PKAT Posted December 5, 2009 Share Posted December 5, 2009 ok folks, sharpen those pencils. Rules are...read the post above, add your line without quoting, so a casual observer will marvel at the true nature of our intellect, as they enjoy a cracking good read. There is no plot Nothing rude please. I don't want to get blocked! Here we go... Jemima and Cyril sat by the fire. 'twas the night before Christmas and the fire had gone out. There was no firewood ready and their Great Aunt - who they were staying with, had forgotten to order enough. It was bad enough having a manky old chicken to eat for Christmas let alone no presents, and now no fire! Jemima was cold. "Why us Cyril?" she moaned, standing up to kick the fireplace "it's not been the same since Dad remarried. Why do we have to be here? Why can't we go back home!" "You know why very well" whispered Cyril, looking down at his feet as he sat by the edge of the grate "SHE doesn't want us there and Daddy can't see it. I wish Mummy was still alive" and with that a huge bloom of ash and smoke fell from the chimney, all over Cyril!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chilli Red Posted December 5, 2009 Share Posted December 5, 2009 Cyril cough and wiped the soot away from his eyes. Jemima smiled, 'probably mum's way of letting us know she's listening and does want us to cause trouble for Dad. She always was to kind for her own good' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sarnie Posted December 5, 2009 Share Posted December 5, 2009 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PKAT Posted December 5, 2009 Author Share Posted December 5, 2009 Cyril certainly didn't share that view, and although the first thought that came into his head was to Christmas he changed his mind when he realised that there was something stuck up the chimney!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stanski Posted December 5, 2009 Share Posted December 5, 2009 Cyril sat there contemplating his blocked chimney when he heard a bark! Suddenly the room was full of soot f@@k he shouted!! Once the cloud of dust had settled he could see something moving on the carpet. What's this he said to Jemima? Jemima was an odd bird she used to sit for hours reading Mills and Boon romance novels while eating crinkle cut crisps in the bath playing her Bon Jovi CDs . She hated her name and preffered to be called by her weekend name of Pkat! Back to the story... The sooty covered mess moved then yelped and barked and coughed ... Oh blast ... It's Husky , Cyrils trusty dog.. Why was Husky up the chimney? How did he get up there and why did he have a plenium wrapped in carbon fibre between his teeth ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ATTAK Z Posted December 5, 2009 Share Posted December 5, 2009 Meanwhile, in a cold cold place further oop north, Rudolf asked "Where's Husky gone? - he was supposed to be helping me tonight" "He did say he might pop into South Korea on his way to work" replied Donna "Do you think he'll be OK?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Husky Posted December 5, 2009 Share Posted December 5, 2009 Husky shook the dirty black soot from his once glossy coat and, amazingly, operated the door handle to escape out of the front door. He ran off down the snow covered lane never to be seen again. Then a handsome man entered... He introduced himself as "Joey T" leaning in to warmly shake hands, flashing his blue eyes in Jemima's direction. Jemima, who at this point was weak at the knees, rose from her chair and greeted Joey with a nervous smile. "Lovely eyes" she exclaimed before getting hold of her rambling thoughts. "Thankyou, nice ..............??????.............." he exclaimed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PKAT Posted December 6, 2009 Author Share Posted December 6, 2009 "Crinkle crisps " he exclaimed. "They are baked" cooed Jemima as she wiped the traces of extra hot salsa from the sides of her mouth."Want one?" She asked, pushing the tube towards Joey T Joey T thought better of it, as one of Jemima's acrylic nails seemed to be missing and this was not the time to discover it. It brought back memories of the time when he shared a champagne bath with his previous girlfriend, and upon putting the champagne back into the bottles after they'd finished (tight git), realised there was still half a pint in the bath... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ATTAK Z Posted December 7, 2009 Share Posted December 7, 2009 "This is obviously a bit of an in joke" said Cyril in a suspicious manner "can someone please tell me what's going on" ............... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ATTAK Z Posted December 7, 2009 Share Posted December 7, 2009 "Why don't we go to the Pantomime" .......... Jemima retorted, quickly trying to change the subject .......... "my mate Sally says that 'Puss in Boots' is on at the Odeon this year and that there is a 'buy one get one free' offer for pensioners and immigrants" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PKAT Posted December 8, 2009 Author Share Posted December 8, 2009 " No I don't want to go to the panto Jem" moaned Cyril, obviously feeling as though everyone knew something that he didn't "I would like an explanation please Joey " and Cyril sat down in the chair looking as mean as he could, which is difficult to achieve with your flies partially undone "Look mate" started Joey T " You've got it all wrong, and do pull your self together?" he ended, pointing at Cyril's nether regions. "eh? wah? oh!" said Cyril, hastily correcting himself. This successfully diffused the situation, and before Cyril could gather his thoughts to start again with his round of questioning, the chimney coughed soot again. A huge plume sallied forth, all over Cyril and the chair that he was sitting in. They heard coughing as the dust settled... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BulletMagnet Posted December 8, 2009 Share Posted December 8, 2009 Once the dust had settled, one could see Bobby Ewing clearing his lungs. As he cleared his throat from the soot, he gazed around the room, not recognizing his surroundings. He gave a sigh and said "Not another dream...." