BobbyZ Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 TT350, the best advice I can give you is to forget other people's opinions and focus on making your life as good as it can be. Focussing on perceived injustices is not productive and leads to the very mindset that you're complaining about. Until you're genuinely held back by society rather than your own insecurities, the only way forward is to look for ways to better yourself. Looking to other people or society as a whole to justify your existence is a dead end 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TT350 Posted March 29, 2017 Share Posted March 29, 2017 How are you doing nowhereboy? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nowhereboy Posted March 30, 2017 Author Share Posted March 30, 2017 Much better than I was dude. Have good days and bad days to be honest but thankfully I'm past the point of spending all day obsessing over everything etc. I can live my life for myself now, I've been promoting the band, arranging/playing gig's and taking on more at work etc. I've also mastered a few guitar techniques that I've been wanting to learn for ages but never had the time. I'm starting to realize how stressed out I was living with my ex, constantly walking on eggshells and worrying about the relationship. So many times I've slept on the couch, or been locked out and had to spend the full day at work not knowing if I would even be let in the house when I got back etc, that's just no way to live. I'm starting to realize and believe that I never deserved any of that, I'm not perfect but I'm a good man, I was doing my best to fix things while she was creating drama, gas lighting, stonewalling etc. I accepted all the blame she put on me for it but looking back it's obvious her feelings had changed and she was just taking it out on me for whatever reason. I still have days where I miss her but I'm starting to try and develop a f*ck it, attitude. So yea, I'm up and down fella, thankfully I have a good support network and lot's of things to do that I couldn't do while I was with her. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grahamc Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 Much better than I was dude. Have good days and bad days to be honest but thankfully I'm past the point of spending all day obsessing over everything etc. I can live my life for myself now, I've been promoting the band, arranging/playing gig's and taking on more at work etc. I've also mastered a few guitar techniques that I've been wanting to learn for ages but never had the time. I'm starting to realize how stressed out I was living with my ex, constantly walking on eggshells and worrying about the relationship. So many times I've slept on the couch, or been locked out and had to spend the full day at work not knowing if I would even be let in the house when I got back etc, that's just no way to live. I'm starting to realize and believe that I never deserved any of that, I'm not perfect but I'm a good man, I was doing my best to fix things while she was creating drama, gas lighting, stonewalling etc. I accepted all the blame she put on me for it but looking back it's obvious her feelings had changed and she was just taking it out on me for whatever reason. I still have days where I miss her but I'm starting to try and develop a f*ck it, attitude. So yea, I'm up and down fella, thankfully I have a good support network and lot's of things to do that I couldn't do while I was with her. Its amazing how much you will change over the next few months when you realise this more and more! My friends and work colleagues have all commented on different I am now! And yes, for the better Now seeing a lovely French lady that does not stop making me laugh! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sipar69 Posted April 1, 2017 Share Posted April 1, 2017 In 48 years of life I've known a fair few people go through break ups (me included). I've never encountered anyone who doesn't get over it after a while. Big cliche, but it's true that time heals. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TT350 Posted June 5, 2017 Share Posted June 5, 2017 How you getting on NB? Further on I hope and definitely not stuck in a rut over her. It might still take a whil, I know. But it'll happen. With me, it clicked the other day. I got an email from her asking if I wanted to go to the cinema. I hadn't heard from her in 4 months maybe. I got my inheritance money in May. It dropped that I'd mentioned it to her, saying I'd put it into the new house we'd moved to. She did invest a bit of money in my house and other bits and pieces which I agreed to pay over time because I'm a fair person. When I confirmed I'd recieved my inheritance she wanted to know how much and that I should give it to her, as well as sell my Z and give that money to her, too as well as cash I earn in the future. I'm a bloody student! Apart from my Z I'm not splashing on anything. This is my future I'm securing. Anyway, I've had a couple of months of a serious illness which I haven't mentioned on here but she knows about it and I was actually in tears in her front room the other week talking about it and half of it was that and half was me pining for her after seeing her again. Not a single word of compassion. No arm around me. No hug. Nothing. And magically I felt so, so, so, sooooooo much better a day or two later. I've literally just felt revitalised like a thirsty wilting flower that's just got water and nutrients. I feel released in every way. I know and hope that you'll feel this soon mate if you haven't already. My life started again. I look forward to the future. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grahamc Posted June 5, 2017 Share Posted June 5, 2017 Yeah, update onb your situation please So, my breakup, as stressful as it was, is one of the best decisions of my life. The lovely new french lady is just amazing, she is moving in shortly and we are planning on going travelling at the end of the year....... starting with Japan - so if anyone wants cars or car parts let me know 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nowhereboy Posted June 6, 2017 Author Share Posted June 6, 2017 I had a huge post written out on here then pressed backspace on the keyboard by mistake and deleted it before posting! Can't be bothered to attempt to write the entire thing out again so I'll cut to the chase. We are back together Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Strudul Posted June 6, 2017 Share Posted June 6, 2017 I had a huge post written out on here then pressed backspace on the keyboard by mistake and deleted it before posting! Can't be bothered to attempt to write the entire thing out again so I'll cut to the chase. We are back together You know if you just do Ctrl+Z it will undo and restore what you lost... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nowhereboy Posted June 6, 2017 Author Share Posted June 6, 2017 (edited) Nah dude the browser took a wobbler and stepped back two pages, I've lost everything! It is worth mentioning I did end up going to see a councillor as advised in this thread and found it very enlightening, he also told me about the "distance/pursuer" imbalance that can take place in a relationship and how it can become that way, I found it interesting to read up on and found a really good article that explains it well here..... https://www.sowhatir...and-distancing/ It's fascinating to me as it accurately describes the dynamic in our original failed relationship right down to how our upbringings have resulted in us acting in these ways. Forgive me if I'm mistaken @TT350 but I think you may find the article of interest too, some of the things you said in this thread made it appear you may have had a similar dynamic in your relationship. Anyway, in short we haven't just dove back into things head first, we have talked, learnt about ourselves and realized what needs to be done in order to fix things, she's made a big effort and so have I, the blaming has stopped, the arguments have stopped and the relationship is going really well. I'd like to thank you guys yet again for your support in this thread, it really has been amazing. Edited June 6, 2017 by nowhereboy 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ekona Posted June 7, 2017 Share Posted June 7, 2017 Well, I hope things work out for you mate, but tbh I can see you being in the same place a year down the line max. I genuinely do hope you can both make it work and give you both happiness, but promise me (and more importantly yourself) that this is the last time. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
docwra Posted June 7, 2017 Share Posted June 7, 2017 Echoing Ekonas comments, sorry to say it but I think youre making a mistake. Hope you prove me wrong. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TT350 Posted June 7, 2017 Share Posted June 7, 2017 I third the opinion. But I do really hope it does prove to be long last and full of happiness. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BobbyZ Posted June 7, 2017 Share Posted June 7, 2017 Don't listen to those miserable gits above me Good luck! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grahamc Posted June 8, 2017 Share Posted June 8, 2017 Sadly, I am one of the miserable gits above...... and having seen both sides and spent nearly 15 years fighting for something to work, Im pretty sure that I have made this mistake and learnt something from it. I really hope that it works for you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jay84 Posted June 8, 2017 Share Posted June 8, 2017 All the best mate. At the very least, you can hold your head up high and say you gave it everything you have, and you tried. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andy_Muxlow Posted June 8, 2017 Share Posted June 8, 2017 Good luck to you both buddy. I hope all works out well for you both. Everyone deserves to be happy, but happiness take work. Good luck 🙂 Sent from my iPhone using a hammer and chisel 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grahamc Posted June 8, 2017 Share Posted June 8, 2017 Sorry, but saw this on FB and just laughed.... a quote, harsh yes, vulgar yes, but funny! Taking your ex back, is like trying to put a piece of @*!# back into your asshole 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BobbyZ Posted June 8, 2017 Share Posted June 8, 2017 (edited) Well I'm probably the most negative person in the world when it comes to relationships (and quite a few other things as it goes), but I don't see how it's beneficial in any way to predict that it's going to go tits up, unless you're really busting to be able to say "I told you so" if it happens. Edited June 8, 2017 by BobbyZ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GMballistic Posted June 8, 2017 Share Posted June 8, 2017 Your life, your decisions so I hope it all works out for you. Good luck to you nwb. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nowhereboy Posted June 8, 2017 Author Share Posted June 8, 2017 Thanks guys, I just knew in my heart I wasn't ready to walk away from this yet and I'm pleased we get one more chance at things. I've already promised myself this will be the last time and I know she has done the same. Fingers crossed for our future together, worst comes too at least I know I gave it my all. Anyway enough of the soppy stuff, I want to move on from the past and look to the future now, I probably wont be commenting on this thread anymore as it's all said and done now. Lets get back to arguing about politics or something 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TT350 Posted June 12, 2017 Share Posted June 12, 2017 Err hold on a minute! I still might turn into a wreck because I see my ex knocking about, climbing out of a 458 Italia with someone who looks like Connor Murphy (youtube) wearing a bespoke and perfectly tailored lounge suit that he had made for him while they were on his private yacht that he keeps in the Caribbean. meanwhile I rock up in a diesel Clio sporting a bald spot and Primani clobber. I'll need support guys!! Lol. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ekona Posted June 12, 2017 Share Posted June 12, 2017 I bet it's a nice Clio though 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TT350 Posted June 13, 2017 Share Posted June 13, 2017 I bet it's a nice Clio though 60mpg!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GMballistic Posted June 13, 2017 Share Posted June 13, 2017 Anyway enough of the soppy stuff, I want to move on from the past and look to the future now, I probably wont be commenting on this thread anymore as it's all said and done now. Lets get back to arguing about politics or something Just give the word if you want it locked. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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