TT350 Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 Hello. Been with the missus 4 years now. Was great at first. She pretty much saved my life. Filled my life with happiness and new doors opened etc. Slowly but surely it's eroded to a point where when I see her face I just see misery and complaints and nagging and moaning and I just want to go to a different room. It's really depressing me and sapping my energy in life. Don't even mention the sex or lack thereof. That went out the window about 2 years ago. To be honest I don't even want to be physical with her given the feeling mentioned above. We've spoken and resolved a few times but it's getting worse. Any advice guys? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ekona Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 Welcome to marriage. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ekona Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 On a serious note though, end it and move on. You'll feel lonely and empty as hell at first, but it *will* get better and you'll be a happier person for it. Sticking together only makes two people more miserable, and life is too short for that. Sex isn't everything though, not by a long shot. She may have been exactly what you needed at that time in your life when you met her, but people change even if they don't mean to. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mouthwash Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 My advice? Not happy, do something about it. If that involves leaving then so be it, I'd rather months of misery than a lifetime of it. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MJC Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 If it's a genuine feeling and not a snap decision, then walk away. You only get one go in life, so don't waste the years just to keep someone else happy! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mouthwash Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 Dan's advice is idiotic, listen to mine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ricey Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 Been there nigh on exactly and ultimately you can end up spending a long time flogging a dead horse. Sent from my SM-G900F using Tapatalk 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TT350 Posted March 21, 2016 Author Share Posted March 21, 2016 Very real and valid points. It's hard (as im sure you know) when you have the memory of how good it used to be. We both moved into a house she owns. Would it help if I moved back to the one I own? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flex Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 Has she had any other pressures on her life? On the face of it move on unless there's more to it. You only live once unless your religion tells you otherwise. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grundy Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 Cheat Feel Guilty Give wife more attention for feeling guilty Spark comes back Fling becomes pregnant You pay her off 16 Years later, Daughter comes and finds you Wife finds out Game Over. - Least you got the spark back 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mouthwash Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 (edited) Taking advice from Grundy is like playing Russian roulette..... Except the revolver is fully loaded so it's actually just suicide. Edited March 21, 2016 by mouthwash 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ekona Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 Very real and valid points. It's hard (as im sure you know) when you have the memory of how good it used to be. We both moved into a house she owns. Would it help if I moved back to the one I own? If you do, it's over. I can count on one hand the number of people who move out and then go back. But yes, I would leave. Work out any financials now before things get bitter (snakes with tits remains true, I don't care how sexist it is), and remind yourself that you're doing this so that things can get better for both of you. Not gonna lie, you'll probably spend a few evenings on your own crying yourself to sleep, but I can promise you that you'll be a happier and better person this time next year. If you ever need a sounding board from somewhere who's been where you are now, and I've some really fun stories about those dark days, then feel free to PM me mate. The offer is always there. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TT350 Posted March 21, 2016 Author Share Posted March 21, 2016 Has she had any other pressures on her life? On the face of it move on unless there's more to it. You only live once unless your religion tells you otherwise. Nope. Grew up in an affluent area. Two very supportive parents who adore her. A career in architecture working for two of the main tv soaps. Lots of friends. No life traumas. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
glrnet Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 Very real and valid points. It's hard (as im sure you know) when you have the memory of how good it used to be. We both moved into a house she owns. Would it help if I moved back to the one I own? If you do, it's over. I can count on one hand the number of people who move out and then go back. But yes, I would leave. Work out any financials now before things get bitter (snakes with tits remains true, I don't care how sexist it is), and remind yourself that you're doing this so that things can get better for both of you. Not gonna lie, you'll probably spend a few evenings on your own crying yourself to sleep, but I can promise you that you'll be a happier and better person this time next year. If you ever need a sounding board from somewhere who's been where you are now, and I've some really fun stories about those dark days, then feel free to PM me mate. The offer is always there. Exactly the same sentiments and