race of super dancers'

 

I'll be voting for UKIP as i just used a bottle of mr sheen and it says on the bottle that his polish...

 

 

From that recent # ukip backfire thing lol

Link to comment
Share on other sites

^^ Not bad. :lol:;)

 

You'll like this one then...... (not so short though)

 

 

Two dogs in the Vets, one is a mongrel the other a pedigree Alsatian.

 

Alsatian : Looks over to the mongrel and says, what the hell you crying for bro?

 

Mongrel : I'm having my bollox chopped off!!

 

Alsatian : Daaawwwg, that's bad, why such drastic measures?

 

Mongrel : I was just snooping around the front garden of my owners place, when the cat next door sniffed under the hedge and came through a small hole into my garden. The cat then proceeded to sniff round my garden, at which point it's tail lifted up high and exposed, well, you know ;)

 

Alsatian : Yeah go on.....

 

Mongrel : It's been a while, so I just gave the cat a Rocket Ronnie up the ar$e!!

 

Alsatian : And you're in here to have your bollocks chopped, that's a bit extreme.

 

Mongrel : My owner was informed of my actions by the cat's owner and as punishment I'm in here about to suffer the worst day of my life! So what you in here for then? You don't look upset to be in the Vets?

 

Alsatian : Well, I've been sent by my owner as a result of actions in our mansion the other night?

 

Mongrel : Do tell......

 

Alsatian : My owner was just getting out the shower, she's tall, blonde with a great body. As she left the bathroom her white towel slipped from around her body and dropped to the floor. As she bent over.....

 

Mongrel : yeah, go on......!!

 

Alsatian : She bent over to pick up her towel and her hot steamy body was glowing, and let me tell you, it's been a while. So I just did it!! BANG!!!

 

Mongrel : You're having a laugh!!

 

Alsatian : :teeth:

 

Mongrel : Hold on a mo..... I've shagged the neighbours cat and I'm loosing my gonads! You on the other hand are happy as Larry, so what are you at the Vets for?

 

Alsatian : I'm here to have my nails clipped!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

:lol:

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...