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50 shades of man


ironhide

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Seriously I just logged on at lunch to get my daily dosage of Z news and banter only to find some obscure thread about a bunch of middle aged blokes shaving their bollocks and using Dove moisturiser.

 

This needs balancing so this is a new thread to list the things that define a man, and how we should aspire to be more like Chuck Norris.

 

I'll start.

 

1) I coat my cornflakes every morning with lead filings and 99Ron fuel.

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1) I cost my cornflakes every morning with lead filings and 99Ron fuel.

2) I cut the grass by pouring petrol over it and setting fire!

3) I chew on wild rabbits as a snack.

4) I blow my tyres up with my mouth.

5) I shave with a bowie knife

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1) I cost my cornflakes every morning with lead filings and 99Ron fuel.

2) I cut the grass by pouring petrol over it and setting fire!

3) I chew on wild rabbits as a snack.

4) I blow my tyres up with my mouth.

5) I shave with a bowie knife.

6) I changed my oil and used my teeth to get the sup plug off!

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Share on other sites

1) I cost my cornflakes every morning with lead filings and 99Ron fuel.

2) I cut the grass by pouring petrol over it and setting fire!

3) I chew on wild rabbits as a snack.

4) I blow my tyres up with my mouth.

5) I shave with a bowie knife.

6) I changed my oil and used my teeth to get the sup plug off!

7) I too changed my oil and drank the waste!

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Share on other sites

1) I cost my cornflakes every morning with lead filings and 99Ron fuel.

2) I cut the grass by pouring petrol over it and setting fire!

3) I chew on wild rabbits as a snack.

4) I blow my tyres up with my mouth.

5) I shave with a bowie knife.

6) I changed my oil and used my teeth to get the sup plug off!

7) I too changed my oil and drank the waste!

8) I eat my dinner with a pitch fork and machete.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1) I cost my cornflakes every morning with lead filings and 99Ron fuel.

2) I cut the grass by pouring petrol over it and setting fire!

3) I chew on wild rabbits as a snack.

4) I blow my tyres up with my mouth.

5) I shave with a bowie knife.

6) I changed my oil and used my teeth to get the sup plug off!

7) I too changed my oil and drank the waste!

8) I eat my dinner with a pitch fork and machete.

9) My cat has been trained to be the local drug dealer :boxing:

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Share on other sites

1) I cost my cornflakes every morning with lead filings and 99Ron fuel.

2) I cut the grass by pouring petrol over it and setting fire!

3) I chew on wild rabbits as a snack.

4) I blow my tyres up with my mouth.

5) I shave with a bowie knife.

6) I changed my oil and used my teeth to get the sup plug off!

7) I too changed my oil and drank the waste!

8) I eat my dinner with a pitch fork and machete.

9) My cat has been trained to be the local drug dealer

10) I drive a pick up truck. The manliest vehicle in the known universe.

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Share on other sites

1) I cost my cornflakes every morning with lead filings and 99Ron fuel.

2) I cut the grass by pouring petrol over it and setting fire!

3) I chew on wild rabbits as a snack.

4) I blow my tyres up with my mouth.

5) I shave with a bowie knife.

6) I changed my oil and used my teeth to get the sup plug off!

7) I too changed my oil and drank the waste!

8) I eat my dinner with a pitch fork and machete.

9) My cat has been trained to be the local drug dealer

10) I drive a pick up truck. The manliest vehicle in the known universe.

11}I am ians cats best customer :p

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Share on other sites

1) I cost my cornflakes every morning with lead filings and 99Ron fuel.

2) I cut the grass by pouring petrol over it and setting fire!

3) I chew on wild rabbits as a snack.

4) I blow my tyres up with my mouth.

5) I shave with a bowie knife.

6) I changed my oil and used my teeth to get the sup plug off!

7) I too changed my oil and drank the waste!

8) I eat my dinner with a pitch fork and machete.

9) My cat has been trained to be the local drug dealer

10) I drive a pick up truck. The manliest vehicle in the known universe.

11}I am ians cats best customer :p :

 

Helps me think spending money on the z is good

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1) I cost my cornflakes every morning with lead filings and 99Ron fuel.

