smudgedon Posted June 24, 2013 Share Posted June 24, 2013 Aloha fellow Zedders! Not wanting to whinge or splash my problems out on here, but just a build up of 1 bad thing after another has been affecting me over the last year or so and wondered how people get themselves out of bed in the morning when something troubles them? Without going into too much detail, I've lost some very close friends, family members and someone that I loved dearly but fudged up on, along with others things going wrong with the house as well What is it that gets you back on track? I'm not usually one to seek advice or even let things trouble me, but just be nice to hear what other people do in times of need Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ebized Posted June 24, 2013 Share Posted June 24, 2013 Talk it out with a person with whom you are close, who knows you and who can be objective. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sidewayz350z Posted June 24, 2013 Share Posted June 24, 2013 I had a son when I was only 18 with a stripper of all things,and hes now 13 and she has now decided I cant see him anymore unless I get back with her coz she hates seeing me happy with my new wife and kids . Id give him the world and coz im lucky enough to be retired I used to run his football team and his go-karting club etc just so I had time with him away from my family. My wife loves and treats him like I son and ive been with her since he was 1 and now shes gone to csa and said ive never had him or paid a penny towards him shes has upped and moved and I didn't think I was gonna miss him as much as I do but its soo hard. But im lucky I have a amazing wife who loves my cars and bikes and 2 young kids that when I wake em up for school and see there smiles on there faces makes me lucky/blessed to be alive and have a wonderfull family. I have felt so low in my life at times and so happy now but if it wasn't for friends and family and kids I would be nothing. So chin up and keep positive and hopefully it will all work out in the end Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stuarty Posted June 24, 2013 Share Posted June 24, 2013 Talk to a unbiased friend, maybe even a councillor. Ive been through some @*!# in my life also mate, none of it my fault. Find something your passionate about, physical training usually help. Give youself a few life goals and go for it! Sometimes you have to put yourself first, to help others. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4RE Leather Posted June 24, 2013 Share Posted June 24, 2013 One word. "Friends"! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ekona Posted June 24, 2013 Share Posted June 24, 2013 I normally crack one out. Sets me right up for the day ahead. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wasso Posted June 24, 2013 Share Posted June 24, 2013 "Stripper" that's epic I pick one problem at a time and deal with it by talking to my other half or sort the issue. If you tackle the issues one at a time you'll combat them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harryjax Posted June 24, 2013 Share Posted June 24, 2013 (edited) I normally crack one out. Sets me right up for the day ahead. You'll go blind. As for my motivation My wife. Edited June 24, 2013 by Harryjax 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Bounty Bar Kid Posted June 24, 2013 Share Posted June 24, 2013 Remember that I'm not dying and have friends, so I'm not at rock bottom. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flex Posted June 24, 2013 Share Posted June 24, 2013 I think you have to appreciate that life is generally shite and that you have to make it positive.Try and get something out of the goals you set yourself and or what you do for other people. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gsexr Posted June 24, 2013 Share Posted June 24, 2013 Life is never easy and sometimes you have to reflect where you are and what your doing. You only get one shot at it and its here to be enjoyed and that enjoyment can sometimes come in ways you would not expect. There`s a lot of satisfaction to gain from helping others and that can sometimes be something small but can make a big difference to them. You have to look at life and decide if you are a journey man or just looking at the destination. Lots of people think they are focused on a future goal but very often its not the case and they are really journey men. That means you have to enjoy the journey which often comes from finding your place in life and accepting who you are and where you are. You can still have goals but space them out a bit more, after all we all need a dream, but need to enjoy the journey and that is actually more important in the long run. Often the motivation, is the dream, but make it a realistic one that you can head for in a decent time frame. Remember, as you climb the ladder, it may not be leaning against the right wall. Councelling is very good as its a third party you have no connection to who will be there to listen and help you see what the issues are. Remember there is always an answer, it just sometimes needs a little help to tease it out. Hang in there bud time is a great healer. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ATTAK Z Posted June 24, 2013 Share Posted June 24, 2013 ....... Remember, as you climb the ladder, it may not be leaning against the right wall. ....... what a brilliant quotation ... I must remember that ... as good as Vik's "you don't have to blow my candle out to make yours burn brighter" 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sipar69 Posted June 24, 2013 Share Posted June 24, 2013 (edited) I think it's true of life in many cases that no matter how rough things seem, you can tell yourself that they will get better eventually. I know that's not true in 100% of situations, but in a lot cases it is. Edited June 24, 2013 by sipar69 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OV53 Posted June 24, 2013 Share Posted June 24, 2013 Just think that if you've had a really s**t year then all subsequent years will be an improvement. The thought that no matter how c**tlike people can be or how s**t things seem to turn out, as long as you do good s**t then s**t will work out. It's all about karma bro. But as for motivation it can never be just one thing. If you've got a girl then that's normally the first priority, family next, then your home, and then whatever else after that. Things that keep me going are my wife, my mam, our lass's parents, the dog, the house, the car, and Christmas.....I f**king love Christmas! Do it nice or do it twice! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
