nowhereboy Posted February 16, 2017 Author Share Posted February 16, 2017 Thanks everyone. @TT350 It's been a confusing mess for ages, the last time we split I didn't hear from her for a couple weeks, she was serious enough to sell her car and downsize, took her keys back off me and moved all my stuff out her house, she told me then she didn't feel the same anymore etc. A week later I got a text out the blue saying everything was a mess, she was completely heartbroken and her son wouldn't stop crying etc. We ended up getting back together, I moved back in but her dad was in a bad accident at work and nearly died, she got depressed and lost her Job. I supported her through all of it, we had a great xmas, lush night out on new year and then out of the blue I got the "it's not working out" text (yes she ended it by text). The way she held me when I moved back in last time was like she never wanted to let me go but then within days she built her walls back up again and stopped letting me close to her. I like to think it's more complicated then she doesn't care anymore but maybe I'm in denial. I guess it's all irrelevant now anyway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TT350 Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 Why are your feelings any less important than hers? All I'm seeing it this relationship is immaturity and selfishness on her part. You're giving and she's taking. Are there reasons that you're emotionally responsible for her? It's like you list all the bad things about her then excuse it with a but. But she held me like she never wanted to let me go. I've seen it many times with girls like that. It ends up the guy is an emotional crutch for the girl and he takes on the kid because she can't manage and it does always end the same. The guy gives his all and she turfs him our when used. I may sound harsh but it's because it's glaringly obvious to bystanders but you can't see the wood for the trees when you're in the middle of it. I know. Like I said...the question is, why is her life and her feelings more important than yours? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Olly350z Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 (edited) I have to agree with everything ive read so far, so many hammers and nail heads here. If I may echo what others have said, as hard as it is no contact is the way forward. I will freely admit after breaking up with the EX i hankered after her and to see the two kids for a good year, and still do every now and then. There was a comment here about how it effects you, and honestly I feel like my soul has been dragged through a catcus lemon juice filled pond. I cant go into all the details of it because frankly its too long, and there are some bits id rather not repeat. You've given it your best, and dont forget that. Its not your fault whats happened. Give yourself a pat on the back and remember that. As cliche as it is, it'll all happen at thr right time when you least expect it. Chin up! Edited February 16, 2017 by Olly350z Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TT350 Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 Agree with above. Lingering around will have you selling your soul. It is THE worst thing to do post breakup. There's no shame in wanting so badly to revert to the good old days. The stuff I'm telling you now, I only learned 9 months ago. So I'm in the perfect position to give advice on what NOT to do. Because I recently did it myself. No contact is very hard. And there will be a realisation sooner or later that "I feel sh1t every time I see or speak to this girl" and you'll go no contact. Then you'll begin to heal. Just try and speed up the process if you can. Oh and don't Google stuff like "how to get my ex back" or "will my ex ever come back to me?" Or "signs your ex still wants you" I did those things. It only makes you feel worse. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Olly350z Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 Unfortunately she sounds a little like my ex, who even now some two years on will still give me hints that shes floating around. An odd stalk, a like or poke. Just enough that its like a bolt of lightening every time. And im being deadly honest, its not healthy dude. Its made me sinical, sarcastic and generally difficult to be around. My patience for fellow human beings is at an all time low and the worst bit, I know im doing it. Find something you like doing. As silly as it sounds, I wack the headphones in, stick the music on and play that pokemon game. Before I know it ive walked 15 kilometres. Treat yourself, some nice Z modifications, good wash and wax. Ultimately, without being harsh because I did the same, you've put up with the pissing around and breakups, you've wasted valuable time and energy on someone who doesnt appreciate it. You're the better person, and better off 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nowhereboy Posted February 17, 2017 Author Share Posted February 17, 2017 Thanks lads. I think it's hard not to self blame in these situations but I know she wasn't treating me right in the end, I've been swore at, called names, locked out of the house etc. There was a few times when I stopped and thought what the hell am I doing letting someone talk to me like that. I would tell her she's upsetting me and she would outright say "I don't care, if you don't like it leave". I always blamed myself for her behavior getting to this point and kept feeling like if I can just do X Y Z to make her happy again she will start to treat me with love and respect, I would always end up inadvertently doing something that upset her and we'd go back to square one. I guess this is what happens when a relationship is dragged out past it's expiry date, I've spoke to many blokes who have been in the same situation. I've made mistakes in the relationship but there's no denying I loved her and tried to make her happy. Anyway, day two of no contact now and I'm getting by, I expected to be completely broken but I'm not. I'm not sure if the reality of it all just hasn't hit me yet or if maybe I'm already hardened because it's not the first time this has happened. Gonna wash the focus ST this weekend and get some stuff to sort out the room at my dads gaff that I'm currently living in. I've always wanted to open a practice/recording studio and that would have been impossible while I was with her, I've found a unit that seems perfect for it so I'm going to make a few calls about that this weekend and draft up a business plan. I'm lucky because my mam is being very supportive and is possibly going to give me the money to get it off the ground, so long as she's happy with the plan and believes it