2) I cut the grass by pouring petrol over it and setting fire!

3) I chew on wild rabbits as a snack.

4) I blow my tyres up with my mouth.

5) I shave with a bowie knife.

6) I changed my oil and used my teeth to get the sup plug off!

7) I too changed my oil and drank the waste!

8) I eat my dinner with a pitch fork and machete.

9) My cat has been trained to be the local drug dealer

10) I drive a pick up truck. The manliest vehicle in the known universe

11}I am ians cats best customer

12) When servicing my car I don't use ramps, I hold my car up with my knees

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Share on other sites

1) I cost my cornflakes every morning with lead filings and 99Ron fuel.

2) I cut the grass by pouring petrol over it and setting fire!

3) I chew on wild rabbits as a snack.

4) I blow my tyres up with my mouth.

5) I shave with a bowie knife.

6) I changed my oil and used my teeth to get the sup plug off!

7) I too changed my oil and drank the waste!

8) I eat my dinner with a pitch fork and machete.

9) My cat has been trained to be the local drug dealer

10) I drive a pick up truck. The manliest vehicle in the known universe

11}I am ians cats best customer

12) When servicing my car I don't use ramps, I hold my car up with my knees

13) I wear barbed wire instead of socks

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1) I cost my cornflakes every morning with lead filings and 99Ron fuel.

2) I cut the grass by pouring petrol over it and setting fire!

3) I chew on wild rabbits as a snack.

4) I blow my tyres up with my mouth.

5) I shave with a bowie knife.

6) I changed my oil and used my teeth to get the sup plug off!

7) I too changed my oil and drank the waste!

8) I eat my dinner with a pitch fork and machete.

9) My cat has been trained to be the local drug dealer

10) I drive a pick up truck. The manliest vehicle in the known universe

11}I am ians cats best customer

12) When servicing my car I don't use ramps, I hold my car up with my knees

13) I wear barbed wire instead of socks

14}I brush my teeth with a wire brush

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1) I cost my cornflakes every morning with lead filings and 99Ron fuel.

2) I cut the grass by pouring petrol over it and setting fire!

3) I chew on wild rabbits as a snack.

4) I blow my tyres up with my mouth.

5) I shave with a bowie knife.

6) I changed my oil and used my teeth to get the sup plug off!

7) I too changed my oil and drank the waste!

8) I eat my dinner with a pitch fork and machete.

9) My cat has been trained to be the local drug dealer

10) I drive a pick up truck. The manliest vehicle in the known universe

11) I am ians cats best customer

12) When servicing my car I don't use ramps, I hold my car up with my knees

13) I wear barbed wire instead of socks

14) I brush my teeth with a wire brush

15) I drink sand

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1) I cost my cornflakes every morning with lead filings and 99Ron fuel.

2) I cut the grass by pouring petrol over it and setting fire!

3) I chew on wild rabbits as a snack.

4) I blow my tyres up with my mouth.

5) I shave with a bowie knife.

6) I changed my oil and used my teeth to get the sup plug off!

7) I too changed my oil and drank the waste!

8) I eat my dinner with a pitch fork and machete.

9) My cat has been trained to be the local drug dealer

10) I drive a pick up truck. The manliest vehicle in the known universe

11) I am ians cats best customer

12) When servicing my car I don't use ramps, I hold my car up with my knees

13) I wear barbed wire instead of socks

14) I brush my teeth with a wire brush

15) I drink sand

 

16) I can do 0-60 in 2.5 seconds. That's twice as fast as my car.

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Share on other sites

1) I cost my cornflakes every morning with lead filings and 99Ron fuel.

2) I cut the grass by pouring petrol over it and setting fire!

3) I chew on wild rabbits as a snack.

4) I blow my tyres up with my mouth.

5) I shave with a bowie knife.

6) I changed my oil and used my teeth to get the sup plug off!

7) I too changed my oil and drank the waste!

8) I eat my dinner with a pitch fork and machete.

