Liam's Z Posted December 14, 2006 Share Posted December 14, 2006 > > > > This is allegedly an actual job application that a 75-year-old pensioner > submitted to B&Q in Tunbridge Wells. > They hired him because he was so funny..... > > > > NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Bastard) > > SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who > will cooperate) > > DESIRED POSITION: Company's Chief Executive or Managing Director. But > seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I > wouldn't be applying in the first place - would I? > > DESIRED SALARY: £150,,000 a year plus share options and a Tony Blair style > redundancy package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle. > > > EDUCATION: Yes. > > LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility. > > PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth. > > MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and > post-it notes. > > REASON FOR LEAVING: It was a crap job. > > HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any. > > PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday. > > DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more > intimate environment. > > MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here? > > DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP > TO 50 lbs.?: Of what? > > DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do > you have a car that runs?" > > HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a > winner of the Reader's Digest Timeshare Free Holiday Offer, so they tell me. > > > DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no! > On my breaks - yes! > > WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a > fabulously wealthy Swedish supermodel with big tits and who thinks I'm the > greatest thing since sliced bread. > Actually, I'd like to be doing that now. > > NEAREST RELATIVE ....7 miles > > > DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR > > > KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sarnie Posted December 14, 2006 Share Posted December 14, 2006 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian Posted December 14, 2006 Share Posted December 14, 2006 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jim Posted December 14, 2006 Share Posted December 14, 2006 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
P15UL T Posted December 14, 2006 Share Posted December 14, 2006 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lomoto Posted December 15, 2006 Share Posted December 15, 2006 nice one Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sgt Wilson Posted December 15, 2006 Share Posted December 15, 2006 Over qualified!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sl114 Posted December 15, 2006 Share Posted December 15, 2006 Excellent Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
captint Posted December 15, 2006 Share Posted December 15, 2006 Myth Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sarnie Posted December 15, 2006 Share Posted December 15, 2006 Myth Killjoy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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