Stew Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 If it's a repost............ahdinnygeeahfook! What was the name of the first Scottish cowboy? Hawkeye The Noo. What do you call a pigeon that goes to Aviemore for its holidays? A skean dhu. How many Spanish guys does it take to change a lightbulb? Just Juan. 'What's the difference between The Rolling Stones and an Aberdeen sheep farmer? The Rolling Stones say: 'Hey you, get off of my cloud.' And an Aberdeen sheep farmer says: 'Hey McLeod, get off of ma ewe. 'What do you call an illegitimate Scottish insect? A wee fly b*****d. Did you hear about the BBC Scotland series that features the queue for the toilets at Waverley Station? It's called The Aw' Needin' Line. While being interviewed for a job as a bus driver, a guy is asked: 'What would you do if you had a rowdy passenger?' 'I'd put him off at the next stop,' he says. 'Good. And what would you do if you couldn't get the fare?' 'I'd take the first two weeks in August,' he replies. Two negatives make a positive but only in Scotland do two positives make a negative - 'Aye right.' A Glasgow man - steaming and skint - is walking down Argyle Street when he spots a guy tinkering with the engine of his car! 'What's up Jimmy?' he asks. 'Piston broke,' he replies. 'Aye, same as masel... A pregnant teenage girl phones her dad at midnight and says: 'Can you come and get me? I think ma water has broken' 'Okay,' says her dad. 'Where are you ringing from? 'Fae my knickers tae ma feet. ' A Glasgow woman goes to the dentist and settles down in the chair. 'Comfy?'asks the dentist. 'Govan,' she replies. What did the male Siamese twins from Glasgow call their autobiography ...? Oor Wullie. A guy walks into an antiques shop and says: 'How much for the set of antlers?' 'Two hundred quid,' says the bloke behind the counter' 'That's affa dear,' says the guy. 'Aye yer right!' replies the bloke Did you hear about the fella who liked eating bricks and cement? He's awa' noo. After announcing he's getting married, a boy tells his pal he'll be Wearing the kilt. 'And what's the tartan?' asks his mate. 'Oh, she'll be wearing a white dress,' Ten cows in a field. Which one is closest to Iraq ? Coo eight. Three wee jobbies sitting on the pavement. Which one's a Musketeer? The dark tan yin. A Scotsman in London is having trouble phoning his sister from a telephone box. So he calls the operator who asks in a plummy voice: 'Is there money in the box? 'Naw, it's just me,' he replies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jay Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nurrish Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jim Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 Some of these are so old they've got whiskers on them, but still very amusing. Number 7 might need some explanation for those from outwith the west of Scotland. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lexx Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 :lol::lol: Heard most of them before, but still make me laugh. Jokes are always better when you can associate them with the places you've lived! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JT1703 Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stew Posted March 4, 2009 Author Share Posted March 4, 2009 Most are Weegie specific. I think quite a few will need explanation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.