TT350 Posted August 4, 2016 Share Posted August 4, 2016 Hi guys. Still completely reeling from my breakup. We'd been together 5 years. I thought she was the one. We remodelled my house together both putting equal money into it. A year later we both moved into a bigger nicer house. Everything was going fine. We did start to get on less and less though about 6 months ago. Little grumbles and niggles turned into a much bigger deal on her behalf. I couldn't do much right. Talk of me moving home but us still dating began to be suggested by her. I didn't go for it. It kept coming up then one day after another morning of her being cold and gloomy I said, look do you really want me to move out? She said yes. I moved out. But I could not do the "continue just dating a couple of nights and see if I miss you and want you back" thing. I ended it. I can't do that to myself. Be 'on hold'. To me, the self respect thing aside, it just sounded like a slow motion breakup which somehow seemed nicer in her eyes. Did I do the right thing? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HEADPHONES Posted August 4, 2016 Share Posted August 4, 2016 No two relationships are the same. Only you know the whole story and I'm sure you thought long and hard before making your decision. Try to stay positive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nissanman312 Posted August 4, 2016 Share Posted August 4, 2016 I'd say yes based on your first post Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gangzoom Posted August 5, 2016 Share Posted August 5, 2016 You done the right thing. Life is far to short to waste time dewelling on things that don't make you happy. The feeling you have now will pass and in 6 months time your look back and wonder what the fuss was about. Go and spend some time on the car/gym etc to take your mind of things . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nissanman312 Posted August 5, 2016 Share Posted August 5, 2016 Definitely sounds like she's trying to make the transition less painfull for her self!! That's not your problem mate you have to do What's right for you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sipar69 Posted August 5, 2016 Share Posted August 5, 2016 (edited) No offence mate but you were heading for a dumping anyway. Nobody who really cares about you says why don't you move out and we can keep seeing each other. She was just letting you down gently. I remember being told towards the end of a relationship that lasted a similar length of time "everything you do and say annoys me these days" You're best out of it. Plenty more fish in the sea and all that. However crappy you feel now, you'll look back on it in a year or so and wonder why you stuck it out for so long. Edited August 5, 2016 by sipar69 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MiddletoM Posted August 5, 2016 Share Posted August 5, 2016 you absolutely did the right thing but walking away. how come you moved out of your house and not her? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
veeg33 Posted August 5, 2016 Share Posted August 5, 2016 It sounds like you have done everything you can to save this relationship. If she isn't doing the same, my guess would be she has given up?? As others said, there's always 2 sides of the story and only both of you will know that. Sometimes you need to pause for a moment, be selfish and think for own happiness. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GappySmeg Posted August 5, 2016 Share Posted August 5, 2016 You did the right thing. As others have said, she was steering you down a slow-motion breakup. Been there myself, exact same "move out but we'll continue seeing each other a few times a week"... I didn't go for it either. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
colesl4w Posted August 5, 2016 Share Posted August 5, 2016 You 100% did the right thing. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andy_Muxlow Posted August 5, 2016 Share Posted August 5, 2016 Hi TT you have done the right thing imho as it was heading that way as others have said. As for still hurting it will take quite a bit of time to sort out, I was with my 1st wife for 20years we have 2 almost grown up kids and when that went wrong I thought my life had ended! However 18 months later I met a great lady called Sarah we hit it off straight away, I have been with her for nearly 6 years now, and married for nearly 2. If my first marriage hadn't gone wrong I wouldn't be where I am today!! Just give it time buddy. Hope this helps. Andy. Sent from my iPhone using hammer and chisel! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StevoD Posted August 5, 2016 Share Posted August 5, 2016 if it aint working, it aint worth it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TT350 Posted August 5, 2016 Author Share Posted August 5, 2016 I think i did do the right thing. But i also made a fool of myself by breaking silence and asking if she thought shed ever want to be with me again. To which she said no. Previouly just after breakup we were still talking and she was crying her eyes out when we met up saying "please can we try just going back to dating and see how it goes?!" I agreed but then quickly changed my mind. Then after that she was just cold and impartial to me and would not agree to just date. And then i did end it. But like i said, i made the fatal error of contacting her to ask if she was positive shed never take me back. Which she wont. What a tool i am. Ive got her to block me now which is calming to an extent. I know her number off by heart you see. Man. The anguish is tangible and im in a financial pickle because of it all too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