9) My cat has been trained to be the local drug dealer

10) I drive a pick up truck. The manliest vehicle in the known universe

11) I am ians cats best customer

12) When servicing my car I don't use ramps, I hold my car up with my knees

13) I wear barbed wire instead of socks

14) I brush my teeth with a wire brush

15) I drink sand

16) I can do 0-60 in 2.5 seconds. That's twice as fast as my car.

17) I used hair straighteners to smash my teeth out when I got bored cleaning them.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1) I cost my cornflakes every morning with lead filings and 99Ron fuel.

2) I cut the grass by pouring petrol over it and setting fire!

3) I chew on wild rabbits as a snack.

4) I blow my tyres up with my mouth.

5) I shave with a bowie knife.

6) I changed my oil and used my teeth to get the sup plug off!

7) I too changed my oil and drank the waste!

8) I eat my dinner with a pitch fork and machete.

9) My cat has been trained to be the local drug dealer

10) I drive a pick up truck. The manliest vehicle in the known universe

11) I am ians cats best customer

12) When servicing my car I don't use ramps, I hold my car up with my knees

13) I wear barbed wire instead of socks

14) I brush my teeth with a wire brush

15) I drink sand

16) I can do 0-60 in 2.5 seconds. That's twice as fast as my car.

17) I used hair straighteners to smash my teeth out when I got bored cleaning them.

18) when I cook tea I often cut my own finger off as a snack.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1) I cost my cornflakes every morning with lead filings and 99Ron fuel.

2) I cut the grass by pouring petrol over it and setting fire!

3) I chew on wild rabbits as a snack.

4) I blow my tyres up with my mouth.

5) I shave with a bowie knife.

6) I changed my oil and used my teeth to get the sup plug off!

7) I too changed my oil and drank the waste!

8) I eat my dinner with a pitch fork and machete.

9) My cat has been trained to be the local drug dealer

10) I drive a pick up truck. The manliest vehicle in the known universe

11) I am ians cats best customer

12) When servicing my car I don't use ramps, I hold my car up with my knees

13) I wear barbed wire instead of socks

14) I brush my teeth with a wire brush

15) I drink sand

16) I can do 0-60 in 2.5 seconds. That's twice as fast as my car.

17) I used hair straighteners to smash my teeth out when I got bored cleaning them.

18) when I cook tea I often cut my own finger off as a snack.

19) I ate Ian's cat because it gives short measures

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1) I cost my cornflakes every morning with lead filings and 99Ron fuel.

2) I cut the grass by pouring petrol over it and setting fire!

3) I chew on wild rabbits as a snack.

4) I blow my tyres up with my mouth.

5) I shave with a bowie knife.

6) I changed my oil and used my teeth to get the sup plug off!

7) I too changed my oil and drank the waste!

8) I eat my dinner with a pitch fork and machete.

9) My cat has been trained to be the local drug dealer

10) I drive a pick up truck. The manliest vehicle in the known universe

11) I am ians cats best customer

12) When servicing my car I don't use ramps, I hold my car up with my knees

13) I wear barbed wire instead of socks

14) I brush my teeth with a wire brush

15) I drink sand

16) I can do 0-60 in 2.5 seconds. That's twice as fast as my car.

17) I used hair straighteners to smash my teeth out when I got bored cleaning them.

18) when I cook tea I often cut my own finger off as a snack.

19) I ate Ian's cat because it gives short measures

20) I use sandpaper condoms.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1) I cost my cornflakes every morning with lead filings and 99Ron fuel.

2) I cut the grass by pouring petrol over it and setting fire!

3) I chew on wild rabbits as a snack.

4) I blow my tyres up with my mouth.

5) I shave with a bowie knife.

6) I changed my oil and used my teeth to get the sup plug off!

7) I too changed my oil and drank the waste!

8) I eat my dinner with a pitch fork and machete.

9) My cat has been trained to be the local drug dealer

10) I drive a pick up truck. The manliest vehicle in the known universe

11) I am ians cats best customer

12) When servicing my car I don't use ramps, I hold my car up with my knees

13) I wear barbed wire instead of socks

14) I brush my teeth with a wire brush

15) I drink sand

16) I can do 0-60 in 2.5 seconds. That's twice as fast as my car.

