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Just a few one liners...


GMballistic

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A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time.

 

 

 

I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.

 

 

 

The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.

 

:D ;)

Edited by GMballistic
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I was driving this morning when I saw an RAC van parked up. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself that guy's heading for a breakdown.

 

 

 

Man calls 999 and says "I think my wife is dead" The operator says how do you know? He says "The sex is the same but the ironing is building up!"

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I was standing at the bar in Wales

and this small Chinese guy comes in, stands

next to me and starts drinking a beer.

I asked him, "Do you know any of those martial

arts things, like Kung-Fu, Karate or Ju-Jitsu ?"

He says "No, why the fluck you

ask me that? Is it because I am Chinese?"

"No", I said, "It's because you're

drinking my beer, you little pr*ck."

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^^ :lol:

 

 

I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin , 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it. I thought to myself , they've lost the plot!!

 

 

 

A wife says to her husband you're always pushing me around and talking behind my back.

He says what do you expect? You're in a wheelchair.

 

 

 

I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said I would like to come back as a cow. I said you're obviously not listening.

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Due to the current economic crisis,

 

Greece is cancelling all production of Humus and Taramasalata.

 

It's a double dip recession. :lol: :lol:

 

 

 

A dwarf goes to a very good but very busy doctor and asks

 

"I know you are busy but do you treat dwarves?"

 

The doctor replies "Yes, but you will have to be a little patient..! :lol: :lol:

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In hindsight I should have posted my Facebook status as:

 

"I've blown the head gasket on my 1999 XR3i" rather than

 

"I've just buggered a 14 year old escort".

 

The police still haven't seen the funny side, my lap top's been

 

confiscated, and the wife has gone off to her mum's. :scare: :scare:

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As a pipefitter we have some beauties for describing the folk who are less useful.....so here goes-

 

He's a bigger danger to pipe than rust

 

He couldn't fit a pipe in a snowman's mouth

 

Personally, I wouldn't employ him if he brought his own pipe.

 

Ah thank you and guneet!

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As a pipefitter we have some beauties for describing the folk who are less useful.....so here goes-

 

He's a bigger danger to pipe than rust

 

He couldn't fit a pipe in a snowman's mouth

 

Personally, I wouldn't employ him if he brought his own pipe.

 

Ah thank you and guneet!

tumbleweed-gif.gif

 

:D

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As a pipefitter we have some beauties for describing the folk who are less useful.....so here goes-

 

He's a bigger danger to pipe than rust

 

He couldn't fit a pipe in a snowman's mouth

 

Personally, I wouldn't employ him if he brought his own pipe.

 

Ah thank you and guneet!

tumbleweed-gif.gif

 

:D

 

They are one liners however....unlike your long winded attempts :o:o:o

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As a pipefitter we have some beauties for describing the folk who are less useful.....so here goes-

 

He's a bigger danger to pipe than rust

 

He couldn't fit a pipe in a snowman's mouth

 

Personally, I wouldn't employ him if he brought his own pipe.

 

Ah thank you and guneet!

tumbleweed-gif.gif

 

:D

 

They are one liners however....unlike your long winded attempts :o:o:o

Maybe they're funnier if you're a pipe fitter? :dry::p

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Jonathan Ross has been accused of shoplifting a kitchen utensil from Tesco.

 

Ross says it was a whisk he was prepared to take. :scare:

 

 

Paddy & Mick stagger out of the zoo with blood pouring from them.

 

"Blow that" said Paddy "That's the last time I go lion dancing" :scare:

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