EH 370z Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 The top 10 Edinburgh festival funnies: 1) Nick Helm: "I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves." 2) Tim Vine: "Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels." 3) Hannibal Buress: "People say 'I'm taking it one day at a time'. You know what? So is everybody. That's how time works." 4) Tim Key: "Drive-Thru McDonalds was more expensive than I thought... once you've hired the car..." 5) Matt Kirshen: "I was playing chess with my friend and he said, 'Let's make this interesting'. So we stopped playing chess." 6) Sarah Millican: "My mother told me, you don't have to put anything in your mouth you don't want to. Then she made me eat broccoli, which felt like double standards." 7) Alan Sharp: "I was in a band which we called The Prevention, because we hoped people would say we were better than The Cure." 8) Mark Watson: "Someone asked me recently - what would I rather give up, food or sex. Neither! I'm not falling for that one again, wife." 9) Andrew Lawrence: "I admire these phone hackers. I think they have a lot of patience. I can't even be bothered to check my OWN voicemails." 10) DeAnne Smith: "My friend died doing what he loved ... Heroin." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wackosr Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 Can't beat the simlpe one liners! Quite a fan of Jimmy Carr I must admit. Contemplating a trip to Cardiff this weekend to see him! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HaydnH Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 I just got back from the Fringe on Weds, wish I could tell you lot what the acts get up to after their gigs but hey... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SwanageDave Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 two old woman meet for a coffee, one lady says to the other "did you come on the bus" other replies "yes, but i made it look like an asthma attack" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SwanageDave Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 my Dad was a man a few words ? he used to say to me Son........ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
glrnet Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 "I ate a ploughmans lunch, he wasn't very happy" Frank Carson" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vik54 Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 two old woman meet for a coffee, one lady says to the other "did you come on the bus" other replies "yes, but i made it look like an asthma attack" Two nuns on their bikes have to take a detour down a back street - one says to the other "I've never come this way before" - other says "Its the cobbles" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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