can work. Going to pursue this for the time being and try to let go of my thoughts for the ex. Regardless of everything I do still love her, care for her deeply and I wish her all the best, I know at some point we need to talk as I still have her house key and a loan in my name for her but I'm giving myself a full month of no contact to clear my head first. This forum has been really helpful and i really appreciate all the kind words 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nowhereboy Posted February 22, 2017 Author Share Posted February 22, 2017 7 Days no contact and counting. This is rough guys, I'm struggling. Missed her like crazy the last couple of days Seems like the reality of it all is kicking in now, I'm constantly wondering how she's doing, is she fine? Is she happy? Does she miss me? (I know I need to focus on me now, easier said then done sometimes). Ruined my day yesterday by going through old messages and pictures of us, completely pointless thing to do and made me feel 10x worse. Just got the internet back in at my dads gaff so I plan on moving all my photos to a backup somewhere and deleting them off my phone. I haven't mentioned it on here yet but my Dad is also very unwell, he is at end stage kidney failure and needs to go on dialysis soon. I've been helping him tidy his house up and get things prepared for the dialysis machine that will be coming next month. I'm trying to stay strong for him but I'm struggling to keep my sh*t together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ekona Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 Oh mate, I'm so sorry to hear about your Dad, that really sucks If it's any consolation, you're not doing anything different to what every other person in the world does when a relationship breaks down. I did it, others on here will have done it too. It does get better, it just takes time. You cannot rush things or make feelings go away, all you can do is focus on the end goal of your own happiness and remember that any contact with her is going to set you back from that. Keeping in that in mind *will* help you stay strong, I promise. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ebized Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 7 Days no contact and counting. This is rough guys, I'm struggling. Missed her like crazy the last couple of days Seems like the reality of it all is kicking in now, I'm constantly wondering how she's doing, is she fine? Is she happy? Does she miss me? (I know I need to focus on me now, easier said then done sometimes). Ruined my day yesterday by going through old messages and pictures of us, completely pointless thing to do and made me feel 10x worse. Just got the internet back in at my dads gaff so I plan on moving all my photos to a backup somewhere and deleting them off my phone. I haven't mentioned it on here yet but my Dad is also very unwell, he is at end stage kidney failure and needs to go on dialysis soon. I've been helping him tidy his house up and get things prepared for the dialysis machine that will be coming next month. I'm trying to stay strong for him but I'm struggling to keep my sh*t together. Feel for you, but in some ways the fact your Dad is needing more help may just help to take your mind off a relationship that from everything you have said sounds it is beyond repair...unlike your Dad hopefully. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-G- Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 First response to this question nailed it. Mates mum had a spate of men in her life when she was younger (by golly she was hot back int day) and my mate has nothing but good things to say about them all, despite her stringing them all along as beautiful women can/do. The real issue here is about you though, mate. You need to get over this relationship because while you still have contact with your ex, that isn't happening, ever. Take it from someone who knows, if you genuinely want her back the process is exactly the same for moving on, which is that you have to completely get over her first. Yes, that means no contact, it means seeing other people and definitely means making yourself happy without her in the equation, including seeing the young lad I know all this is easier said than done, but trust me, this method is like ripping off a plaster in comparison to being eaten up slowly from the inside. Good luck with whatever you end up doing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angrybiker Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 The hardest bit is that in a couple of weeks when she realises that you're not chasing her, she's gonna contact you again asking to give it another go... You'll be tempted but Just remember that although things might be better for a week or 2, ultimately she'll start treating you like garbage again. You're better off shot of her. Sent from my SM-G928F using Tapatalk 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Olly350z Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 100% what angrybiker has said. A week, a month, 6 or a year. She'll come back. They say lightening never strikes twice but thats not true in the case of woman, and honestly as homo as this sounds (we're all friends here, honestly I have more car forum mates then real) but I just want to buy you a beer man. Unfortunately she sounds like the absolute double of my ex who even to this day, will go months without talking and ill just get a little reminder that shes there. Its all a game as much as they profess it isnt. Woman like that dont change there spots bud. You know the saying about leopards. Sitting there over analysing it all and looking through pictures etc is self destructive, but we've all done it. You're not a lap dog, you have feelings and emotions and you do not deserve to be treated like a toy that she puts down and picks up whenever convenience suits her. I can promise you for a fact she'll be keeping tabs on you, and the moment you show progress she'll click her heels and expect you to come running. Dont be that guy anymore Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TT350 Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 I must be really sh1te then because in 9 months my ex hasn't contacted me once lol. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Commander Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 I must be really sh1te then because in 9 months my ex hasn't contacted me once lol. Not shite, lucky! Some of my ex's over the years tried crawling back and I fell for it more than once. Always ended in disaster and with me feeling worse. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nowhereboy Posted February 23, 2017 Author Share Posted February 23, 2017 I can't see her coming back. Prior to all this she was saying for best part of a year she doesn't think we are right for each other and that while we both love each other maybe we should just admit we don't work etc. I have never agreed with this, I just felt a little give and take was needed on both sides. I think she's tried to muster the strength to do this a few times now and this time she's just cut off all emotions and moved on, probably feeling relived that it's finally over. I'd like to think she misses me a little and is thinking of me but it doesn't change anything at the end of the day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rabbitstew Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 I must be really sh1te then because in 9 months my ex hasn't contacted me once lol. Not shite, lucky Some of my ex's over the years tried crawling back and I fell for it more than once. Always ended in disaster and with me feeling worse. I think it depends on who dumped who. Sometimes when you dump a woman like the sort we are talking about here, it gets their back up a bit as they like to feel like they were the one in charge and they were the one who finished it. I remember the psycho ex single mum I mentioned earlier, when I finally dumped her she used to call me up offering me all sorts of filthy bedroom activities if I popped over to see her. I resisted quite well to be fair, then one day when I thought enough time had passed I agreed to go and service her car for her as a favour. I turned up with my spanners in my hand and she answered the door wearing saucy red stockings/suspenders/ the works. Needless to say I ended up servicing her rather than the car that day. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nowhereboy Posted February 27, 2017 Author Share Posted February 27, 2017 Well it's now 12 days of no contact, I was hoping by this point I'd have given up hope and accepted things but I haven't. We still have to talk about money and I still have her key etc, I told her if I don't hear from her within a month I'll make contact to discuss these things. Not sure If I should just make contact now to get it out of the way, I feel like having this conversation pending is just keeping me in denial about things and stopping me from moving forward, I keep thinking maybe she will have missed me and ask for me to come back. Crazy I know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jay84 Posted February 27, 2017 Share Posted February 27, 2017 Not that crazy, it may help give closure knowing is still looming to be discussed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jetpilot Posted February 27, 2017 Share Posted February 27, 2017 Well it's now 12 days of no contact, I was hoping by this point I'd have given up hope and accepted things but I haven't. We still have to talk about money and I still have her key etc, I told her if I don't hear from her within a month I'll make contact to discuss these things. Not sure If I should just make contact now to get it out of the way, I feel like having this conversation pending is just keeping me in denial about things and stopping me from moving forward No need to talk, do it via email or text and put the key through the letter box and do it sooner rather than later. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beavis Posted February 27, 2017 Share Posted February 27, 2017 Well it's now 12 days of no contact, I was hoping by this point I'd have given up hope and accepted things but I haven't. We still have to talk about money and I still have her key etc, I told her if I don't hear from her within a month I'll make contact to discuss these things. Not sure If I should just make contact now to get it out of the way, I feel like having this conversation pending is just keeping me in denial about things and stopping me from moving forward, I keep thinking maybe she will have missed me and ask for me to come back. Crazy I know. 12 days is nothing....google the no contact rule and bide by the rules. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Olly350z Posted February 27, 2017 Share Posted February 27, 2017 Dude... 12 days is a drop in the ocean... Like do not be sitting there clockwatching. Just get on with it, you dont need to be making ultimatums. Leave her to do her thing, you do yours. Trust us on this. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grahamc Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 (edited) Get the discussion over with and move on.... and as said above, email or text message, at least then you also have proof of what was discussed, when, etc Edited February 28, 2017 by grahamc 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nissanman312 Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 (edited) I went back and forth for a good while in this situation with a women who had children about 6/7 years ago I screwed my brain over her for months but all the time keept getting myself out with friends meeting new people untill one day ... she text me out of the blue and I found myself not even entertaining a reply Infact Deleted her messages and never looked back. Just give your self time! get out live your life Give it long enough you will look back and wonder how you was so botherd about it Edited February 28, 2017 by nissanman312 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ekona Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 To clarify, are you paying for the loan in your name still, or is she paying that directly? If you're paying then you need to speak to her ASAP and get that loan paid back, or an agreement to pay you X amount per month that covers it for the duration. If she's paying it then it becomes a little less urgent, until the point she realises she can screw you by not paying it... Anything else at this point is irrelevant, the relationship is as dead as a Liverpool title challenge so it's just making sure you're not paying for her lifestyle still! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nowhereboy Posted February 28, 2017 Author Share Posted February 28, 2017 I agreed to pay it up until she gets her first wage from her new job which will be at the end of next month. I know she doesn't have much money right now and I wanted to do my bit to help support her and her son through this even tho it was her choice to end things. I can afford it no problem and I know she can't right now, plus if she doesn't have the money she doesn't have it, not much I can do about that anyway. I'm feeling stronger today, keeping myself busy working out and spending time with the band. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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