longsh07 Posted June 24, 2013 Share Posted June 24, 2013 Do something for yourself, something you enjoy. Might be difficult if your feeling down but it should take your mind off things and give you the boost you need to carry on. I find going out for a drive late evening when the roads are quiet helps me. Being alone gives me time to think things over and nothing puts a bigger smile on my face than my Zed! Of course it depends what sort of person you are. Might be better trying gather some friends and just go and have a giggle rather than being on your own. Best of luck to you smudge, hope things get back on track for you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wendy Posted June 24, 2013 Share Posted June 24, 2013 (edited) Perhaps try writing a list of the things you like doing, people you like being with - then make plans to do them and see your friends. If your existing friends are reminders of things that have not been so great, try new ones. There is a great group called Spice open for all to join for a minimal monthly fee. They are all over the country and offer numerous get togethers and activities. Of course you are not going to make friends instantly. But it can be someone else arranging things and mixing with others who don't know your situation can often really help as yu have to put on a brave face and get on with it, eventually you will naturally feel better. Its really all about making yourself feel better. Cook yourself a nice meal, no matter how hard it is to get it together to do so, you will be impressed with the results and have fab food too. Already mentioned - Volunteering for those worse off than you, or those who really need your help - puts life very much into perspective. There are masses of groups from childrens, Scouts, Air Force, Sea Cadets, through the whole Disability area of carers and beyond - all found on the Internet. Personally I don't think there is anything wrong with having a Sick Day - when you are feeling really glum, totally fed up etc, just make sure it is just one. Remember your Doctor too - mine has been brilliant over some very difficult times. Sounds to me - by coming on here and asking for guidance - you are ready to move forward so hopefully between all the suggestions - some are right for you. Good Luck Edited June 24, 2013 by Wendy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ddcboyle Posted June 24, 2013 Share Posted June 24, 2013 Recently been in the same situation. Ive found sleep is purely the key. Ive had problem after problem in 2013. The past week ive read a book for an hour instead of watching tv before bed, amd put on classic fm while I sleep. This sounds silly, however, when I was younger I had concentration issues. I always used to draw instead of paying attention. Went to get some help with it and It turns out classical music increases concentration as it relaxes the brain, thus, reducing the stressful enviroment in your mind. just an idea, try it and if it doesnt work after 2 or 3 days, no loss Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zzzzz Posted June 24, 2013 Share Posted June 24, 2013 As stated before - talk to an unbiased friend. And always remember there are lots of people out there in far worse circumstances. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bockaaarck Posted June 24, 2013 Share Posted June 24, 2013 I always used to look back on similar circumstances when I was experiencing something horrible or really difficult and think "Well, that was crap, but I managed to get through it ok...". Now when those kind of things happen now I just think "Mmm oh well, such is life..." and just crack on. You're a long time dead my friend and I can appreciate it's sometimes very difficult to see the wood for the trees. I just think what's the worst that can happen and then remind myself that I'm still fortunate enough to have a roof over my head, a wife, family and friends who care for me and anything on top of that is a bonus. It can be very hard sometimes, I'm working with a guy whose really been downtrodden, under pressure, bullied at work etc. There were concerns about his healthy and mental well being, I've spent a bit of time with him, supporting him, listening to him, appreciating him for what he does, his abilities and skills. He's bloody good at what he does, works really hard and is conscientious, but nobody believed in him, told him he was capable, made him feel valued. Its been a real pleasure to see him grow more confident, have more self belief and understand that he is respected, valued, cared for and appreciated. What's happening in your situation sounds difficult and it seems to be taking its toll on you. Just remember, that sometimes life can have a funny way of taking you right to the edge, just to see how much you can take. Then remember that there are others there who you can fall back on, chat to, have a mug of tea with, moan about stuff with, have a pint and a laugh with but most of all those who care about you and know