Diary of an Englishman Living in Aberdeenshire

[Cara]

Couldn't help posting this (sorry for the format, FWD'd email I got this morning)

 

 

"OUR FIRST WINTER" DEC 20th It's Starting to Snow.

 

> > The first of the season, & the first we've seen for

 

> > years. The wife & I took our hot toddies & sat on

 

> > the porch watching the fluffy soft flakes drift gently down,

 

> > clinging to the trees & covering the ground. It's so

 

> > beautiful & peaceful. DEC24th We awoke to a lovely

 

> > blanket of crystal white glistening snow covering as far as

 

> > the eye could see. What a fantastic sight, every tree &

 

> > bush covered with a beautiful white mantle. I shovelled snow

 

> > for the first time ever, & I loved it. I did both our

 

> > driveway & the pavement. Later that day a snowplough

 

> > came along and accidentally covered up our driveway with

 

> > compacted snow from the street. The driver smiled &

 

> > waved. I waved back and shovelled it away again. The

 

> > children next door built a snowman with coal for eyes and a

 

> > carrot for a nose, & had a snowball fight, a couple just

 

> > missed me & hit the car, so I threw a few back &

 

> > joined in their fun. DEC

 

> > 26th It snowed an additional 5 inches last night & the

 

> > temperature dropped to around minus 8 degrees. Several

 

> > branches on our trees & bushes snapped due to the weight

 

> > of the snow. I shovelled our driveway again. Shortly

 

> > afterwards the snowplough came by & did his trick again.

 

> > Much of the snow is now a brownish grey. JAN 1st Warmed up

 

> > enough during the day to create some slush which soon became

 

> > ice when the temperature dropped again. Bought snow tyres

 

> > for both our cars. Fell on my erse in the driveway. Went to

 

> > doctor but nothing was broken. JAN 5th Still cold. Sold the

 

> > wife's car & bought her a 4 x 4 to get her to work.

 

> > She slid into a wall & did considerable damage to the

 

> > right wing. Had another 8 inches of white sheitee last

 

> > night. Both vehicles are covered in salt & iced up

 

> > slush. That barsteward snowplough came by twice today.

 

> > Where's that bloody shovel.? JAN 9th More flucking snow.

 

> > Not a tree or bush on our property that hasn't been

 

> > damaged.

 

> > Power was off most of the night. Tried to keep from

 

> > freezing to death with candles & a paraffin heater that

 

> > tipped over & nearly torched the house. I managed to put

 

> > the flames out but suffered 2nd degree burns to my hands.

 

> > Lost my eyebrows & eyelashes. Car hit a flucking deer on

 

> > the way to casualty & was written off. JAN 13th flucking

 

> > barsteward white sheitee just keeps on coming down. Have to

 

> > put on every article of clothing just to go to the post box.

 

> > The little sheites next door ambushed me with snowballs on

 

> > the way back. I'll shove that carrot so far up the little

 

> > guys' erse; It'll take a good surgeon hours to find it.

 

> > If I ever catch the ersehole that drives that snowplough

 

> > I'll chew open his chest & rip out his heart with my

 

> > teeth. I think the barsteward hides round the corner &

 

> > waits for me to finish shovelling & then he accelerates

 

> > down the street like Michael "flucking" Schumacher &

 

> > buries the flucking drive again. JAN 17th 16 more

 

> > sodding inches of flucking snow & flucking ice &

 

> > flucking sleet & god knows what other white sheitee fell

 

> > last night. I am in court in 3 months time for assaulting

 

> > the snowplough driver with an ice pick. Cant move my

 

> > flucking toes. Haven't seen the sun for 5 weeks. Minus 20

 

> > & more barsteward snow is forecast. This place really is

 

> > the erse end of nowhere; I'm moving back to civilisation.!

[Stew]

:lol:

[Ian]

:lol:

[JT1703]

[Trev-the-Rev]

[ZMANALEX]

:lol:

[bronzee]

Lol, don't bring this one back next winter when you're all snowed in.