M13KYF Posted November 2, 2006 Share Posted November 2, 2006 Just in case you need a laugh: Remember it takes a college degree to >fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for >those >of us who fly routinely in our jobs. >After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe >sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The >mechanics >correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots >review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that >ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual maintenance >complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the >solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, >Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an >accident. > >P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. >S: Almost replaced left inside main tire. > >P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. >S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. > > >P: Something loose in cockpit. >S: Something tightened in cockpit. > > >P: Dead bugs on windshield. >S: Live bugs on back-order. >P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute >descent. >S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. > > >P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. > >S: Evidence removed. > > >P: DME volume unbelievably loud. >S: DME volume set to more believable level. > > >P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. >S: That's what friction locks are for. > >P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode. >S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. > >P: Suspected crack in windshield. >S: Suspect you're right. > > >P: Number 3 engine missing. >S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. > > >P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!) >S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. > > >P: Target radar hums. >S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. > > >P: Mouse in cockpit. >S: Cat installed. > > >And the best one for last.................. > >P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget > pounding on something with a hammer. >S: Took hammer away from midget. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trev-the-Rev Posted November 2, 2006 Share Posted November 2, 2006 Absolutely brilliant - keep em coming. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GrahamB Posted November 2, 2006 Share Posted November 2, 2006 Just made me look like a right wally by bursting out laughing in the middle of the office! I was a particular fan of the "missing" engine. Quite superb.... post of the week! G Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
charlied Posted November 2, 2006 Share Posted November 2, 2006 I haven't flown for five years... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jim Posted November 2, 2006 Share Posted November 2, 2006 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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