Kids

[grahamc]

Lets compare projects

 

I'm not that rich, I wouldn't dare! yet!

 

Missus and I discussed kids in the beginning and neither of us wanted... 15 years later, its still the same. We enjoy our lives, like the freedom and so on. We have friends with kids and they are great, but I am happy when I hand them back. Both my missus and I had tough lives growing up and neither us wanted to bring a kid into that.

 

The other thing to consider is the stress kids brings to a relationship, I have seen a strong couple that having kids as only made stronger and others where it has torn the relationship apart..... however thats planned VS unplanned as well

 

Mrs is my first girlfriend, I'm her first boyfriend, we've been together since we were 17. We grew up together and bonded as a couple as we went through a lot of personal matters, some of you here know what I'm talking about, it wasn't easy. We must be the odd ones out, but to us kids have been probably the strongest sealant that in this relationship. There is no way in the world I would see myself where I am today without her and the kids.

 

Unrelated to the above quotes, more like a general reply:

 

Again, I know it's a sensible subject and I should probably stay out of it, but I can assure you I'm not being arrogant, pedantic or patronising at all in what I'm going to say. It's just my personal experience.

 

Even to me it's hard to explain what you actually feel when you hold your kid for the 1st time as it just popped out or when you come home and it doesn't matter how stressful your day was they just brighten you up by hugging you, pulling silly faces, telling you about their latest achievements in school or extracurricular activities, when you see them becoming better than yourself as they grow up and mature and so on, therefore I can really comprehend how can anyone that chooses not to have children express an opinion about parenthood? Not judging either, each individual is FREE to chose what he does with his life. It's only a rhetorical question

 

As an example, I love classical music, been listening to it since I was a teenager, I have lots of world renowned musician friends, conductors, violinists, sopranos, pianists etc, but that doesn't make me a musician. I will never be able to understand what a composer or violinist FEELS

 

Looking forward to the days when I'm going to be old, having both of our daughters coming round to visit us with their kids, too My grand is 92, I speak with him every week as he's still back in Romania. There's nothing else in the world that makes him happier than when we call him or when we go to visit him, it's always a surprise visit, as we know he loves that.

 

I think you are one of the lucky ones and I have no doubt you will get all that you want!

 

I dont have that extended family thing.... I constantly moved, hated school, was bullied, issues at home with father, didnt speak to him for 15 consecutive years (didnt know his number, address, country of residence), dont speak to his side of the family, etc. All I have is my mom and my missus..... I do everything I can to take care of my mom and Mel can fend for herself

[coldel]

We also got drunk every day this weekend and had people round till 3am one night and 5am another. Tasha spent one full day in bed as she couldnt move

 

Ive just booked us going to Paris for the day tomorrow as Ive got a meeting there so thought we would make a day of it and come home Saturday or Sunday.

 

Any suggestions there?

 

Ease up on your alcohol intake its not doing you any good...

[rabbitstew]

Got two daughters, one is 9 in May, the other 5 1/2 months.

 

Only managed to visit just over 30 countries (7 last year, only 2 this year, but 3 more booked) since I've been a father, started 2 businesses, modded a few BMWs, 350z, 370z and a GTR, been to hundreds of concerts, operas, events, go out most weekends, but also during the week sometime. I'm enjoying every second of it and wouldn't even imagine my life without my family as it is now, the four of us

 

Not being arrogant or patronising, just wanted to show the flipped side of the coin, there's still life after having kids, a lot of it!

 

Maybe its because your kids are older, or the family relationship has a different setup to mine, as I dont get time to have a dump most days, let alone do half the stuff you mention.

 

I was actually speaking to some of my mates the other night about this very subject and for some of them, having kids has not changed much at all with regards to their social lives / hobbies. One has just rebuilt a whole car in the space of a few months, spending nearly every evening/weekend in the garage (he has 4 kids). Several of my friends spend all day Sunday playing golf down their local club whilst the wife looks after the little ones. Another mate goes to every single game his local footie team play, including internationals where he stays away for a few days etc. One mate has just run a marathon having spent weeks and weeks training (very time consuming) (he has 3 kids) and another mate is either always in the gym or playing footie (he has 2 kids) etc etc, you get the picture... It just goes to show that you can do what you want still even if you have kids, (if your other half is prepared to look after them all the time).

[Zeezeebaba]

My dad once said to me "Son you reap what you sow". I was far from a well behaved child, always answering back getting into petty trouble etc. It all went downhill when mum left, I was 8 at the time. Also back then it was quite rare for people to divorce and especially rare the dad won custody. My younger sister was the apple of dad's eye and I was the older brother making the mistakes

I was a fairly intellectual child and did well in education but never pushed my potential to the limit.

After Uni I secured a job with Shell as a surveyor and earned some good money, I lived well and wasted vast amounts on having a good time, new motorcycles and cars a nice flat.

My girlfriend at the time wanted to take us to the next level, we were six years into the relationship and she wanted children. Still haunted by my own broken family and really not wanting children I refused which eventually ended the relationship. As bad things always seem to happen at once I was also made redundant around the same time.

 

I managed to secure employment after months of bitty jobs and agency work although the money wasn't half the amount I was accustomed to previously. I struck up a relationship with a girl who worked in our control room and we went out on a few dates. Things were going great until the day she said she was pregnant! I literally didn't know how to react, I didn't want children at all bit also didn't want my partner to go through an abortion.

I still recall the surreal moment the new life emerged and changed my life forever. I cried like a girl when he popped out, couldn't control it

My son is now 18 and my daughter 9. Both answer me back occasionally and when they do I remember my dad's wise words and laugh.

[sipar69]

I've seen "new life emerging" on the telly. Shudder. .

 

A furry kitten emerging from a cardboard box is all I need.

[gsexr]

The one thing that stands out from most of the people that don`t have kids is the fear they have of losing their freedom to do just what they want in life if they were to have them.

There is an element of truth that this will happen.

But

You cannot understand the love you will feel until you actually have them and its like nothing else.

Have faith.

Its not all about me, me , me

Edited March 30, 2016 by gsexr

[sipar69]

The one thing that stands out from most of the people that don`t have kids is the fear they have of losing their freedom to do just what they want in life if they were to have them.

There is an element of truth that this will happen.

But

You cannot understand the love you will feel until you actually have them and its like nothing else.

Have faith.

Its not all about me, me , me

 

Lots of ways to live a life that's not all "me, me, me" without having kids.

[LRF4N]

What gsexr said. The good far far far outweighs the bad

 

Yes they're demanding, yes you lose sleep, yes you need to change your routine.... But it's worth every second

 

Coming home from work and your little ones running up to you with a big smile on their faces asking you to lift them- makes it all worth while. Having a baby fall asleep in your arms- can't get that feeling from a pet

 

But I guess you have to want kids to appreciate them

[Ekona]

I think I feel the way about cats that you guys feel about kids.

 

I couldn't imagine my life without them.

They're the first thing I think about when I wake, and the last thing before I sleep.

I'm so proud of their every achievement.

They make me laugh and smile more than anything else in the world.

I would rather spend an hour with them than a week with a supermodel.

Cleaning up after them is never fun, but worth the smell.

[valy]

[gsexr]

I think I feel the way about cats that you guys feel about kids.

 

I couldn't imagine my life without them.

They're the first thing I think about when I wake, and the last thing before I sleep.

I'm so proud of their every achievement.

They make me laugh and smile more than anything else in the world.

I would rather spend an hour with them than a week with a supermodel.

Cleaning up after them is never fun, but worth the smell.

 

Substitution for a man in denial

[coldel]

I think I feel the way about cats that you guys feel about kids.

 

I couldn't imagine my life without them.

They're the first thing I think about when I wake, and the last thing before I sleep.

I'm so proud of their every achievement.

They make me laugh and smile more than anything else in the world.

I would rather spend an hour with them than a week with a supermodel.

Cleaning up after them is never fun, but worth the smell.

 

Cats couldn't give a monkeys backside about you, they use you for food and a place to defecate. If they could open tins, they would call out a hitman and have you done over in the blink of an eye and inherit all your stuff. They take away your freedom, you have to constantly feed them and clean up after them, hair everywhere, I just couldn't imagine anything worse...

 

...I have never owned a cat.

[Rock_Steady]

Having a child is always difficult and no child is the same. I suppose i waited quite long time to have kids - until i was 35 - and while i had my younger years to bugger about and generally do what i want when i want, the prospect of having a child knowing you WON'T be able to do what you want when you want is worrying. But, i don't regret it for a second, it's one of the most beautiful things in the world. Yes, it's a compromise but it can be rewarding in a way that i can't put into words and in away i never thought i would appreciate but i do. If you don't have kids, then no matter. if you don't then you don't and who cares what anyone thinks. i don't think it's selfish, only a life choice. And, quite frankly, there are those who should never have kids.

Edited March 31, 2016 by Rock_Steady

[mouthwash]

I think I feel the way about cats that you guys feel about kids.

 

I couldn't imagine my life without them.

They're the first thing I think about when I wake, and the last thing before I sleep.

I'm so proud of their every achievement.

They make me laugh and smile more than anything else in the world.

I would rather spend an hour with them than a week with a supermodel.

Cleaning up after them is never fun, but worth the smell.

