Saturday's Joke

[Zazur]

Students were assigned to read 2 books, "Titanic" & "My Life" by Bill Clinton.

One smart-ass student turned in the following book report, with the proposition that they were nearly identical stories! His cool professor gave him an A+ for this report:

 

Titanic:......$29.99

 

Clinton:..... $29.99

 

Titanic:...... Over 3 hours to read

 

Clinton:..... Over 3 hours to read

 

Titanic:...... The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.

 

Clinton:..... The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.

 

Titanic:..... Jack is a starving artist.

 

Clinton:..... Bill is a bullshit artist.

 

Titanic:..... In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.

 

Clinton:..... Ditto for Bill.

 

Titanic:..... During ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined.

 

Clinton:..... Ditto for Monica.

 

Titanic:..... Jack teaches Rose to spit.

 

Clinton:..... Let's not go there.

 

Titanic:..... Rose gets to keep her jewelry.

 

Clinton:..... Monica's forced to return her gifts.

 

Titanic:..... Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.

 

Clinton:..... Clinton doesn't remember Jack.

 

Titanic:..... Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.

 

Clinton:..... Monica...ooh, let's not go there, either.

 

Titanic:..... Jack surrenders to an icy death.

 

Clinton:..... Bill goes home to Hilary...basically the same thing.

 

 

 

 

Five surgeons are discussing who are the best patients to operate on. The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."

The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers...those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end and when the job takes longer than you said it would."

But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine, and the head and the ass are interchangeable.