The origin of the white wedding dress - updates :)

[CrumbMC]

A son asked his mother the following question:

 

' Mum, why are wedding dresses white? ' The mother looks at her son and replies:

 

' Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure.'

 

The son thanks his Mum and goes off to double-check this with his father.

 

' Dad why are wedding dresses white? '

The father looks at his son in surprise and says:

 

 

'Son, all household appliances come in white.'

Edited January 25, 2013 by CrumbMC

[The Bounty Bar Kid]

[rtbiscuit]

that swhy women have small feet so they can get closer to the sink.

 

 

these are all oldies, and if you have a search for the marriage thread i think we exhausted every joke going. ran for 3 threads each averaging 60 pages. of a group of us trying to come up with the most offensive sexist joke.

 

 

i do miss those days

[wizard]

Why don't women need a watch?.....

 

......................................................

.........................................................

............................................................

............................ Because there's one on the cooker!

[rtbiscuit]

why was the woman in the living room,

 

 

 

 

 

the chain in the kitchen had been made to long

[CrumbMC]

OK, you guys asked for this:

 

 

Went out last night and got really wasted. I woke up in the middle of the night next to some chick who was snoring and farting, so I knew I made it home OK!

 

The wife's back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last night, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.

 

I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next @*!# could spell disaster.

 

My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I should have taken them off.

 

I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.

 

After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the wife were going to commit suicide yesterday. But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, “**** it, soldier on!â€

 

I woke up this morning at 8, and could smell something was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn’t know what to do. Then I remembered McDonald’s serves breakfast until 11:30.

 

Bought the missus a hamster skin coat last week. Took her to the fair last night, and it took me 3 hours to get her off the Ferris wheel.

 

The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!"

 

My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!" "Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!"

 

A girl I know said the last time she had sex, it was like the men's Olympic 100 meter final. I laughed, "Over in 9.5 seconds?" "No," she said, "Eight black men and a gun."

 

A Catholic boy in confession says, “Bless me Father, I have sinned, I masturbated while thinking about my sister.†“That's a disgrace,†said the priest, “especially when you have two gorgeous brothers.â€

 

A government survey has shown that 91% of illegal immigrants come to this country so that they can see their own doctor.

 

I've just installed strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the wife look like she's moving during sex.

 

 

The wife said to me last night "If you turn the bedside lamp off I'll take it up the arse." Maybe I should have waited for the bulb to cool down first..

 

 

I was sitting watching Match of the Day when the Mrs came into the lounge

and says "Fancy a shag Babe?"

I said, "After the football love"

She said, "You do realise that you can record it?"

I said, "Nice, you get the camcorder, I'll come upstairs when the footy

finishes".

 

My girlfriend has just asked me how many women I've shagged.

I said, 'I really dont want to answer that love, you know I've had a past &

I don't want to upset you!'

'C'mon' she said, 'I can handle it!'

So I had to sit there and count them all.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, you, 10, 11, 12.

 

My Wife asked me to go to the Doctors about my Erection problem, she wasn't

pleased when I came back and gave her some Slimming Pills.

 

I was at a wedding reception when the DJ announced all the married men out

there go and stand by the person who makes your life worth living. The

barman was crushed to deathl.

 

My wife was in the bathroom for hours getting ready to go out when finally

the door swung open and she said, "Honestly , do I look fat in this".

I replied, "Yes love, but to be fair, it's only a small bathroom".