Commander Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 So here's the thing... My g/f and I both work from home, we probably work in the same room for 4 days out of 5 and because this time together I get to hear her in work-mode. She's a bright and friendly girl, but she's also stubborn, blunt and head-strong. It's actually one of the things I like her for. Anyway, she's working her way up the ranks because she's good at her job, but as she's getting higher her bluntness and matter-of-factness sometimes don't cast her in the best light, especially when she's running some pretty stressful projects that have very senior stakeholders and large teams of people. Today she wrote a fairly straight-forward e-mail to a team about a failure they'd suffered at the worst time possible, and she's obviously put somebody's nose out of joint. This lead to her mail being forwarded to a senior Director in another part of the business, who's then gone on to criticise her rather harshly it seems, with the MD on copy. Needless to say she's not happy about the situation this has left her in as she doesn't really understand why this has happenned. Personally I think this will all be a flash in the pan that'll be forgotten about by next Friday, but I think she's in this situation because (a) this particular team working for her really is crap, and ( she's not very good at work-place politics. Or tactfulness. Or at hiding her feelings. How do I, without sounding like a condescending *****, tell her that I don't think she'd be in this situation if she chose her words more carefully? This sort of thing is something I've had to learn about the hard way in my career with a few bollockings coming my way over the years - some deservedly so and some not - and I find it hard not being able to help her... Help me help her?! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ATTAK Z Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 From what you've divulged, if she was working for me I'd probably encourage her to carry on especially if she gets outstanding results by doing things her way; but I do understand your concern, however I can't help Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stutopia Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 That's a tough one. It's a brave man who dives in with advice, especially if passions are high or the wound is still raw. Perhaps, if she were to mention it again to you, you could ask if she might have done something differently in hindsight? It'll have to be carefully judged tone and moment but defo phrase it like a question rather than a statement. Good luck and tread very carefully, she'll be looking for support from you now, not anything that could be taken as accusatory. Whatever happens, if it turns sour, don't argue. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KyleR Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 SAY NOTHING!! She doesn't want your advice, if you give your honest advice she will come at you because she will feel you are critiquing her. Never criticise a woman! My only advice to you is to listen to her rants and be there for her, just don't give her an excuse to stick your balls up your ass! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZEUS Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 SAY NOTHING!! She doesn't want your advice, if you give your honest advice she will come at you because she will feel you are critiquing her. Never criticise a woman! My only advice to you is to listen to her rants and be there for her, just don't give her an excuse to stick your balls up your ass! Love it ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wizurd Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 Well if she likes to be straight talking and to the point then just say that you think if she'd been a bit more tactful with the idiots at work then maybe they wouldn't have forwarded the details and complained to the md? Frankly sounds like she's in the right. But then don't have the full story. If they messed up and it's the first time they just need to know what they did wrong assuming they don't already and then move on. If it's a recurring issue and they've had they're training and chances then be more blunt. Tricky one since you both spend so much time together. Hopefully she can take honest advice as well as give it? Sent from my GT-I9300 using Tapatalk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ebized Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 If the opportunity arises ask her if, on reflection having having considered the Director's stance, she was 100% satsified with her email. If she says yes then say nothing more, unless she asks you what you think and that may lead to an opportunity to suggest other ways of kicking ass. If she says maybe she was a bit OT, that just might have the desired effect. We see any number of posts on here that get interpreted clearly differently to what the author had intended. And we have heard of some members or their family members losing their jobs as a result of work emails that have gone wrong for them. The downside of us all using keyboards nowadays rather than face to face discussion as the evidence is there in black and white. So as her nearest and dearest she might well value your thoughts but always best if you can tease her asking rather than going into the minefield of giving advice and on that note I'll now shut up Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The G Man Posted February 1, 2014 Share Posted February 1, 2014 Sound advice by all, but, I can't help thinking that there's more in it. Firstly, if the MD has taken to protecting the "guilty" party, then, my feeling is there was something untoward. Good managers will also recognise this, great managers will recognise and adjust the style or angle that is presented to a part of the organisation that is perceived to not being of a capable nature. Reading one of these free mags on the train the other night, The List, in it were some tips on succeeding in business, the one that immediately struck a chord with me was, instead of an email, pick up the phone, speak to the human, rather than leaving it up to luck on how the written word is percieved. Also, if work is getting stressful, then maybe she is going too fast at her career that a bit of slowing down and experience would compensate for not sledging a colleague. However, not knowing the full story or circumstance, then it's hard to comment. Put it down AS experience and tackle it in a mature, cognitive nature. I'm sure it will, as you say, blow over. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ricey Posted February 1, 2014 Share Posted February 1, 2014 SAY NOTHING!! She doesn't want your advice, if you give your honest advice she will come at you because she will feel you are critiquing her. Never criticise a woman! My only advice to you is to listen to her rants and be there for her, just don't give her an excuse to stick your balls up your ass! Thisthisthisthis Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Commander Posted February 1, 2014 Author Share Posted February 1, 2014 Sound advice by all, but, I can't help thinking that there's more in it. Firstly, if the MD has taken to protecting the "guilty" party, then, my feeling is there was something untoward. Good managers will also recognise this, great managers will recognise and adjust the style or angle that is presented to a part of the organisation that is perceived to not being of a capable nature. Reading one of these free mags on the train the other night, The List, in it were some tips on succeeding in business, the one that immediately struck a chord with me was, instead of an email, pick up the phone, speak to the human, rather than leaving it up to luck on how the written word is percieved. Also, if work is getting stressful, then maybe she is going too fast at her career that a bit of slowing down and experience would compensate for not sledging a colleague. However, not knowing the full story or circumstance, then it's hard to comment. Put it down AS experience and tackle it in a mature, cognitive nature. I'm sure it will, as you say, blow over. The MD isn't daft, he's currently just CC'd on things and hasn't waded in one way or another. If he does anything, it won't be until Monday. Since all of these escalations took place she got her bosses / directors involved too and they've defended her actions, which has re-assured her a lot. The stress aspect of her job changes with the wind, some days are easy and some are stressful - it's no different than many jobs really - I just don't think she's used to criticism like this that's all... She's a bright girl so I think she'll learn from the experience in the long run. If the opportunity arises ask her if, on reflection having having considered the Director's stance, she was 100% satsified with her email. If she says yes then say nothing more, unless she asks you what you think and that may lead to an opportunity to suggest other ways of kicking ass. If she says maybe she was a bit OT, that just might have the desired effect. We see any number of posts on here that get interpreted clearly differently to what the author had intended. And we have heard of some members or their family members losing their jobs as a result of work emails that have gone wrong for them. The downside of us all using keyboards nowadays rather than face to face discussion as the evidence is there in black and white. THIS! This is exactly what I ended up saying to her yesterday evening. She 100% stands by her actions, and indeed the e-mail she wrote was sent off the back of a phone conversation with the people concerned. I also agree with the face-to-face thing and suggested that next time she runs a big project like this, that she gets a 'war-room' on the go when important things are happening and that she gets everybody in it, instead of all working from home, in different offices, etc... Face to face contact solves more problems than anything else I know. SAY NOTHING!! She doesn't want your advice, if you give your honest advice she will come at you because she will feel you are critiquing her. Never criticise a woman! My only advice to you is to listen to her rants and be there for her, just don't give her an excuse to stick your balls up your ass! Hah, and the ability to not say something is my flaw! From what you've divulged, if she was working for me I'd probably encourage her to carry on especially if she gets outstanding results by doing things her way; but I do understand your concern, however I can't help I'd love to have more people like her working at my place too if I'm honest. Since this all kicked off she's brought her boss(es) in on it too and they're defending her actions rather well by the looks of it. So we've had our initial triage and I'm going to let it be... Cheers chaps. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ekona Posted February 1, 2014 Share Posted February 1, 2014 Should tell it to her straight. You're going to be in the wrong regardless, so you might as well get your points in as quickly as possible and be done with it. I hate workplace politics, I really do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sipar69 Posted February 1, 2014 Share Posted February 1, 2014 (edited) Ahhh emails, so useful, but the cause of so much strife. I'm quite careful with how I express myself in writing, as it's a skill I need in my job. Nevertheless, one thing I've learnt is that if you have a difficult message to deliver it's almost invariably better given in person or over the phone. If you need a record, you can always follow with an email, but in my experience people take things much better in person, or at least verbally. Edited February 1, 2014 by sipar69 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flex Posted February 1, 2014 Share Posted February 1, 2014 Should tell it to her straight. You're going to be in the wrong regardless, so you might as well get your points in as quickly as possible and be done with it. I hate workplace politics, I really do. Personally, I'd try and resist, my advice is never appreciated. People tend to only learn from their mistakes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jetpilot Posted February 1, 2014 Share Posted February 1, 2014 My brother in law is like this, but if the shoe is on the other foot and you tell him how it is in the same fashion, he goes into meltdown, if you speak to people in a certain fashion, expect the same back. I am with everyone else, dont breach the subject unless she wants to discuss it, if she does, just ask her if she would like to be spoken to in the same fashion, guess you wont change her and sounds like you like that no nonsense approach, lets face it, if you disagree with her its the dog house for you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flex Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 Yeah with no bone! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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