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Husky Posted December 9, 2009 Share Posted December 9, 2009 Once the dust had settled, one could see Bobby Ewing clearing his lungs.As he cleared his throat from the soot, he gazed around the room, not recognizing his surroundings. He gave a sigh and said "Not another dream...." Bobby walked through to the bathroom, got in the shower and closed his eyes, muttering to himself incoherently. Meanwhile in a house down the street a jolly fat man followed the theme of the night and fell down the chimney. After the dust settles in a cream living room he is startled by a beautiful 19 year old blonde! Knowing who he is she asks "Santa, will you stay with me?". Realising he has the wrong house Santa says, "Ho Ho Ho I gotta go, gotta go! I gotta deliver these toys to the children, y'know!" She unexpectedly proceeds to take off her nightgown, and wearing only a bra and panties, she asks "Santa, now will you stay with me?". The big jolly man again shakes his head and says, "Ho Ho Ho I gotta go, gotta go! I gotta deliver these toys to the children, y'know!". Now she takes off everything and asks "Santa, now will you stay with me?". Santa replies "Hey Hey I gotta stay, gotta stay! I can't get up the chimney with my d**k this way!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PKAT Posted December 11, 2009 Author Share Posted December 11, 2009 Bobby was towelling himself down when Jemima entered the bathroom "There's a woman at the door asking if Bobby is here because she thinks S'wellin shot JR. I've told her you'll be out in a minute?" Jemima took the opportunity to gaze at Bobby "Nice tats" she grinned, exiting the bathroom as Bobby blushed "Look. Will someone tell me WHAT is going on?" Cyril flushed, angry that his attempts to exhort some truth were being misled. There was another knock at the door and Joey T took the opportunity to answer it, returning with Santa Claus and a rather fit young blond. Jemima looked at the assembled throng and decided it was time to put the kettle on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ATTAK Z Posted December 11, 2009 Share Posted December 11, 2009 "Now you look silly" retorted Cyril when Jemima returned wearing the kettle "All you need now is your patent leather boots and you'll be ready to star in the panto never mind sit and watch it" "They're behind you" chuckled Jemima taking the p!$$ out of Cyril "and that's not funny honey" ........."There you go again with your ABBAisms" said Cyril trying to restore a modicum of reserve into the conversation ......... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PKAT Posted December 12, 2009 Author Share Posted December 12, 2009 Bobby came out of the shower wearing a t shirt which belonged to Cyril. It was very tight and the blond watched his fluid torso rippling under the fabric and dribbled a little. Jemima stopped mid sentence too " Easy tiger" moaned Cyril, looking at Jemima's open mouth'd gaze "You'll look like a kettle in a minute if you steam up any more!" Santa Claus seemed very quiet and started scratching his beard. Which moved. The blond burbled "Loook! It's a false beard!" Santa realised that one of the hooks had come away from his ears and the beard was about to fall off. "It was too bloody itchy anyway" He stormed, ripping the beard from his face and pulling his hood down "I've had enough of this outfit" Santa ripped open his cloak to the gasp of all assembled... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BulletMagnet Posted December 13, 2009 Share Posted December 13, 2009 To the astonishment of all, underneath the Santa costume was in fact the easter bunny. "Ah.." he said, "I guess know you know what I do in the off season." "Awww..." said the blonde "A cute fluffy bunny wabbit! I got an outfit just like it, but it's just a bikini with a fluffy tail and a set of bunny ears" Bobby then asked "Do you happen to have that with you? be better than wearing that kettle..." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Husky Posted December 13, 2009 Share Posted December 13, 2009 she put the outift on and asked for help adjusting it while walking into the bedroom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PKAT Posted December 13, 2009 Author Share Posted December 13, 2009 "I quite enjoy wearing this kettle " Jemima said watching the blond being followed into the bedroom by a drooling Bobby "Bet she's got Mixy" she sniffed. "Never mind" soothed Cyril, "we can still make the matinee, and they have a BOGOF offer on, as its a Wednesday" "That's the cinema!!" snorted Jemima "You're such an idiot sometimes!!" A scream from the bedroom rang out through the house and Bobby ran out through the front door in a state of some distress "What is going on?" asked Santa, stroking his fur bunny outfit a little too closely "I'll find out" breathed Jemima, clanking as she went up the stairs to the blond. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ATTAK Z Posted December 13, 2009 Share Posted December 13, 2009 "Storm in a D cup" laughed Jemima as she rejoined the merry throng downstairs; closely followed by a distinctly angry red faced fit young blond fella Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PKAT Posted December 15, 2009 Author Share Posted December 15, 2009 "Storm in a D cup" laughed Jemima as she rejoined the merry throng downstairs; closely followed by a distinctly angry red faced fit young blond fella Santa grinned "Well that's my Christmas sorted out!!" and wandered outside to see where the 'boy' had gone... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Husky Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 With a distant rumble, the ground shook and the urge to turn round and discover the source of intense heat became overwhelming. A bright white flash, Jemima's arm went up to shield her eyes. No use, the light shone through showing her bone like a burning X-ray. Blackness, the intolerable heat had melted clothes and skin alike leaving a putrid smell in the air. Before anyone could think, move or act it was over. The nuclear blast wave had stripped the land of life leaving only crushed remains of a once peaceful community. Seconds it lasted, ending christmas forever. The dog who had run away lived however as he had fallen into an old disused bomb shelter. "How convenient" he thought Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nixy Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 "How convenient" he thought, as a tin of pedigree chum landed on his head - unfortunately his paws could not work the tin openener he found and he died of starvation........... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JT1703 Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 The End !! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ATTAK Z Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 The End !! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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