Trev-the-Rev Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 The following questions were set in last year's GCSE examination in Swindon , Wiltshire. These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds) Q. Name the four seasons A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar Q.. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists Q. How is dew formed A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire Q. What causes the tides in the oceans A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election Q. What are steroids A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs Q. What happens to your body as you age A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery Q.. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes A. Premature death Q. What is artificial insemination A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow Q. How can you delay milk turning sour A. Keep it in the cow Q. How are the main parts of the body categorised (eg the abdomen) A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A,E,I,O and U Q. What is the fibula A. A small lie Q. What does 'varicose' mean A. Nearby Q. What is the most common form of birth control A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section' A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome Q. What is a seizure A. A Roman Emperor Q. What is a terminal illness A. When you are sick at the airport Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face Q. What does the word 'benign' mean A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight Q. What is a turbine A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
martinmac Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maccaman Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greekman Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 PMSL Seriously now i hope thats not the level of English education... i may be bringing my kids up here one day..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JT1703 Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cara Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 Some of those are hilarious - sad thing is, I can quite believe some of those being real answers given these days Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IanS16 Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 Thank god they filter out the dead canoeists! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rtbiscuit Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 lots of those answers sounds like they come from the ASDAN students especially as lots of answers seem to come from health and social care. i suppose you could refer to ASDAN students as the cream of the crop, but at the wrong end. i love working withthose kind of students, they are great fun to teach, and as you can see have some of the best repsonses to questions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jay Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bronzee Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 What an edumication. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stew Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 :lol: I worked with a guy that constantly made a fool of himself due to a sub standard education. He once booked two weeks Anal Holidays..... There are loads more but more are work related. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zedrush Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 Q. What is artificial insemination A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tmJak Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shuck Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 I've seen that before but it is hilarious. I don't know how teachers keep a straight face. If a kid gave me that answer in a class, I'd be in tears! Any hints from teachers? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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