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One Liners


Ian

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Honestly some folk will take offence at anything, I met a bloke with no legs this morning while at the bus stop, all I asked was "how are you getting on?"

 

Paddy was in the delivery room when the midwife handed him a black baby "Is this yours?" she asked "probably" said Paddy "she burns everything else"

 

Abertillery girl sent an email to an agony Aunt "I am 12 years old and haven't had sex yet, do you think my brother is queer ?"

 

My missus has just gone into hospital with 2 black eyes and a broken jaw! It seems we were on different wavelengths when she said she wanted decking on the patio

 

Sex therapist claim that the most effective way to arouse your man is to spend 10 minutes licking his ears!! Personally I think its bo***ks!!

 

They reckon that Beer contains female hormones and I think they are right. After 8 pints I talk sh!t and can't drive!

 

Vicar booking into a hotel asks the receptionist "Is the Porn channel in my room disabled" "No" she replies "its just regular porn you sick b**tard"

 

A mate of mine has just told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her twin, I said how can you tell them apart, he said "her brothers got a moustache!"

 

A biker goes to the Doctor with hearing problems "Can you describe the symptoms to me" "Yes.....Homer is a fat yellow lazy b**tard and Marge is a skinny bird with big blue hair!!"

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