Airline "gripe sheets".

[jim]

Apologies if this is a repost, but I quite enjoyed some of these.

 

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a

high school diploma to fix one. After every flight, UPS pilots fill

out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about

problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems,

document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe

sheets before the next flight.

 

Never let it be said that ground crews, though they may lack a

formal higher education, have ever lacked a sense of humour. Here are

some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked

with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance

engineers.

 

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever,

had an accident.

 

P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

*

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Probably because auto-land is not installed on this aircraft.

*

P: Something loose in cockpit

S: Something tightened in cockpit

*

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.

*

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode has a 200 ft. per min. descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

*

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

*

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

*

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what friction locks are for.

*

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

S: IFF IS inoperative in OFF mode.

*

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.

*

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

*

PS: Aircraft acting funny

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

*

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

*

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

*

And the best one for last

*

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like midget

pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget.

[Chris`I]

Quality

[Ian]

[GIXXERUK]

[H5]

Brilliant!

[martinmac]

:lol: nice one.