colesl4w Posted August 5, 2016 Share Posted August 5, 2016 I think i did do the right thing. But i also made a fool of myself by breaking silence and asking if she thought shed ever want to be with me again. To which she said no. Previouly just after breakup we were still talking and she was crying her eyes out when we met up saying "please can we try just going back to dating and see how it goes?!" I agreed but then quickly changed my mind. Then after that she was just cold and impartial to me and would not agree to just date. And then i did end it. But like i said, i made the fatal error of contacting her to ask if she was positive shed never take me back. Which she wont. What a tool i am. Ive got her to block me now which is calming to an extent. I know her number off by heart you see. Man. The anguish is tangible and im in a financial pickle because of it all too. Don't be so harsh on yourself my man. You are only human, and you're doing exactly what many other men have done, and will do in the future. Use this time to focus on you, rather than someone else. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nowhereboy Posted August 5, 2016 Share Posted August 5, 2016 I'm at this point with my Mrs right now to be honest. Everything I do gets on her nerves and she is constantly picking at me and criticizing me etc. She states it's my fault for ignoring her concerns and not doing enough in the areas that she wanted me too etc and she has ended up resenting me. We always argue over the little stuff too because shes so far gone in her feelings toward me she cant bring up anything respectfully and instead of me looking at what shes upset about I get mad at the way she addressed it, the actual problem doesn't get looked at. It's a mess, I know how you feel mate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TT350 Posted August 5, 2016 Author Share Posted August 5, 2016 You done the right thing. Life is far to short to waste time dewelling on things that don't make you happy. The feeling you have now will pass and in 6 months time your look back and wonder what the fuss was about. Go and spend some time on the car/gym etc to take your mind of things . I know it will but right now it's so intense. Unbareable almost. I am hitting the gym more yes as I know that 4 hours in the gym a day will keep me occupied and also give the added benefits of looking and feeling amazing in 6 months time and because I've nothing else to do after work and I'll be lost in my own misery, the workouts won't be a chore at all and I won't even notice 3 months go by. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TT350 Posted August 5, 2016 Author Share Posted August 5, 2016 No offence mate but you were heading for a dumping anyway. Nobody who really cares about you says why don't you move out and we can keep seeing each other. She was just letting you down gently. I remember being told towards the end of a relationship that lasted a similar length of time "everything you do and say annoys me these days" You're best out of it. Plenty more fish in the sea and all that. However crappy you feel now, you'll look back on it in a year or so and wonder why you stuck it out for so long. In my heart I know shed already left the relationship. There was a catalyst somewhere which caused it all to explode suddenly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TT350 Posted August 5, 2016 Author Share Posted August 5, 2016 you absolutely did the right thing but walking away. how come you moved out of your house and not her? She bought a house and I lived with her for 9 months and we lived in this (my) house for a year before that. Planned to rent it or even sell it. I'm glad I didn't do either of those. When I moved back in here there wasn't even a bed! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TT350 Posted August 5, 2016 Author Share Posted August 5, 2016 Hi TT you have done the right thing imho as it was heading that way as others have said. As for still hurting it will take quite a bit of time to sort out, I was with my 1st wife for 20years we have 2 almost grown up kids and when that went wrong I thought my life had ended! However 18 months later I met a great lady called Sarah we hit it off straight away, I have been with her for nearly 6 years now, and married for nearly 2. If my first marriage hadn't gone wrong I wouldn't be where I am today!! Just give it time buddy. Hope this helps. Andy. Sent from my iPhone using hammer and chisel! Well you surely know the grief it causes greater than I do. 20 years is a helluva long time. Very true that you never know what's round the corner. My mum had just died and I was grieving when my now ex came along and completely eased the pain. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TT350 Posted August 5, 2016 Author Share Posted August 5, 2016 (edited) I'm at this point with my Mrs right now to be honest. Everything I do gets on her nerves and she is constantly picking at me and criticizing me etc. She states it's my fault for ignoring her concerns and not doing enough in the areas that she wanted me too etc and she has ended up resenting me. We always argue over the little stuff too because shes so far gone in her feelings toward me she cant bring up anything respectfully and instead of me looking at what shes upset about I get mad at the way she addressed it, the actual problem doesn't get looked at. It's a mess, I know how you feel mate. Sorry to hear this mate. What do you think you'll do so you can Leave with dignity intact? Edited August 5, 2016 by TT350 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GMballistic Posted August 5, 2016 Share Posted August 5, 2016 I'm at this point with my Mrs right now to be honest. Everything I do gets on her nerves and she is constantly picking at me and criticizing me etc. She states it's my fault for ignoring her concerns and not doing enough in the areas that she wanted me too etc and she has ended up resenting me. We always argue over the little stuff too because shes so far gone in her feelings toward me she cant bring up anything respectfully and instead of me looking at what shes upset about I get mad at the way she addressed it, the actual problem doesn't get looked at. It's a mess, I know how you feel mate. Sorry to read that, ...doesn't sound good. If you haven't already you need to talk it out with her and tell her how you're feeling if you want to keep your relationship with her otherwise you'll be heading down the same path as TT. Hope you get it sorted. @Gareth ~ It sounds like you've made the best decision you could but in all honesty only you know what's best for you & what you want. Unfortunately sometimes people want different things from each other and inevitably relationships fail. If you loved her, which I think you did then you'll never truly get over the heart ache imo but it will get better and as time goes by you will ponder over it less & less. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TT350 Posted August 5, 2016 Author Share Posted August 5, 2016 I'm at this point with my Mrs right now to be honest. Everything I do gets on her nerves and she is constantly picking at me and criticizing me etc. She states it's my fault for ignoring her concerns and not doing enough in the areas that she wanted me too etc and she has ended up resenting me. We always argue over the little stuff too because shes so far gone in her feelings toward me she cant bring up anything respectfully and instead of me looking at what shes upset about I get mad at the way she addressed it, the actual problem doesn't get looked at. It's a mess, I know how you feel mate. Sorry to read that, ...doesn't sound good. If you haven't already you need to talk it out with her and tell her how you're feeling if you want to keep your relationship with her otherwise you'll be heading down the same path as TT. Hope you get it sorted. @Gareth ~ It sounds like you've made the best decision you could but in all honesty only you know what's best for you & what you want. Unfortunately sometimes people want different things from each other and inevitably relationships fail. If you loved her, which I think you did then you'll never truly get over the heart ache imo but it will get better and as time goes by you will ponder over it less & less. Yes she obviously wanted something different. A true saying "Women are like monkeys, they don't let go of one branch before having hold of another" Personally I feel the heartache DOES go over time. I've been in love before and was heartbroken but that person eventually completely faded from my emotions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nowhereboy Posted August 5, 2016 Share Posted August 5, 2016 I'm at this point with my Mrs right now to be honest. Everything I do gets on her nerves and she is constantly picking at me and criticizing me etc. She states it's my fault for ignoring her concerns and not doing enough in the areas that she wanted me too etc and she has ended up resenting me. We always argue over the little stuff too because shes so far gone in her feelings toward me she cant bring up anything respectfully and instead of me looking at what shes upset about I get mad at the way she addressed it, the actual problem doesn't get looked at. It's a mess, I know how you feel mate. Sorry to hear this mate. What do you think you'll do so you can Leave with dignity intact? If it comes down to it and I leave it's going to be the hardest thing I've ever had to go through, she has a 6 year old boy and I've been like a dad to him for 2 years, not sure it's going to be possible to walk away with any dignity at all to be honest. Our only potential saving grace is a family holiday that is booked for the end of this month, she told me last night she would have kicked me out if it wasn't for the holiday. If I want to save the relationship I need to man up and realize shes going to be grumpy, upset and passive aggressive until she starts to feel better about things, I need to stop reacting to her moods/comments and I need to fix the things that have led her to feel this way (me being unorganized, forgetting things, not paying enough attention to her when shes talking, spending too much time with the car etc). It's just so hard to keep your patience with someone who is frustrated at you and makes you feel like a burden on their life. Especially when I do actually do a lot for her, financially and in the way of helping with childcare etc. She told me last night she is almost sure she is done and if she still feels this way after the holiday it's over. I'm giving it one last shot, I really love the girl and part of me believes if I can fix the fundamental things that drove her to be like this that things can still get better. Time will tell. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TT350 Posted August 5, 2016 Author Share Posted August 5, 2016 I'm at this point with my Mrs right now to be honest. Everything I do gets on her nerves and she is constantly picking at me and criticizing me etc. She states it's my fault for ignoring her concerns and not doing enough in the areas that she wanted me too etc and she has ended up resenting me. We always argue over the little stuff too because shes so far gone in her feelings toward me she cant bring up anything respectfully and instead of me looking at what shes upset about I get mad at the way she addressed it, the actual problem doesn't get looked at. It's a mess, I know how you feel mate. Sorry to hear this mate. What do you think you'll do so you can Leave with dignity intact? If it comes down to it and I leave it's going to be the hardest thing I've ever had to go through, she has a 6 year old boy and I've been like a dad to him for 2 years, not sure it's going to be possible to walk away with any dignity at all to be honest. Our only potential saving grace is a family holiday that is booked for the end of this month, she told me last night she would have kicked me out if it wasn't for the holiday. If I want to save the relationship I need to man up and realize shes going to be grumpy, upset and passive aggressive until she starts to feel better about things, I need to stop reacting to her moods/comments and I need to fix the things that have led her to feel this way (me being unorganized, forgetting things, not paying enough attention to her when shes talking, spending too much time with the car etc). It's just so hard to keep your patience with someone who is frustrated at you and makes you feel like a burden on their life. Especially when I do actually do a lot for her, financially and in the way of helping with childcare etc. She told me last night she is almost sure she is done and if she still feels this way after the holiday it's over. I'm giving it one last shot, I really love the girl and part of me believes if I can fix the fundamental things that drove her to be like this that things can still get better. Time will tell. Mate this sounds like an awful situation. I don't think it's very fair of her to say if the holiday won't fix it you're history. That's far too much pressure on you and pretty much guarantees you won't enjoy it which she'll pick up on. I don't know mate. She sounds a bit petty and immature and harsh. Are you that much of a bad guy to her? I don't think I could do it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nowhereboy Posted August 5, 2016 Share Posted August 5, 2016 Also sorry for the thread hijack, it just hit me as being close to what I'm going through right now. I hope you feel better soon mate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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