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Subject: FW: Law & Disorder


Martin W

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These are from a book called disorder in the American courts, and

are what these people said in court, word for word, taken down and now

published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm

while these exchanges were actually taking place.

 

___________________________

 

 

 

ATTORNEY; What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

 

WITNESS; Gucci sweats and Reebok's.

 

___________________________

 

 

 

ATTORNEY; Are you sexually active?

 

WITNESS; No I just lie there.

 

___________________________

 

 

 

ATTORNEY; This myasthenia gravis, does it effect your memory at all?

 

WITNESS; Yes.

 

ATTORNEY; And in what ways does it affect your memory?

 

WITNESS; I forget things.

 

ATTORNEY; You forget things? Can you give us an example of some thing

you forgot?

 

__________________________

 

 

 

ATTORNEY; Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?

 

WITNESS; We both do.

 

ATTORNEY; Voodoo?

 

WITNESS; We do.

 

ATTORNEY; You do?

 

WITNESS; Yes, woodoo.

 

________________________

 

 

 

ATTORNEY; Now doctor, isn't true that when a person dies in his sleep,

he doesn't know about until the next morning?

 

WITNESS; Did you actually pass the bar exam?

 

_______________________

 

 

 

ATTORNEY; The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

 

WITNESS; He's twenty, much like your IQ.

 

_______________________

 

 

 

ATTORNEY; Were you present when your picture was taken?

 

WITNESS; Are you shitting me?

 

______________________

 

 

 

ATTORNEY; So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

 

WITNESS; Yes.

 

ATTORNEY; And what were you doing at the time?

 

WITNESS; Getting laid.

 

_____________________

 

 

 

ATTORNEY; She had three children, right?

 

WITNESS: Yes.

 

ATTORNEY; How many where boys?

 

WITNESS; None.

 

ATTORNEY; Were there any girls?

 

WITNESS; Your Honor, I think I need a new attorney. Can I get a new

attorney?

 

_______________________

 

 

 

ATTORNEY; How was your first marriage terminated?

 

WITNESS; By death.

 

ATTORNEY; And by whose death was it terminated?

 

WITNESS; Take a guess.

 

______________________

 

ATTORNEY; Can you describe this individual?

 

WITNESS; He was about medium height and had a beard.

 

ATTORNEY; Was this a male or female?

 

WITNESS; Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.

 

_____________________________

 

 

 

ATTORNEY; Is your appearance here this morning persuant to a

deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?

 

WITNESS; No, this how I dress when I go to work.

 

_____________________________

 

 

 

ATTORNEY; Doctor, How many of your autopsies have you performed on

dead people?

 

WITNESS; All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

 

____________________________

 

 

 

ATTORNEY; All your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did go to?

 

WITNESS; Oral.

 

____________________________

 

 

 

ATTORNEY; Do you recall the time you examined the body?

 

WITNESS; The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

 

ATTORNEY; And Mr.Denton was dead at the time?

 

WITNESS; If not, he was by the time I finished.

 

_______________________

 

 

 

ATTORNEY; Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

 

WITNESS; Are you qualified to ask the question?

 

______________________________

 

 

 

And the best for last.

 

 

 

ATTORNEY; Doctor. Before you performed the autopsy, did you check for

a pulse?

 

WITNESS; No

 

ATTORNY; Did you check for blood pressure?

 

WITNESS; No.

 

ATTORNEY; Did you check for breathing?

 

WITNESS; No.

 

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you

began the autopsy?

 

WITNESS; No.

 

ATTORNEY; How can you be sure, Doctor?

 

WITNESS; Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

 

ATTORNEY; I see, but could the patient have still been alive,

nevertheless?

 

WITNESS; Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and

practicing law.

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