nowhereboy Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 Man, I can't believe I'm even posting this here but I'm pretty stressed out about this now and an outside opinion would be pretty useful. Aside from working full time I also play in a band, I love music and playing music to an audience but this band is driving me insane. To cut a really long story short I'm currently the only one with a car and our guitarist lives about 15 mile away from everyone else, every single practise I pick him up and drop him off afterwards and I'm getting sick of it. He doesn't seem to consider how much of a pain this is for me and just says "well if you can't pick me up I can't make it". He does have a point, while its possible for him to get on a bus with a guitar and an amp it would obviously be a massive hassle. Tonight was the icing on the cake tho, I begrudgingly drove through rush hour traffic to pick him up after I finished work and once I picked him up he asked me to stop at a shop on the way, he bought 8 cans of beer and managed to drink half of them before we even got to the studio. We turn up and the whole band is drunk apart from me, the practise was absolute chaos, the studio pretty much turned into a party and the practise was useless. I eventually managed to get everyone out and took the guitarist back home in my car, he was in a great mood, cracking jokes and saying what a great night he'd had, by this point I was furious but he was so drunk he had no idea. I messaged him once I got home saying I was really angry about tonight and he said "in fairness it is the weekend and I had planned all along to get smashed tonight" or something along those lines. This guy is one of my best mates but alcohol is turning him into a selfish egotistical douche. Why should I drive him about while he spends the night getting drunk and partying? We were supposed to be having a practise! We have a few good gigs lined up next month and believe it or not we actually sound great, I put up with all this rubbish because it all seems worth while for that brief moment when we share a stage and get the crowd moving. I'm left stuck between a rock and a hard place, if I don't pick this guy up the band will fall apart but I'm starting to resent him for it. Am I going mad here or what? Surely it's obvious why I'm annoyed right? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ricey Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 Sack it off point blank and see just go good of a friend he is. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SkylineV35 Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 Man feel your pain... I dont see the point in you totally going out your way and him not appreciating it. Could you possibly replace him? My mates would at least wait for me to park the car up for the night before getting smashed together. It seems your being used and abused here. Best friend or not id speak to him on a level and ask him does the band mean anything to him or is it just an excuse to party. Or maybe your taking the band to serious... Your friend seems blind of the fact your going out your way for him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoogyRev Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 I remember the old days of "doogy has a car, he can drive" "doogy I don't suppose you can pick us up" so I bought 2 seaters from then on You will soon find out who your real friend are then!! If the rest of the band are not putting the effort in either . . .ie getting pi**ed for practice . . . . . . . replace him or the whole band Alternatively if he wants a lift then that will be £10 each way 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrustyCrab Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 Alternatively if he wants a lift then that will be £10 each way Same for me when I had a car. If he has money to buy beer he should have money to contribute to your fuel costs! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris AME Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 I have played in several bands over the years and this situation has arisen on a number of occasions, people ultimately won't be appreciating what you are doing on top of attending practise, tell them to pull their finger out and I am sure they will either do so or jump ship Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChrisS Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 Maybe not what you want to hear, but you need to walk away.... It's your life not theirs. (that is unless you are going global/mega money in the next month or two ) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sipar69 Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 Sounds like you take the music side of the band more seriously than they do. Join another band. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thetranquilbass Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 Feel your pain mate, been here before with our previous drummer, as great as he was on the drums he was continually smashed at rehearsals making life difficult. Final straw was him getting so drunk before a gig at King Tuts that he couldn't even play the first 4 bars of our opening track before slumping in heap in the kit. Took us a long time to find someone else but we've finally just got ourselves back out gigging after almost 2 years out. If the rest of them are not taking it as seriously as you it might be worthwhile seeing what other bands are about. Aside from our ex drummer the rest of us take it seriously which is why I've been in the band for the last 7 years - when I joined I didn't know any of them but are all best mates now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
glrnet Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 You're not going to like this either but I would reconsider how you classify "best mates". You've already classed him as an "egotistical douche", to be honest he sounds like an arrogant selfish tight git. Walk away. Well you did ask. "Takers get the honey. Givers sing the Blues" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stutopia Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 I don't get combining practice (band or otherwise) and getting pi**ed. The two things don't meet up in my head. Off down the driving range/to play footy/go the gym/band practice, must get a 6-pack? Er no. £10 for fuel wouldn't hurt, but I suspect it's the attitude not the time/cash that's pissing you off. If you speak to your mates genuinely, genuine mates will listen. Either take the session seriously, or go out on a serious session! