2 jokes

[Trev-the-Rev]

1.

Harold is 82 and having some prostate problems. After examining him, the doctor gives him a specimen jar and says; Take this home with you, and try to produce a semen specimen. Stop by tomorrow and drop it off so I can run a few tests.

 

Harold takes the jar and heads home. The next day Harold comes in and asks to speak with the doctor. When he is taken into the office, the doctor asks how he made out. Not good, Doc. Says Harold. I went home and tried to do what you said. I tried with my right hand 'til it was cramped from the arthritis ... no luck. I tried with my left hand, until I had blisters ... no luck. I asked my wife to help me out, so she tried with her left hand and with her right hand ... no luck. She even tried with her mouth. She tried with her teeth in, and she tried with her teeth out ... no luck. Then we called Edna, next door, to see if she could help...

 

Good Grief man! exclaimed the doctor, You asked your neighbor to help you?

 

Yep. says Harold, None of us could get the lid off that jar!

 

 

 

2.

A couple were invited to a swanky family masked, fancy dress Haloween party.

 

The wife got a terrible headache! She told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went.

 

The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, woke without pain and as it was still early, decided to go to the party. As her husband didn't know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him. So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband in his costume, cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice "chick" he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.

 

His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her. She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband. After more drinks he finally whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed. So off they went to one of the cars and had passionate intercourse in the backseat.

 

Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home; put the costume away and sat up reading when he came in.

 

She asked what kind of time he had.

"Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there." Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"

He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced once. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the spare room and played poker all evening."

"You must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing poker all night!" she said with unashamed sarcasm.

 

To which the husband replied, "Actually, I gave my costume to your Dad, apparently he had the time of his life!"

[Maccaman]

Errrh that 2nd one.

[Stew]

:lol: