dcash5 Posted January 28, 2009 Share Posted January 28, 2009 Very very amusing http://blogs.creativeloafing.com/dailyl ... hing-ever/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maccaman Posted January 28, 2009 Share Posted January 28, 2009 I hate airline food so much I normally end up only eating the biscuit or Kit Kat, or something else that wont make me feel ill. Don't get me started on the coffee. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
martinmac Posted January 28, 2009 Share Posted January 28, 2009 Best airline food I ever had was flying to the Falklands with the RAF. Basic but very nice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stew Posted January 28, 2009 Share Posted January 28, 2009 That is ace. Been on so many flights where I couldn't eat the crap they served. Believe it or not the best in flight food Ive had was on Aeroflot. The airline with the worst flight record ever. I had some cracking food on their Moscow to Surgut flights. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maccaman Posted January 28, 2009 Share Posted January 28, 2009 Hey Stew did you ever have an experience like this? A rep who came to work for us a few years ago told us of the time he had to make an internal flight in Russia. He didn't want to but had no choice. All the women were wearing large fur coats, apparently it was freezing on the plane. When they sat down they were given plastic cups, which he couldn't figure at the time, that was until they took off. They had to get their own drinks from the back, that is mix the water with the diluted juice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stew Posted January 28, 2009 Share Posted January 28, 2009 No! My internal flights were mostly upper class as I was an expat. It was all serviced and really good. Champagne if you want it etc..... Even in economy it was ok. When it was cold the fur coats were a pain though! I had an odd flight in Algeria. It was an internal flight but the plane had no seatbelts and stuff.... I've had other wierd flights but can't think there they've been! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dcash5 Posted January 28, 2009 Author Share Posted January 28, 2009 According to multiple papers Mr Branson responded personally! http://www.metro.co.uk/news/article.htm ... page_id=34 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cara Posted January 28, 2009 Share Posted January 28, 2009 Love it Now that's how to write a complaint letter! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manc350z Posted January 28, 2009 Share Posted January 28, 2009 oh god, i'm laughing that much it hurts... It is just like being on any virgin africa flight.. awful.. truly awful. Worst flight i ever had was a scheduled BA dc-10 out of LH to Miami... about 15 years ago.. it had been configured with max seating so you had no legroom at all and the thinnest seats ever fitted to an aircraft... when i came to get off it felt like you had your spine broken just above the hip then got stabbed in the achiles tendons just to make doubly sure.. how we didn't all get dvt i don't know... and it was a fecking DC-10.. it was like flying air 50/50 ... i haven't flown BA since.. in fact i recently flew with sleasyjet to avoid BA.. how's that for sufference.... i'd rather swim and crawl than fly ba.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian Posted January 28, 2009 Share Posted January 28, 2009 :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
N1SM0350z Posted January 29, 2009 Share Posted January 29, 2009 :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
M13KYF Posted January 29, 2009 Share Posted January 29, 2009 saw this yesterday. Very good. Think this one is a belter to Genuine complaint to Leith Police station Dear Sir/madam Having spent the past twenty minutes waiting for someone at Leith police station to answer my telephone call I have decided to abandon the idea and try e-mailing you instead. Perhaps you would be so kind as to pass this message on to your colleagues in Leith by means of smoke signal, carrier pigeon or ouji board. As I'm writing this e-mail there are eleven failed medical experiments (I think you call them youths) in West Cromwell Street which is just off Commercial Street in Leith. Six of them seem happy enough to play a game which involves kicking a football against an iron gate with the force of a meteorite. This causes an earth shattering CLANG! which rings throughout the entire building. This game is now in it's third week and as I am unsure how the scoring system works, I have no idea if it will end any time soon. The remaining five walking abortions are happily rummaging through several bags of rubbish and items of furniture that someone has so thoughtfully dumped beside the wheelie bins. One of them has found a saw and is setting about a discarded chair like a beaver on speed. I fear that it's only a matter of time before they turn their limited attention to the bottle of calor gas that is lying on it's side between the two bins. If they could be relied on to only blow their own arms and legs off then I would happily leave them to it. I would even go so far as to lend them the matches. Unfortunately they are far more likely to blow up half the street with them and I've just finished decorating the kitchen. What I suggest is this. After replying to this e-mail with worthless assurances that the matter is being looked into and will be dealt with, why not leave it until the one night of the year (probably bath night) when there are no mutants around then drive up the street in a panda car before doing a three point turn and disappearing again. This will of course serve no other purpose than to remind us what policemen actually look like. I trust that when I take a claw hammer to the skull of one of these throwbacks you'll do me the same courtesy of giving me a four month head start before coming to arrest me. I remain sir, your obedient servant ????????? Mr ??????, I have read your e-mail and understand your frustration at the problems caused by youth playing in the area and the problems you have encountered in trying to contact the police. As the Community Beat Officer for your street I would like to extend an offer of discussing the matter fully with you. Should you wish to discuss the matter, please provide contact details (address / telephone number) and when may be suitable. Regards PC ??? ????????????? Community Beat Officer Dear PC ????? First of all I would like to thank you for the speedy response to my original e-mail. 16 hours and 38 minutes must be a personal record for Leith Police station and rest assured that I will forward these details to Norris McWhirter for inclusion in his next book. Secondly I was delighted to hear that our street has it's own community beat officer. May I be the first to congratulate you on your covert skills. In the five or so years I have lived in West Cromwell Street, I have never seen you. Do you hide up a tree or have you gone deep undercover and infiltrated the gang itself? Are you the one with the acne and the moustache on his forehead or the one with a chin like a wash hand basin? It's surely only a matter of time before you are headhunted by MI5. Whilst I realise that there may be far more serious crimes taking place in Leith such as smoking in a public place or being Muslim without due care and attention, is it too much to ask for a policeman to explain (using words of no more than two syllables at a time) to these tw"ts that they might want to play their strange football game elsewhere. The pitch behind the Citadel or the one at DKs are both within spitting distance as is the bottom of the Albert Dock. Should you wish to discuss these matters further you should feel free to contact me on ??? ????. If after 25 minutes I have still failed to answer, I'll buy you a large one in the Compass Bar. Regards ??????? P.S If you think that this is sarcasm, think yourself lucky that you don't work for the council. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nixy Posted January 29, 2009 Share Posted January 29, 2009 Hey Stew did you ever have an experience like this? A rep who came to work for us a few years ago told us of the time he had to make an internal flight in Russia. He didn't want to but had no choice. All the women were wearing large fur coats, apparently it was freezing on the plane. When they sat down they were given plastic cups, which he couldn't figure at the time, that was until they took off. They had to get their own drinks from the back, that is mix the water with the diluted juice. You think that's bad? I once flew to Turkey from Humberside with Onur Air. It was during a fuel shortage (2000?) and we had to fly to manchester first to refuel. They didn't bother giving the safety demo just to 'pop' to manchester, the turkish stewardesses handed round paper cups and poured water in from big bottles, the captain was just separated by a curtain and while it was being refuelled he was sat smoking in the cockpit! In fact unbelievably you could smoke in one half of the plane! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
N1SM0350z Posted January 29, 2009 Share Posted January 29, 2009 saw this yesterday. Very good. Think this one is a belter to Genuine complaint to Leith Police station Dear Sir/madam Having spent the past twenty minutes waiting for someone at Leith police station to answer my telephone call I have decided to abandon the idea and try e-mailing you instead. Perhaps you would be so kind as to pass this message on to your colleagues in Leith by means of smoke signal, carrier pigeon or ouji board. As I'm writing this e-mail there are eleven failed medical experiments (I think you call them youths) in West Cromwell Street which is just off Commercial Street in Leith. Six of them seem happy enough to play a game which involves kicking a football against an iron gate with the force of a meteorite. This causes an earth shattering CLANG! which rings throughout the entire building. This game is now in it's third week and as I am unsure how the scoring system works, I have no idea if it will end any time soon. The remaining five walking abortions are happily rummaging through several bags of rubbish and items of furniture that someone has so thoughtfully dumped beside the wheelie bins. One of them has found a saw and is setting about a discarded chair like a beaver on speed. I fear that it's only a matter of time before they turn their limited attention to the bottle of calor gas that is lying on it's side between the two bins. If they could be relied on to only blow their own arms and legs off then I would happily leave them to it. I would even go so far as to lend them the matches. Unfortunately they are far more likely to blow up half the street with them and I've just finished decorating the kitchen. What I suggest is this. After replying to this e-mail with worthless assurances that the matter is being looked into and will be dealt with, why not leave it until the one night of the year (probably bath night) when there are no mutants around then drive up the street in a panda car before doing a three point turn and disappearing again. This will of course serve no other purpose than to remind us what policemen actually look like. I trust that when I take a claw hammer to the skull of one of these throwbacks you'll do me the same courtesy of giving me a four month head start before coming to arrest me. I remain sir, your obedient servant ????????? Mr ??????, I have read your e-mail and understand your frustration at the problems caused by youth playing in the area and the problems you have encountered in trying to contact the police. As the Community Beat Officer for your street I would like to extend an offer of discussing the matter fully with you. Should you wish to discuss the matter, please provide contact details (address / telephone number) and when may be suitable. Regards PC ??? ????????????? Community Beat Officer Dear PC ????? First of all I would like to thank you for the speedy response to my original e-mail. 16 hours and 38 minutes must be a personal record for Leith Police station and rest assured that I will forward these details to Norris McWhirter for inclusion in his next book. Secondly I was delighted to hear that our street has it's own community beat officer. May I be the first to congratulate you on your covert skills. In the five or so years I have lived in West Cromwell Street, I have never seen you. Do you hide up a tree or have you gone deep undercover and infiltrated the gang itself? Are you the one with the acne and the moustache on his forehead or the one with a chin like a wash