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZEUS Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 He's taking you for granted mate, as said already either charge him petrol money or walk away from the band and see how good a mate he turns out to be ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Almeida1234 Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 Just tell hum how it is bud, in the long run it will make sense. It is not often people get second chance. It is a band so everyone should put the same effort as you do Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cmck13 Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 If this guys one of your best mates, he's clearly not acting like it. If you have to tell him what he's doing is wrong he is not a mate and to blackmail you with "well if you can't pick me up I can't make it", is astonishing. Walk away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nowhereboy Posted January 25, 2014 Author Share Posted January 25, 2014 Cheers guys, I'm going to have to say something to him today, it's been on my mind all night. It wasn't just me who went out my way last night, my 350Z is currently in the garage getting a new clutch and flywheel so last night I lent my sisters car, my dad had to give me a lift to pick it up. So me, my dad and my sister all had to go out our ways to allow this "practise" to happen. The band is doing quite well and we have a few pretty big gigs coming up at festivals in the summer, these guys were all my best mates for years before forming this band but its driving me apart from them. I've been doing this "dry january" thing all month and its made me realize the extent of their alcohol and substance use. It's so cliche its ridiculous, it was all fun and games a few years ago but I'm nearly 30 now and would like to make a living off this, it's just not possible when everytime we get together everyones in party mode. For the time being Im stuck because the band is doing well and I dont want to throw away a good oppertunity, we have a practise next week and I'm going to refuse to give him a lift, the likelyhood is he will spit his dummy out and take it personally but I don't really care anymore. As long as I keep enabling him to take the **** he will continue to do so. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gsexr Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 (edited) Start off by telling him you can pick him up but your going on to somewhere else afterwards so cannot take him home. That way he cant blame you for not being able to get to practice but it will see how much he wants to go. Following on from that at the end of practice you can tell him that you have other things going on and wont be able to take him next week as your coming from a different direction. That way your giving him pleanty of notice to organise getting there. It gets the same result without the row and people blaming you for causing the issue even though its not your fault. Diplomatic stance mate......always worth a shot. You dont need to win the battle just the war :-) . Edited January 25, 2014 by gsexr 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GMballistic Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 I'd honestly tell him nowhereboy that you're not picking him up anymore & if he doesn't like it then tough sh*t. Costing you more than just petrol by the sound's of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
davedutch Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 Is the real problem that you want to take things seriously and the rest of the band see it as a fun get together? That being the case, you need to change their attitudes or get out and find a like minded band. You say you hope to make a living out of this, do the others feel the same? If they don't the wedge is only going to become bigger, a difference of opinion can ultimately destroy friendships if not handled correctly. Be honest with them and make clear your hopes, if this means a parting of the ways as a band this might be the best for any friendship. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coldel Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 Taking a slightly harder line, but I have a friend who plays guitar amongst other instruments, is a song writer and a performer. She always got public transport, amp in a bag on her back, guitar or whatever instrument she is playing that night in hand. She has done that for years because she was passionate about her music, she never complained once about doing it. If this guy really was bothered then he should get a car or get his lazy arse on a bus and put his shift in on making the band work. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nowhereboy Posted January 25, 2014 Author Share Posted January 25, 2014 The lads are full of good intentions and claim to want this to work as much as I do but the reality is getting wasted seems to be their number one priority. My drummer is pretty much a drug addict who uses so frequently you wouldn't even know he was on something when you see him, ironically he is the most straight headed out of everyone, he is always keen to crack on and take things seriously. The guitarist is by far the worst tho, he drinks everytime I see him and it turns him into an egotistical maniac with no thought for anyone other than himself. We have too many opportunities coming up for me to walk out on them at the minute tho, I've been wanting to play a particular stage for a long time and we are getting the spot this summer, the band has been contacted by a magazine about doing an up and coming article and we are starting to draw a good crowd every gig. When we are on form it's brilliant and I have some great memories with these lads from last summer but working a full time job alongside being in a band like this is exhausting. Anyway thanks for the replys guys, I really just needed to vent last night more than anything else. I need to have a serious chat with all of them because if this keeps going on I'll end up quitting and friendships could get burnt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
glrnet Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 Good luck with it all, I hope you can sort it out 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coldel Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 Good luck dude - not that I am an expert on how to make it in music, but I have seen lots of people be successful in many things, and getting wasted most of the time is not something that is common to it, in fact devotion, practice, putting the time in and perfecting more often than not is. My friend is doing alright now (she has music on itunes/amazon, has done gigs at local festivals etc) but its been all on the back of really hard work and putting the time in - a trait it sounds like the others need to inherit from you mate! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
glrnet Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 Good luck dude - not that I am an expert on how to make it in music, but I have seen lots of people be successful in many things, and getting wasted most of the time is not something that is common to it, in fact devotion, practice, putting the time in and perfecting more often than not is. My friend is doing alright now (she has music on itunes/amazon, has done gigs at local festivals etc) but its been all on the back of really hard work and putting the time in - a trait it sounds like the others need to inherit from you mate! So agree with you Col, stepdaughter 2 is at the Academy of Contemporary Music studying vocals and the amount of work and devotion she has put in in nearly 3 years is quite frankly unbelievable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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