HSE Guidance - the singing of 'Festive Songs'

[vasser]

HSE Guidance - the singing of 'Festive Songs'

 

 

The Rocking Song

 

Little Jesus, sweetly sleep, do not stir; We will lend a coat of fur, We

will rock you, rock you, rock you,

We will rock you, rock you, rock you ...

Fur is no longer appropriate wear for small infants, both due to risk of

allergy to animal fur, and for ethical reasons. Therefore faux fur, a

nice cellular blanket or perhaps micro-fleece material should be

considered a suitable alternative.

Please note: only persons who have been subject to a Criminal Records

Bureau check and have enhanced clearance will be permitted to rock baby

Jesus. Persons must carry their CRB disclosure with them at all times

and be prepared to provide three forms of identification before rocking

commences.

 

 

Jingle Bells

 

Dashing through the snow -

In a one horse open sleigh,

O'er the fields we go -

Laughing all the way ...

A risk assessment must be submitted before an open sleigh is considered

safe for members of the public to travel on. The risk assessment must

also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a

venture, particularly if passengers are of larger proportions. Please

note, permission must be gained from landowners before entering their

fields. To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we

would request that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be

considered a noise nuisance.

 

 

While Shepherds Watched

 

While shepherds watched

Their flocks by night,

All seated on the ground

The angel of the Lord came down

And glory shone around ...

The union of Shepherd's has complained that it breaches health and

safety regulations to insist that shepherds watch their flocks without

appropriate seating arrangements being provided, therefore benches,

stools and orthopaedic chairs are now available. Shepherds have also

requested that due to the inclement weather conditions at this time of

year that they should watch their flocks via cctv cameras from centrally

heated shepherd observation huts.

Please note, the angel of the lord is reminded that before shining his /

her glory all around she / he must ascertain that all shepherds have

been issued with glasses capable of filtering out the harmful effects of

UVA, UVB and Glory.

 

 

Rudolph the red nosed reindeer

 

Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer

had a very shiny nose.

And if you ever saw him,

you would even say it glows ...

You are advised that under the Equal Opportunities for All policy, it is

inappropriate for persons to make comment with regard to the ruddiness

of any part of Mr. R. Reindeer. Further to this, exclusion of Mr R Reindeer

from the Reindeer Games will be considered discriminatory and disciplinary

action will be taken against those found guilty of this offence. A full

investigation will be implemented and sanctions - including suspension

on full pay - will be considered whilst this investigation takes place.

 

 

Little Donkey

 

Little donkey, little donkey on the dusty road; Got to keep on plodding

onwards with your precious load ...

The RSPCA have issued strict guidelines with regard to how heavy a load

that a donkey of small stature is permitted to carry, also included in

the guidelines is guidance regarding how often to feed the donkey and

how many rest breaks are required over a four hour plodding period.

Please note that due to the increased risk of pollution from the dusty road,

Mary and Joseph are required to wear face masks to prevent inhalation of any

airborne particles. The donkey has expressed his discomfort at being

labelled 'little' and would prefer just to be simply referred to as Mr.

Donkey. To comment upon his height or lack thereof may be considered

an infringement of his equine rights.

 

 

We Three Kings

 

We three kings of Orient are

Bearing gifts we traverse afar -

Field and fountain, moor and mountain

Following yonder star ...

Whilst the gift of gold is still considered acceptable - as it may be

redeemed at a later date through such organisations as 'cash for gold'

etc, gifts of frankincense and myrrh are not appropriate due to the

potential risk of oils and fragrances causing allergic reactions.

A suggested gift alternative would be to make a donation to a worthy

cause in the recipients name or perhaps give a gift voucher.

We would not advise that the traversing kings rely on navigation by

stars in order to reach their destinations and suggest the use of RAC

routefinder or satellite navigation, which will provide the quickest

route and advice regarding fuel consumption. Please note as per the

guidelines from the RSPCA for Mr Donkey, the camels carrying the

three kings of Orient will require regular food and rest breaks.

Facemasks for the three kings are also advisable due to the likelihood

of dust from the camels hooves.

[Ebized]

and......

 

However, there is no rush to implement the procedures above as Christmas has been postponed until 3rd June 2010.

 

This delay is due to Father Christmas having to do a “Principles of Moving and Handling†course to be legally able to shift heavy sacks of presents.

 

Also, moving at very high speeds through the upper atmosphere to distribute presents over a very short time has introduced the risk of collision with the many satellites that are now in geostationary orbit above the planet, so distribution has been contracted out to specialist land-based companies. In addition, access to chimneys now requires appropriate scaffolding to be erected at each dwelling.