17) I used hair straighteners to smash my teeth out when I got bored cleaning them.

18) when I cook tea I often cut my own finger off as a snack.

19) I ate Ian's cat because it gives short measures

20) I use sandpaper condoms.

21) I do my own electrical work - stripping wires with my teeth - and leave the supply on whilst doing it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1) I cost my cornflakes every morning with lead filings and 99Ron fuel.

2) I cut the grass by pouring petrol over it and setting fire!

3) I chew on wild rabbits as a snack.

4) I blow my tyres up with my mouth.

5) I shave with a bowie knife.

6) I changed my oil and used my teeth to get the sup plug off!

7) I too changed my oil and drank the waste!

8) I eat my dinner with a pitch fork and machete.

9) My cat has been trained to be the local drug dealer

10) I drive a pick up truck. The manliest vehicle in the known universe

11) I am ians cats best customer

12) When servicing my car I don't use ramps, I hold my car up with my knees

13) I wear barbed wire instead of socks

14) I brush my teeth with a wire brush

15) I drink sand

16) I can do 0-60 in 2.5 seconds. That's twice as fast as my car.

17) I used hair straighteners to smash my teeth out when I got bored cleaning them.

18) when I cook tea I often cut my own finger off as a snack.

19) I ate Ian's cat because it gives short measures

20) I use sandpaper condoms.

21) I do my own electrical work - stripping wires with my teeth - and leave the supply on whilst doing it.

22) When I do push-ups my body stays still and the earth moves up and down

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1) I cost my cornflakes every morning with lead filings and 99Ron fuel.

2) I cut the grass by pouring petrol over it and setting fire!

3) I chew on wild rabbits as a snack.

4) I blow my tyres up with my mouth.

5) I shave with a bowie knife.

6) I changed my oil and used my teeth to get the sup plug off!

7) I too changed my oil and drank the waste!

8) I eat my dinner with a pitch fork and machete.

9) My cat has been trained to be the local drug dealer

10) I drive a pick up truck. The manliest vehicle in the known universe

11) I am ians cats best customer

12) When servicing my car I don't use ramps, I hold my car up with my knees

13) I wear barbed wire instead of socks

14) I brush my teeth with a wire brush

15) I drink sand

16) I can do 0-60 in 2.5 seconds. That's twice as fast as my car.

17) I used hair straighteners to smash my teeth out when I got bored cleaning them.

18) when I cook tea I often cut my own finger off as a snack.

19) I ate Ian's cat because it gives short measures

20) I use sandpaper condoms.

21) I do my own electrical work - stripping wires with my teeth - and leave the supply on whilst doing it.

22) When I do push-ups my body stays still and the earth moves up and down

23) I pop into fine haberdasheries and say "Your hats are less than exceptional."

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Share on other sites

1) I cost my cornflakes every morning with lead filings and 99Ron fuel.

2) I cut the grass by pouring petrol over it and setting fire!

3) I chew on wild rabbits as a snack.

4) I blow my tyres up with my mouth.

5) I shave with a bowie knife.

6) I changed my oil and used my teeth to get the sup plug off!

7) I too changed my oil and drank the waste!

8) I eat my dinner with a pitch fork and machete.

9) My cat has been trained to be the local drug dealer

10) I drive a pick up truck. The manliest vehicle in the known universe

11) I am ians cats best customer

12) When servicing my car I don't use ramps, I hold my car up with my knees

13) I wear barbed wire instead of socks

14) I brush my teeth with a wire brush

15) I drink sand

16) I can do 0-60 in 2.5 seconds. That's twice as fast as my car.

17) I used hair straighteners to smash my teeth out when I got bored cleaning them.

18) when I cook tea I often cut my own finger off as a snack.

19) I ate Ian's cat because it gives short measures

20) I use sandpaper condoms.

21) I do my own electrical work - stripping wires with my teeth - and leave the supply on whilst doing it.

22) When I do push-ups my body stays still and the earth moves up and down

23) I pop into fine haberdasheries and say "Your hats are less than exceptional."

24) I got into a knife fight. The knife lost

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