Stew Posted May 14, 2008 Share Posted May 14, 2008 A Wee Scottish Tale. A man is cupping his hand to scoop water from a Highland burn. A Gamekeeper shouts, 'Dinnae drink thon waater! It's foo ae coo's keech an' pish!' The man replies, 'My Good fellow, I'm English. Could you repeat that in English for me.' The keeper replies, 'I said, use two hands - you spill less that way!!! Sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lomoto Posted May 14, 2008 Share Posted May 14, 2008 A Scotsman wanted to impress his girlfriend so he took her for a ride in a taxi. The trouble was, she was so beautiful he could hardly keep his eyes on the meter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lomoto Posted May 14, 2008 Share Posted May 14, 2008 A Scotsman went on a week's holiday to England. He took a clean shirt and a five pound note with him. When he arrived home he hadn't changed either of them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lomoto Posted May 14, 2008 Share Posted May 14, 2008 What's the difference between a Scotsman and a canoe? A canoe sometimes tips. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trev-the-Rev Posted May 14, 2008 Share Posted May 14, 2008 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
martinmac Posted May 14, 2008 Share Posted May 14, 2008 Scottish cure for seasickness, lean over the side with a penny between your teeth. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stew Posted May 14, 2008 Author Share Posted May 14, 2008 Ha ha! Come on, there have to be more than that! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
martinmac Posted May 14, 2008 Share Posted May 14, 2008 How do you disperse an angry Scottish mob? Nae bother - just take up a collection. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
martinmac Posted May 14, 2008 Share Posted May 14, 2008 Then there were two Scots who bet a pound on who could stay under water the longest. They’ both drowned Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stew Posted May 14, 2008 Author Share Posted May 14, 2008 Ok thats enough....... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
martinmac Posted May 14, 2008 Share Posted May 14, 2008 Ok thats enough....... Three years in Aberdeen and 12 years in Edinburgh, played this game so many time Stew I also know pretty much every English joke too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stew Posted May 14, 2008 Author Share Posted May 14, 2008 I have played it once or twice too......... Always entertaining! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
martinmac Posted May 14, 2008 Share Posted May 14, 2008 I have played it once or twice too......... Always entertaining! September, I'll bring the juice Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tmJak Posted May 14, 2008 Share Posted May 14, 2008 More more, I need to insult Rene Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sarnie Posted May 15, 2008 Share Posted May 15, 2008 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zedrush Posted May 15, 2008 Share Posted May 15, 2008 class thread Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zummertor Posted May 18, 2008 Share Posted May 18, 2008 Brilliant Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stew Posted May 18, 2008 Author Share Posted May 18, 2008 I read one in a crappy weekly Nuts Zoo thin gy that was left in the office.... What does a Scotsman do after he's bought a round of drinks? Wake up Screaming..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sl114 Posted May 19, 2008 Share Posted May 19, 2008 Love it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Millzzz Posted April 15, 2009 Share Posted April 15, 2009 What about . . . . PURPLE BURGLER ALARM!!! Or even Better . . . THE DIRTY PURPLE TURTLE, HURTLED ROUND THE SKIRTING BOARDS Try to get a Scotsman to say either of these, bloomin' hilarious!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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