what you're going through. Try and find a bit of time to let people know how you're feeling, you'll probably be surprised to find that they are feeling the same sort of things. Then you can work together at dealing with, managing and slowly overcoming these challenging times and moving on to a brighter future Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OV53 Posted June 24, 2013 Share Posted June 24, 2013 A few quotes from one of the most inspirational people I've ever come across in my hours spent trawling the Internet. Eric Thomas has helped me look past badness plenty of times..... Don’t make a habit out of choosing what feels good over what’s actually good for you. Avoid being your own enemy. You can change environments, but until you change yourself, nothing else will ever change. Character is like my fingerprint; it identifies me from everyone else in the world. It says who I am and where I am headed. Things change for the better when we take responsibility for our own thoughts, decisions and actions. Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent. It’s not who you are that holds you back, it’s who you think you’re not. A setback is a setup for a comeback. Pain produces certain things that complacency can’t. It’s about having a dream and working towards it no matter what negative circumstances occur along the way. In basketball there is a saying that says, “The only way to get out of a shooting slump is to keep shooting.’ The same can be said for our lives. The only way to get out of mediocrity, is to keep shooting for excellence. Do it nice or do it twice! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smudgedon Posted June 25, 2013 Author Share Posted June 25, 2013 Thank you all for your input. This place always manages to bring a smile to my face, I suppose that's one of the reasons why I decided to post on here.... The toughest part for me, is I have always been on my own ever since I can really remember. So talking to people has always been hard for me. To make matters worse, the only people I did used to speak to, have passed away in the last year as well as 2 other friends which doesn't help either I suppose this has all come from today, I had to say goodbye to my soul mate who moved to Canada to be with her family. This is without a doubt the single hardest thing I have ever had to do. Someone I trusted with my life, and I may never get to see them again Setting goals with work is something I love doing, so will be looking into that over the coming days. And maybe a change of scenary from my current home, which depresses me with it's memories and problems that always seem to crop up! Thank you for everyone's supportive words Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stutopia Posted June 25, 2013 Share Posted June 25, 2013 I want to own a hostel in Colombia and split my days between soaking up sunshine and going fishing, before drinking a Piña Colada whilst watching the sunset. When I was over there I hardly ever saw any pi**ed off looking faces, only smiles. Most of the small towns they have small breeze block bungalows, a bit of patio out front, with a stereo and a fridge full of cold beer. All in the sunshine. Not much, but it seemed to work for them. When I'm low, I think of this and making it happen. Then I get out of bed. Chin up and wait for the next adventure to come round the corner. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marzman Posted June 25, 2013 Share Posted June 25, 2013 Gutted for you mate. Have a read of the book 'Who moved my cheese'. (http://www.amazon.co.uk/Who-Moved-My-Cheese-Amazing/dp/0091816971) which is a book dealing with change in your life and helping you move on, and getting you motivated again. My mate used to swear by it and would read it every time something @*!# happened (broke up with a girl; lost his job etc). I understood the concepts of it but it didnt really do much for me, but then, i've never really had to go through any hardships in my life. It does sound like you're in a pretty rough place at the moment though mate... if that was me, i'd take advantage of it and get a new start. My favorite quote out of Fight Club is when Brad Pitt says 'It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything.' I'm almost jealous of anybody who's in this position...! If i were at the point of effectively being free to start my life over again having lost close family members and my significant other, i'd pack it all up and be off round the world. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smudgedon Posted June 25, 2013 Author Share Posted June 25, 2013 Travelling always seems like a good option, but the drawbacks for me are: 1. Money - all tied up in this @*!#-hole of a flat 2. I cannot think of anyone that I would go with, and I certainly wouldn't want to go alone I hate being alone, and this place just reminds me of being alone as I spend all my time here So I think one of my main priorities is to get this place in order and get it on the market, get some new surroundings for a new start Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sipar69 Posted June 25, 2013 Share Posted June 25, 2013 (edited) Do you have any pets? It's a proven fact that caring for a cat or dog, for example, can have a very positive effect on you. And there are more than enough deserving cases at rescue centres around the country. Obviously if you are planning to move it would be better to wait, but I can definitely recommend having a pet (provided you are willing to make the necessary commitment to giving it the necessary care). Even though I live with my better half, I couldn't imagine life without at least a few furry friends around the place. Edited June 25, 2013 by sipar69 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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