 

Cats couldn't give a monkeys backside about you, they use you for food and a place to defecate. If they could open tins, they would call out a hitman and have you done over in the blink of an eye and inherit all your stuff. They take away your freedom, you have to constantly feed them and clean up after them, hair everywhere, I just couldn't imagine anything worse...

 

...I have never owned a cat.

 

Sounds like kids to me.

 

...I have never owned a kid.

[sipar69]

I think I feel the way about cats that you guys feel about kids.

 

I couldn't imagine my life without them.

They're the first thing I think about when I wake, and the last thing before I sleep.

I'm so proud of their every achievement.

They make me laugh and smile more than anything else in the world.

I would rather spend an hour with them than a week with a supermodel.

Cleaning up after them is never fun, but worth the smell.

 

Cats couldn't give a monkeys backside about you, they use you for food and a place to defecate. If they could open tins, they would call out a hitman and have you done over in the blink of an eye and inherit all your stuff. They take away your freedom, you have to constantly feed them and clean up after them, hair everywhere, I just couldn't imagine anything worse...

 

...I have never owned a cat.

 

Sounds like kids to me.

 

...I have never owned a kid.

 

Kids are much worse. At least cats poop outside and don't wait for you to die so they can sell your house.

[Adrian@TORQEN]

Some of you guys must have had a really bad life experience growing up. You talk about kids like they are some sort of diseases and like you've never been a child.

It doesn't bother me, I'm just trying to put myself in your shoes and see / understand the world through your eyes, but it's obviously impossible. It somehow reminds me of Steve Jobs, one of the very few people I "worship".

It's a very complex a delicate subject...

[Flex]

Well brother in law's wife is up the duff so this will be the acid test in 6 months time. See if the smell of the new borne trigger the baby making hormones/feelings in the wife (insert scared face here).

[Flex]

Some of you guys must have had a really bad life experience growing up. You talk about kids like they are some sort of diseases and like you've never been a child.

It doesn't bother me, I'm just trying to put myself in your shoes and see / understand the world through your eyes, but it's obviously impossible. It somehow reminds me of Steve Jobs, one of the very few people I "worship".

It's a very complex a delicate subject...

 

Dont take this the wrong way Adrian as no offense intended but your experience seems to suggest that you've been a little, lets say hands off?

[Adrian@TORQEN]

Oh, no offence taken. I'm very hands on, as we speak my wife and AnneMarie (the older daughter) went to the National Gallery where our very good friend James Mayhew has an event from 11:00am

 

 

I'm at home with the little one Amelie, she just had her milk, now sleeping in her room, while I'm downstairs in the office working She'll be up in about one hour, she's good as gold, plays on her own, only starts winging if she's hungry or sleepy.

 

They will be back home close to 3pm, when I'll be getting ready to go out for a meeting in Central London at 5pm.

 

Is that hands off?

[Flex]

No that isn't but as you haven't provided your diary for the last X years I cant say for certain

 

If you have managed to do everything you have done and you're happy with your contribution to the upbringing then I take my hat off to you. Well done.

[-Bradders-]

I cant wait to have kids! The mrs is eager anyway as she's closing in on 30, im 27 this year, but we've vowed to buy a house before we do which is proving difficult whilst the zed is chomping up all my money atm. I have 2 cousins both currently have a toddler and a baby, and i'm fine with them, I think i'd make an awesome dad. i look up to mine in every way and would love to have a mini me look up to me like i look up to mine lol. I just want to be financially stable so that they can have a stress free bringing up! and that myself and the mrs don't have any worries either.

 

I dont think it's selfish to not have children, some people dont have a choice and cant so its wrong to call it selfish.

 

But who knows you could be holding out on the next albert einstein or a little lewi hamilton!

[Ekona]

If my kid comes out looking like a little Lewis, then me and the missus are going to have words.

 

[Flex]

Think about the CSA payments Dan! Always a silver lining!

[-Bradders-]

If my kid comes out looking like a little Lewis, then me and the missus are going to have words.

 

 

 

You know what i mean though!

[Adrian@TORQEN]

If you have managed to do everything you have done and you're happy with your contribution to the upbringing then I take my hat off to you. Well done.

 

It wasn't / is not easy, but I've managed and still managing, while I don't feel any pressure or that I lost my "freedom". I see many of you here complaining of the sleep deprivation when / if you become a parent. Since I was a teenager, I always slept 3-5 hours max a night. I hate the idea that I'm wasting my life sleeping, while I have so many things to do before I leave this life I feel like I'm 97 years old and I'm running out of time with a huge list of to do tasks. Sleep is not important at all to me, I'm used to this kind of schedule and I don't feel tired or sleep deprived.

I'm an workaholic too, with the immigrant mentality where you have to catch up with the local chaps and succeed, no matter the cost So my brain is wired for WORK, WORK and more WORK