Zazur Posted April 11, 2009 Share Posted April 11, 2009 I Need A Raise! I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons: * I do physical labour * I work at great depths * I work head first * I do not get RDO's, weekends off or public holidays * I work in a damp environment * I don't get paid overtime or shift penalties * I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation * I work in high temperatures * My work exposes me to contagious diseases Response from the administration: After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons: * You do not work 8 hours straight * You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods * You do not always follow the orders of the management team * You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit other areas * You take a lot of non-rostered breaks * You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working * You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift * You don't always observe OH&S measures, such as wearing the correct protective outfits * You don't wait till pension age before retiring * You don't like working double shifts * You sometimes leave your allocated position before you have completed the day's work * And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and leaving the work place carrying 2 suspicious looking bags. Subject: a HANDY WORD > > > > > >>>> > > > > > > >>>> >>There's only one other word that I can think of that's more > > > > > >flexible > > > > > >>>than > > > > > >>>> >>this one! > > > > > >>>> >> > > > > > >>>> >>@*!# is a powerful word. Just think of all the concepts >and > > > > >ideas > > > > > >you > > > > > >>>can > > > > > >>>> >>communicate with it. @*!# may just be the most powerful >word in > > > > > >the > > > > > >>>> >>English language. > > > > > >>>> >> > > > > > >>>> >>CONSIDER THIS: > > > > > >>>> >> > > > > > >>>> >>You can be @*!# faced, be @*!# out of luck, or have @*!# >for > > > > > >brains. > > > > > >>>> >> > > > > > >>>> >>With a little effort you can get your @*!# together, find a >place > > > > > >for > > > > > >>>your > > > > > >>>> >>@*!# or decide to @*!# or get off the pot. > > > > > >>>> >> > > > > > >>>> >>You can smoke @*!#, buy @*!#, sell @*!#, lose @*!#, find >@*!#, > > > > > >forget > > > > > >>>@*!#, > > > > > >>>> >>and tell others to eat @*!# and die. > > > > > >>>> >> > > > > > >>>> >>You can @*!# or go blind, have a @*!# fit or just @*!# your >life > > > > > >away. > > > > > >>>> >> > > > > > >>>> >>People can be @*!# headed, @*!# brained, @*!# blinded, and >@*!# > > > > > >over. > > > > > >>>> >> > > > > > >>>> >>Some people know their @*!# while others can't tell the > > > > >difference > > > > > >>>between > > > > > >>>> >>@*!# and shineola or apple butter. > > > > > >>>> >> > > > > > >>>> >>There are lucky shits, dumb shits, crazy shits, and sweet >shits. > > > > > >>>> >> > > > > > >>>> >>There is bull @*!#, horse @*!# and chicken @*!#. > > > > > >>>> >> > > > > > >>>> >>You can throw @*!#, sling @*!#, catch @*!#, or duck when >the @*!# > > > > > >hits > > > > > >>>the > > > > > >>>> >fan. > > > > > >>>> >> > > > > > >>>> >>You can take a @*!#, give a @*!#, or serve @*!# on a >shingle. > > > > > >>>> >> > > > > > >>>> >>You can find yourself in deep @*!#, or be happier than a >pig in > > > > > >@*!#. > > > > > >>>> >> > > > > > >>>> >>Some days are colder than @*!#, some days are hotter than >@*!#, > > > > > >and > > > > > >>>some > > > > > >>>> >>days are just plain shitty. > > > > > >>>> >> > > > > > >>>> >>Some music sounds like @*!#, things can look like @*!#, and >there > > > > > >are > > > > > >>>times > > > > > >>>> >>when you feel like @*!#. > > > > > >>>> >> > > > > > >>>> >>You can have too much @*!#, not enough @*!#, the right >@*!#, the > > > > > >wrong > > > > > >>>@*!# > > > > > >>>> >>or a lot of weird @*!#. > > > > > >>>> >> > > > > > >>>> >>You can carry @*!#, have a mountain of @*!#, or find >yourself up > > > > > >@*!# > > > > > >>>creek > > > > > >>>> >>without a paddle. > > > > > >>>> >> > > > > > >>>> >>Sometimes you really need this @*!# and sometimes you don't >want > > > > > >any > > > > > >>>@*!# > > > > > >>>> >>at all. > > > > > >>>> >> > > > > > >>>> >>Sometimes everything you touch turns to @*!# and other >times you > > > > > >swim > > > > > >>>in a > > > > > >>>> >>lake of @*!# and come out smelling like a rose. > > > > > >>>> >> > > > > > >>>> >>@*!#! When you stop to consider all the facts, it's the >basic > > > > > >building > > > > > >>>> >>block of creation. > > > > > >>>> >> > > > > > >>>> >>And remember, once you know your @*!#, you don't need to >know > > > > > >anything > > > > > >>>> >else. Having A Bad Day? Deep thoughts.. The next time you're having a bad day, imagine this: You're a Siamese twin. Your brother, attached at your shoulder, is gay. You're not. He has a date coming over today. But you only have one ass. Feel better? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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