ATTAK Z Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 The dump ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ekona Posted March 22, 2017 Author Share Posted March 22, 2017 I have. Although it feels like it done me. How much description are people comfortable with? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ioneabee Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 very little :wacko: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ioneabee Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 unless I've won the competition Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ioneabee Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 and getting ready with the ban button .... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ATTAK Z Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 On 22/03/2017 at 21:41, Ekona said: How much description are people comfortable with? Full analysis please Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoogyRev Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 oh wait . . thats just wrong isn't it 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LRF4N Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 Did it touch the water before parting with you? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoogyRev Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 On 22/03/2017 at 21:46, LRF4N said: Did it touch the water before parting with you? I think it got all the way to the sewer Irfan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stutopia Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 I hope you've notified the coast guard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoogyRev Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 On 22/03/2017 at 21:58, SuperStu said: I hope you've notified the coast guard. After todays events at Westminster there could be an alert for a Submarine off the east coast . . oh wait, its just a massive Dan Poop Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoogyRev Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 we all might be all wrong and it was a ball baring size missile that exited at mach 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoogyRev Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 Dan!! are you ok? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ekona Posted March 22, 2017 Author Share Posted March 22, 2017 Okay, so let's do this. Analysis first, then the winning info. Click at your own risk, but there's no pics. Reveal hidden contents It started with the urge to go, but a gentle urge. I took my phone for reading material as I knew I'd be there a while, opened the door so I could see the TV, then dropped kecks and settled on the throne. A few tender squeezes to get an idea of the upcoming battle, and I knew we were here for the duration. Cry havoc, and let slip the dogs of war! Oh man, it wasn't good. It got to the ring, poked a teasing nipple out, then stopped dead. No amount of pushing would get it. I sat like that for 30 mins before taking drastic measures. You see, I'd already spotted a box of rubber gloves handy... On goes one (thank fook the cannula is in my left hand!), and I reach down and under. I start to slip a finger in, to break off a nugget, and discover to my horror it's not one lump: It's hundreds! Imagine a cluster of nuggets tightly packed together. Committed, I start the slow and VERY uncomfortable process of pushing whilst rummaging around, trying to break off a bit at a time. I managed to shift approx 30% this way, over another 30 mins, until I can reach no more. I decide to take a break, and radio for back up. Nurse comes in and pops two suppositories up there, and tells me to hold them in for half hour for best results. I lay on the bed, pop the footy on, and promptly fall asleep. With a start, I wake up. Some has cut red wire, or set the detonator too early. Gentlemen, the nuclear option is happening, and it's been 50 mins since the suppositories went in! CLEAR THE AREA ASAP! It's an emergency dash, it's a throwing of the pants, it's a whipping to one side of the gown. I have no time to register the cold seat, I simply release. An initial burning sensation comes, then some liquid, then it stops. I check the pan, no way am I empty after that little bit. Then Part Two kicks in, with a vengeance. I re-seat, and the burning starts again. I feel the need to push, I push, I push, I push, I OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT?! The ring piece relinquishes it's tight hold, and I empty the remains of my bowel. It's over. I glove up again and check the pan for what I've left behind. It's not even measurable as a poo, or any recogniseable masd. Imagine a bundle of giant spider eggs with the consistency of solid toffee. There are no winners here, not me and not the Mass. The sweat is dripping from my brow with the strain. Time of birth was approx 2115 this evening. So who won? I've genuinely not checked! I'm absolutely exhausted though. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoogyRev Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 Well I never thought I would be so pleased that someone has pooped . . we are all rooting for you Dan!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ATTAK Z Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 (edited) Better write up than the 458 ... many thanks Dan PS Love the Julius Caesar quote and to add to it ... Domestic fury and fierce civil strife shall cumber all the parts of Italy and mothers shall but weep when they behold their infants quartered by the hands of war lol Edited March 22, 2017 by ATTAK Z 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ioneabee Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 blimey, what a relief ................and I don't mean for you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ATTAK Z Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 (edited) I've heard on the grape vine that said turd resembled a baby's arm Edited March 22, 2017 by ATTAK Z Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ekona Posted March 22, 2017 Author Share Posted March 22, 2017 If I had to guess, I'd say closer to the size of a pint pot. Horrendous. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ATTAK Z Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 aaaannnnnnddddddd sleep Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andybp Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 I genuinely laughed till i cried thanks Dan 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ATTAK Z Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 On 22/03/2017 at 23:02, andybp said: I genuinely laughed till i cried thanks Dan so did he by all accounts Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keyser Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 I stangley feel that congratulations are in order Hope that feels better Dan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ekona Posted March 23, 2017 Author Share Posted March 23, 2017 Following that, the worst night I've had so far. Freezing cold under a sheet, then roasting hot under a duvet, drenched in sweat since midnight so massively uncomfortable (so clammy my fingers are wrinkled this morning!), loads of wind but I can't trust a fart, and just a fair amount of stomach pain. Starting to wonder if it's morphine withdrawal? Will have to search that. I just want to go home now. Glad someone enjoyed the horror show of last night though Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stutopia Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 On 23/03/2017 at 06:47, Ekona said: Starting to wonder if it's morphine withdrawal? Choose a hospital. Choose a jobby. Choose a nurse with a sexy ass. Choose morphine. Choose a bloody big beef bugger, choose rectal suppositories, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers. Choose Michelin Rubber. Choose your friends. Choose leisurewear and matching luggage. Choose freaking out on a Spanish mountain pass and wondering where the devil you might be on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing Grand Tour, stuffing junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, going slowly mad and more ranty, nothing more than a mild irritation to your fellow members on 350z-uk.com Choose your future. Choose Porsche. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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