JT1703 Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 DON'T waste money on expensive ipods. Simply think of your favourite tune and hum it. If you want to "switch tracks", simply think of another song you like and hum that instead. DON'T waste money on expensive paper shredders to avoid having your identity stolen. Simply place a few dog turds in the bin bags along with your old bank statements. HOMEOWNERS: Prevent burglars stealing everything in the house by simply moving everything in the house into your bedroom when you go to bed. In the morning, simply move it all back again. SAVE money on expensive personalised car number plates by simply changing your name to match your existing plate. - Mr. KVL 741Y, DON'T waste money buying expensive binoculars; simply stand closer to the object you wish to view. AN empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an inexpensive vibrator. RANGERS fans can save money on expensive new kits by simply strapping a large fake penis to your forehead. It is now clear to all, as to your allegiance. SAVE electricity by turning off all the lights in your house and walking around wearing a miner's hat. HOUSEWIVES, the best way to get two bottles of washing-up liquid for the price of one is by putting one in your shopping trolley and the other in your coat pocket. OLD telephone directories make ideal personal address books, simply cross out the names and address of people you don't know. SAVE on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whisky. The following morning you can create the effects of a hangover by drinking a thimble full of washing up liquid and banging your head repeatedly on the wall. SAVE a fortune on laundry bills. Give your dirty shirts to Oxfam, they will wash and iron them and you can buy them back for fifty pence. CAN'T afford contact lenses? Simply cut out small circles of cling film and press them into your eyes. WHY pay the earth for expensive jigsaws? Just take a bag of frozen chips from the freezer and try piecing together potatoes. MIX tea with coffee, and leave in the fridge to cool. Hey presto! Toffee. MAKE your own inexpensive mints by leaving blobs of toothpaste to dry on a window sill. Use striped toothpaste to make humbugs. SHOPPERS, when buying oranges, get more for your money by peeling them before taking them to the counter to be weighed. WOMEN: Don't waste energy faking orgasms. Most men couldn't care less anyway and you could use the saved energy to Hoover the house afterwards. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
N1SM0350z Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 "SAVE a fortune on laundry bills. Give your dirty shirts to Oxfam, they will wash and iron them and you can buy them back for fifty pence." :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cara Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 Some of them had me laughing out loud However - "WOMEN: Don't waste energy faking orgasms. Most men couldn't care less anyway and you could use the saved energy to Hoover the house afterwards." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JT1703 Posted March 18, 2009 Author Share Posted March 18, 2009 Some of them had me laughing out loud However - "WOMEN: Don't waste energy faking orgasms. Most men couldn't care less anyway and you could use the saved energy to Hoover the house afterwards." How did I know that you'd pick up on that one ?!?! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cara Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 Some of them had me laughing out loud However - "WOMEN: Don't waste energy faking orgasms. Most men couldn't care less anyway and you could use the saved energy to Hoover the house afterwards." How did I know that you'd pick up on that one ?!?! Women are outnumbered here... we need to defend ourselves Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maccaman Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 Some of them had me laughing out loud However - "WOMEN: Don't waste energy faking orgasms. Most men couldn't care less anyway and you could use the saved energy to Hoover the house afterwards." How did I know that you'd pick up on that one ?!?! Women are outnumbered here... we need to defend ourselves Why are you wasting time reading these? You could be hoovering. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trev-the-Rev Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JT1703 Posted March 18, 2009 Author Share Posted March 18, 2009 haha brave man !! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sarnie Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 Some of them had me laughing out loud However - "WOMEN: Don't waste energy faking orgasms. Most men couldn't care less anyway and you could use the saved energy to Hoover the house afterwards." How did I know that you'd pick up on that one ?!?! Women are outnumbered here... we need to defend ourselves Why are you wasting time reading these? You could be hoovering. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bronzee Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 haha brave man !! The word masochist comes to mind. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cara Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 The word masochist comes to mind. Agreed.... beginning to think Maccaman likes these new slapping smilies.......... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stew Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 The word masochist comes to mind. Agreed.... beginning to think Maccaman likes these new slapping smilies.......... Maybe he's a very naughty boy...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
H5 Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 OLD telephone directories make ideal personal address books, simply cross out the names and address of people you don't know. I know some people that would actually try this! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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