UNABASHED Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 Ever eager to try stuff like repairs and mods on my car I decided that last night I would cut the slats from my front bumper and put some alexmesh in it's place. While there I thought I would also swap the indicator and sidelight bulbs, fix one of the headlights that has cracked across one of the fixings, attach my shiny new arch lining, fix the number plate, re-attach the fallen Z badge and give the engine bay a jolly good clean. Simple right? For a normal person, yes. But for me, a person who seems to be one step over the mental retardation line, this was splitting the atom kinda stuff. I started by going to Machine Mart on way home from work to get me a dremmel to cut the slats from the bumper. They didn't have one and so I had to make the decision of trekking around to next shop in traffic or buy the next best alternative - a hacksaw. Of course I went for the ridiculous option and bought a hacksaw It was a sunny day, I had my junior hacksaw (and a myriad of replacement blades should they be required!) and the going was good. I got home and the neighbours have parked outside my house on both sides so I can't use the spots to jack the car up. After arguing with one of the neighbours I was getting nowhere so tried the other side and he was more than happy to help me out and park in my drive while I used the (flat) roadside. After that was sorted it was on with the shorts and under the car I went. Jacked it up started taking all the fixings holding the bumper on, all went well until I got to the two bolts on either side in the bottom corners holding the bumper to the bottom of front arches. They would not budge. After 7 years of staying put they had obviously decided that that was home and nobody would be telling them otherwise. 20 minutes of swearing, WD40 spraying and ripping my hand with the stupid little spanner and I got nowhere. Suddenly they started to turn, hurrah thought I, then I realised that I had ripped them through the plastic of the bumper. Fine. at least they were off, I could look at fixing that later. The bumper then came off and I was on my way home! Took the bumper round back to work on and got my trusty hacksaw out, it glinted in the sunlight and I congratulated myself on the wise and thoughtful purchase I made - not to mention I saved a cool £5-ish over the dremel! started to saw through the slats, how easy this was! Fast forward 15 minutes and the slats were off but the mouth of my bumper was now splinted with a broken toothed grin. The problem I had was the was no angle I could get that meant I could cut the plastic off in a straight line sop the only option was to cut many, many angled cuts. After another 20 minutes I realised this was not going to work how I wanted it to work without spending the full weekend sawing and sanding. STUPID BLOODY HACKSAW - THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! I did what any self respecting man would do in this situation, I quit. I decided to move onto my lights and I would sort the bumper after that. Removed the light which needed minor repair and took it inside. I repaired the broken bits (no drama!) and opened my parcel of bulbs I had bought. Took out the new shiny silver indicator and removed the old bulb. @*!#. They're different. Looks like I'll be wasting a bit more money buying replacements then! At least I have my lovely little LED sidelights, stuck them in and went back outside to bask in the glow of not only the 'super bright LED sidelights' but also in the glory of a job well done. Neither sidelights were working. Hmmm, checked all connections and everything seemed fine. swapped new for old to test and they're not working either. Eventually, after a lot of fiddling around and moving bulbs and wires about I did it. I made sure that not only the sidelights stopped working, but also the main beam. Dammit. Again I took the best option and quit. Took a drive in the other car to find me a dremel and some replacement bulbs, everywhere shut. By this point I was hungry and pi**ed off so decided to get some eats and chill out a while. after that got back at the bloody bumper with the stupid bloody hacksaw. Made little discernable difference so threw the hacksaw in a bush and quit for the night. Current situation is - neither front lights working in any capacity, bumper likes like it's done 12 rounds with Tyson, don't have the correct bulbs and I've had to go to work in the crappy car. What have a learnt? 1. A dremel multi-tool is a damn good thing to have around when you need it. 2. Hacksaws are stupid. Best thing is, I get to do it all again tonight when I get home! P.S. I also found that I have a Kiora(sp) bottle lid being used as the coolant top - anyone know where I can get a quick, cheap replacement without having the visit the Hell which is Nissan Leeds? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ATTAK Z Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 You are not alone Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
martinmac Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 All good fun mate. I have a coolant bottle if you want one. Any chance you could pop to tomorrows meet to get it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dcash5 Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 HA HA you should be an author that sh!t is hilarious! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wasso Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 I had the same issues attempting to fit my NOS - it's not easy - especially when you don't have the tools!! I'm giving Abbey my car to do a collection of jobs in one hit. Simples!! Love the part in your story "Made little discernable difference so threw the hacksaw in a bush and quit for the night." - I would have done the same also, but set fire to the bush to make sure nobody else would fall victim of the hacksaw! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Digsy Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 Glad I'm not the only one. Well done for posting - hope it was cathartic. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dcash5 Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 Best advice I can offer from working on all my own cars: Never by cheap tools Always use the right tool for the job Take your time, bolts rarely need forcing. If they dont move you are probably doing something wrong, or you need to use better penetrating oil. Research research research Ask advice of mates, garages, forums And most of all if you're still not sure seek help. Whether that is asking a mate to stand over you or giving it to a garage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ATTAK Z Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 My advice If it has to be done ..................................................................... 1) Pay someone to do what you don't enjoy doing and are crap at 2) Charge someone to do what you enjoy doing and are good at That way the money goes round and round and everyone is happy.... ...... 'cept of course those who just want to scrounge Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Husky Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 HA HA you should be an author that sh!t is hilarious! +1 im practically on the floor in tears :lol: sounds familiar mate i have the worst luck!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrLizard Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 even with a dremel i would still suggest sanding the mouth, i used an air powered dremel and it was so powerful i managed to lose control of it twice and it started dremelling anything it could see, best bit of advice from me would be take your time, realise your going to get pi$$ed off and allow ample time to take it out on your annoying neighbour Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tarmac@TarmacSportz Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 Dude... thats hilarious I too have had days very similar so im glad im not alone Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Husky Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 one word zunsport Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ATTAK Z Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 one word zunsport +1 shiny or black .... either would look great on an Azure Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfman Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 Best advice I can offer from working on all my own cars: Never by cheap tools Always use the right tool for the job Take your time, bolts rarely need forcing. If they dont move you are probably doing something wrong, or you need to use better penetrating oil. Research research research Ask advice of mates, garages, forums And most of all if you're still not sure seek help. Whether that is asking a mate to stand over you or giving it to a garage. +1 learned that the hard way lol! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparky370z Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 proper funny mate, i too have had days like that!! NOTHING seems to go right. good luck tho Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andy Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 So glad you shared this with us all, especially in the manner you wrote it in, really made my day! I have lost count of the amount of times I have had a similar experience in the past with various cars so you are not alone Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vik54 Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 At least you gave it a go Can't get over the bottle top though! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neilp Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 Haha I have similar luck, chipped one of my lmgt4's tryin to loosen wheelbrace of after it jammed. Chipped my wheel arch with the jack while trying to kick the stop out from under the wheels. It's character building though, story is brilliant mate, I'm in noughts laughing Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
narcotix Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 That's pretty unlucky mate ... I'm sure you'll get it sorted soon though ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tarmac@TarmacSportz Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 That's pretty unlucky mate ... I'm sure you'll get it sorted soon though ... +1 I want to see a pic of the bumper !!!! Its educational.... take one tonight bud Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nixy Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 bloody hilarious! I'll strike you off my list of forum members local to me then that can handle a screw driver........ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IanS16 Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 Great erm.. write up Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zugara Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 Can i have the hacksaw if you dont want it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ruddles Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 Knowing that It's a Friday and reading that makes the day all worthwhile!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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