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May put a smile on our face


Maccaman

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A farmer in Devon has made history by growing a field of dildos! Unfortunately he's had a lot of trouble with squatters!

 

85% of Liverpudlian males say they enjoy sex in the shower........ The other 15% haven't been to prison yet

 

I'm really p*ssed off! Someone's just crashed into my car in one of them new Skodas. There's f.......g jam and sponge everywhere!

 

Bastards! Just been thrown out & barred from the local swimming baths because I had my Speedo trunks on! What I didn't know was the 'S' had come off the logo!!

 

Just bought a racehorse called 'My Face', It may not be any good but I can't wait to hear all the women in the crowd screaming 'come on .. .My face

 

I've just been 2 my first Muslim birthday party! Musical chairs was a bit slow but f*ck me pass the parcel was fast!

 

2 Irish couples decide to swap partners. Afterwards Paddy said to Murphy that's the best f*ck I've ever had, I wonder how the girls got on ?

 

If mothers Celebrate mothers day, fathers celebrate fathers day, lovers celebrate valentines day, do ******* celebrate palm sunday?

 

Paddy weighs 20st, so his doctor puts him on a diet. 'I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day and repeat this for 2 weeks, you should loose 5lbs.' When Paddy returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost 4st. 'That?s amazing the doc said'...Paddy nodded...'I'll tell you be Jesus, I taut I was gonna drop dead by da 3rd day.' 'What from hunger said the doc?'...'No from the f........g skipping!'

 

Just popped home, caught the plumber with his d*ck in the dog! Can't believe the police won't do anything! They said the b*stard was corgi registered

 

Are you available to come to a charity pancake competition on Shrove Tuesday? The organisers have the pans and the ingredients they just need a tosser.

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