Zazur Posted April 15, 2009 Share Posted April 15, 2009 The Lone Ranger was captured by an enemy Indian war party. The Indian Chief proclaims, "So, you are The Great Lone Ranger. In honor of the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days. But before I kill you, I grant you three requests. What is your first request?" The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse." The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger, who whispers in his ear, and the horse gallops away. Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back. As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night. The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed. "You have a very fine and loyal horse, but I still must kill you in two days. What is your second request? The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear. As before, Silver takes off and disappears over the horizon. Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a voluptuous redhead, more attractive than the blonde. She enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night. The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed. "You are indeed a man of many talents," he says, "but I still must kill you tomorrow. What is your last request?" The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse,.... ALONE!" The Chief is curious, but he agrees, and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent. Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says..."Listen very carefully ..for... the....last....time, I said..... BRING POSSE" International Rules of Manhood 01: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella 02: It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances: a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master. b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse. c. After wrecking your boss' car. d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game". e. When she is using her teeth. 03: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies. 04: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours. 05: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her. 06: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable. 07: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. 08: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest. 09: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing. 10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend. 11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel ..and it's free. 12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts. 13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked. 14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed. 15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything. 16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers. 17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight. 18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy. 19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer. 20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response. 21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights: a. Yeah, Baby, Push it! b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder! c. Another set and we can hit the showers! 22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e. Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need. 23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary. 24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs. 25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours. 26: Thou shall not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue. 27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story. 28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maccaman Posted April 15, 2009 Share Posted April 15, 2009 I now look forward to the the daily joke. They get copied, emailed to my work computer & then distributed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toon Chris Posted April 15, 2009 Share Posted April 15, 2009 26: Thou shall not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue. Orange Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nurrish Posted April 15, 2009 Share Posted April 15, 2009 Surely Zazur should be appointed "Z Official Joke Teller" under his name or something to match his joke posting wizardry Its about time to honor him Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zazur Posted April 15, 2009 Author Share Posted April 15, 2009 Surely Zazur should be appointed "Z Official Joke Teller" under his name or something to match his joke posting wizardry Its about time to honor him Thanks for your kind comments Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunsetZed Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 26 seems harsh, I reckon he added 'orange' in! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.