Ian Posted May 21, 2008 Share Posted May 21, 2008 The International Council of Man Laws. 1. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella. 2. It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances: (a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master. ( The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse. © After wrecking your boss's car. (d) When she is using her teeth. 3. Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his friends. 4. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her. 5. Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable. 6. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice. 7. In the mini-bus, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest. 8. When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing. 9. You may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment (commonly known as a Dutch oven), she's officially your girlfriend. 10. It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free. 11. Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts. 12. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked. 13. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed. 14. If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything. 15. Women who claim they 'love to watch sports' must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers. 16. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight. 17. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy. 18. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary. 19. The morning after you and a girl who was formerly 'just a friend' have carnal, drunken monkey sex. The fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was. 20. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours. 21. Thou shall not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime, green, yellow, orange or sky blue. 22. The girl who replies to the question 'What do you want for Christmas?' with 'If you loved me, you'd know what I want!' gets an Xbox 360 or a Playstation- End of story. 23. There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever. 24. Never wear a man bag to work. 25. We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below: 'GUTS' is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, 'are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?' 'BALLS' is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife square on the ass and having the balls to say, 'You're next fatty!' I hope this clears up any confusion, The International Council of Man Laws Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Digsy Posted May 21, 2008 Share Posted May 21, 2008 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lomoto Posted May 21, 2008 Share Posted May 21, 2008 No. 20 .. should be taken as Gospel Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trev-the-Rev Posted May 21, 2008 Share Posted May 21, 2008 Love no 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jim Posted May 21, 2008 Share Posted May 21, 2008 There's a few on here who have fallen foul of No. 21. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sarnie Posted May 21, 2008 Share Posted May 21, 2008 There's a few on here who have fallen foul of No. 21. I have, twice Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zedrush Posted May 22, 2008 Share Posted May 22, 2008 love the last one Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tmJak Posted May 22, 2008 Share Posted May 22, 2008 Top post, think I'll put it on the wall of the office Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stanski Posted May 22, 2008 Share Posted May 22, 2008 Should be included on the next 350Z forum calendar I think! I am sure the Zed girls will have their version of this! You hav'nt included the international Urinal rules .... (No ref to George Michael here btw ) ie. what to do in the event of visiting a public loo with blokes already there? whats the algorithm for which urinal you choose? Is it the stand in between the 2 blokes who are furthest apart scenario? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tmJak Posted May 22, 2008 Share Posted May 22, 2008 You hav'nt included the international Urinal rules .... (No ref to George Michael here btw ) ie. what to do in the event of visiting a public loo with blokes already there? whats the algorithm for which urinal you choose? Is it the stand in between the 2 blokes who are furthest apart scenario? Funny you should mention it Stan, there's an online training package here http://www.addictinggames.com/theurinalgame.html Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sl114 Posted May 22, 2008 Share Posted May 22, 2008 Love it, looks like my new ten (ok a bit more) commandments Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stuey Posted May 22, 2008 Share Posted May 22, 2008 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stanski Posted May 22, 2008 Share Posted May 22, 2008 Funny you should mention it Stan, there's an online training package here Oh Chris so they teach you how to Pee....I think its a bit late for me - obvisouly been doing it wrong all these years! (Naa that link is cool) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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