hand basin? It's surely only a matter of time before you are headhunted by MI5. Whilst I realise that there may be far more serious crimes taking place in Leith such as smoking in a public place or being Muslim without due care and attention, is it too much to ask for a policeman to explain (using words of no more than two syllables at a time) to these tw"ts that they might want to play their strange football game elsewhere. The pitch behind the Citadel or the one at DKs are both within spitting distance as is the bottom of the Albert Dock. Should you wish to discuss these matters further you should feel free to contact me on ??? ????. If after 25 minutes I have still failed to answer, I'll buy you a large one in the Compass Bar. Regards ??????? P.S If you think that this is sarcasm, think yourself lucky that you don't work for the council. I had to stop myself laughing out loud Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trev-the-Rev Posted January 29, 2009 Share Posted January 29, 2009 Hey Stew did you ever have an experience like this? A rep who came to work for us a few years ago told us of the time he had to make an internal flight in Russia. He didn't want to but had no choice. All the women were wearing large fur coats, apparently it was freezing on the plane. When they sat down they were given plastic cups, which he couldn't figure at the time, that was until they took off. They had to get their own drinks from the back, that is mix the water with the diluted juice. You think that's bad? I once flew to Turkey from Humberside with Onur Air. It was during a fuel shortage (2000?) and we had to fly to manchester first to refuel. They didn't bother giving the safety demo just to 'pop' to manchester, the turkish stewardesses handed round paper cups and poured water in from big bottles, the captain was just separated by a curtain and while it was being refuelled he was sat smoking in the cockpit! In fact unbelievably you could smoke in one half of the plane! Did they have outside toilets too Nic? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stew Posted January 29, 2009 Share Posted January 29, 2009 Hey Stew did you ever have an experience like this? A rep who came to work for us a few years ago told us of the time he had to make an internal flight in Russia. He didn't want to but had no choice. All the women were wearing large fur coats, apparently it was freezing on the plane. When they sat down they were given plastic cups, which he couldn't figure at the time, that was until they took off. They had to get their own drinks from the back, that is mix the water with the diluted juice. You think that's bad? I once flew to Turkey from Humberside with Onur Air. It was during a fuel shortage (2000?) and we had to fly to manchester first to refuel. They didn't bother giving the safety demo just to 'pop' to manchester, the turkish stewardesses handed round paper cups and poured water in from big bottles, the captain was just separated by a curtain and while it was being refuelled he was sat smoking in the cockpit! In fact unbelievably you could smoke in one half of the plane! I've been standing over oil wells in Russia with guys smoking and throwing the tabbies into the well...... Emmmm, have they ever heard or Red Adair? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stew Posted January 29, 2009 Share Posted January 29, 2009 Oh and flown in a 4 seat chopper over half of siberia where the pilots were smoking including when they were refueling. We then stopped to pick up two of his mates who were fishing.... the chopper wouldn't lift as it was overloaded. So he drove halfway accross a field to work up momentum to lift..... It was the scariest flight of my life! That includes the one when there were nop seats and I just propped myself up against the internal jet fuel tank! I have pics of that somewhere on my PC actually! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maccaman Posted January 29, 2009 Share Posted January 29, 2009 O.K Stew, you win. Love that letter to Leith Police it really appeals to my sense of humour. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stew Posted January 29, 2009 Share Posted January 29, 2009 Normally my flights on planes have been good. Been arrested a couple of times at airports but the flights have been good! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maccaman Posted January 29, 2009 Share Posted January 29, 2009 Normally my flights on planes have been good. Been arrested a couple of times at airports but the flights have been good! Come on you've got to tell us more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stew Posted January 29, 2009 Share Posted January 29, 2009 You ever read the book 'Don't tell Mum I work on the Rigs, she thinks I'm a piano player in a whorehose? It's kind of a more entertaining and (I think slightly truth stretching) version of the last 6 years of my life! Anyway, the funniest one was when I get arrested in Moscow trying to fly to Usinsk in the Arctic. I was dropped off at the airport by the driver early. Went for a couple of bottles of Baltika. I got in line when I got approached by two armed police. They asked to check my passport. I obliged. They did the whole tut tut shaky head thing and alarm bells started to ring..... My passport had a problem. The Visa stamps were 'No good' I believe that was all the guys could say in English. I followed them to the station. I was sat down in a cell for a 10 mins. The 'chief' came out. Spoke no English...... I asked (in russian) for them to call my office in Taganskaya Moscow and speak to the travel administrator. This fell on deaf ears. Back in the cell. Called the chief over and asked him (again in Russian) how much he wanted to let me go. If in doubt bribe your way out was my moto! So he sits me down outside the cell and points his big automatic weapon at me. And writes $100 on it. I say no and write $50 on it..... In hindsight I think when you bribe the police you maybe shouldn't barter with them. He stands up picks up his gun and gestures to the cells. I stood up took a $100 bill out my pocket and walked out after saying 'nice to do business with you' in russian however I think I actually said 'nice to job with you... kind of killed the cool moment really! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.