offers here too, been there seen it done it etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kbad Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 My view is to do a root cause analysis to identify first why/how the relationship came to where you are now intrinsically for 2 reasons primarily which is to identify the root cause so you (if the issue is you) do not impact another again which same cause; secondly if the relationship could be salvaged (if both parties are willing ) - the cause will hep with the solution. Just my view so the decision arrived at is not reactive but well thought out . Hope this makes sense 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coldel Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 Its worth a shot, but how about living her shoes for a week, see how it feels for you. Could be that you are driving her nuts with just a few habits that have worn her down and she is struggling with it. Small things become bigger issues over time, I think after about 4 years these sorts of things can be causing big problems when in fact they could be solved easily and quickly if you both understand and compromise. I guess what I am trying to say, is live in each others shoes for a while and see what comes up, talk through what issues drive you nuts and cause complaints, how about remembering when you had good times what it was that made them good, often 'life' can get in the way of these things and you convince yourself you have no time to do them again, this is very stressful. I would certainly just make absolutely sure before you end it, if anything work out what has happened and be better prepared for similar eventualities in future. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wayne370Z Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 (edited) Most relationships seem to stagnate over time. I think you need to get divorced and move on when you`re not happy with each other anymore. By the time you get to wife number 3 you`ve hopefully found the one to spend the rest of your days with (or are just too old to bother with another divorce). Edited March 21, 2016 by Wayne370Z Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stutopia Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 Whatever the little voice inside says, it's usually right and your OP reads like you know the answer but would like some confirmation. If you genuinely dread going home, it's time to move on. You wouldn't put up with it in a job and that's not really that important in the grand scheme of things. Assuming you're not talking about her asking you to do the bins, leave the bog seat down, put your pants in the laundry bin, etc. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
valy Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 Its worth a shot, but how about living her shoes for a week, see how it feels for you. Could be that you are driving her nuts with just a few habits that have worn her down and she is struggling with it. Small things become bigger issues over time, I think after about 4 years these sorts of things can be causing big problems when in fact they could be solved easily and quickly if you both understand and compromise. I guess what I am trying to say, is live in each others shoes for a while and see what comes up, talk through what issues drive you nuts and cause complaints, how about remembering when you had good times what it was that made them good, often 'life' can get in the way of these things and you convince yourself you have no time to do them again, this is very stressful. I would certainly just make absolutely sure before you end it, if anything work out what has happened and be better prepared for similar eventualities in future. I got to say I agree with you more and more Coldel on your posts good advice there,always best to try and work it out rather then taking the easy path walking away... 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoogyRev Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 The first thing to do is talk to her. and by that I don't mean telling her you are moving out. Make an effort to find out how she feels and go from there. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paddy78 Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 I'm guessing there are 2 sides to this... Why is she nagging / complaining / moaning? Women will generally have sex with someone if they are feeling sexy and/or loved / special. Do you do anything together? No offence to you, but I highly doubt the problems are just being caused by her? If you don't want to try to resolve it, then walk away... but if you do, then maybe look at what you might be doing to cause the nagging etc. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TT350 Posted March 21, 2016 Author Share Posted March 21, 2016 I think the problem is mismatched personalities. She's happy, in her element, picking cushions, blankets, pillows, pictures, flowers etc. I just have 0 interest in it any more. It's all the time. Every weekend is shopping for this kind of stuff. If I spend an hour cleaning my car in the sun it's hell to pay. The whole day is ruined and she's sat on the couch arms folded face like a slapped bum. And the drivel she watches on TV. Endlessly. American teen moody vampires and werewolves. I don't even bother looking at what's on any more. I got an xbox one but I get a whole guilt trip if I want to spend time on it so it's just not worth it. Basically I'm miserable doing the stuff she wants. I'm made to be miserable if I want to do things I want to do. Dreading this weekend. It's her birthday and got to smile and bear it. I'm not saying I'm perfect in all this. I just don't know how to get past it as we've had discussions plenty. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OllyB Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 I don't normally get involved in these sort of discussions but how old are you? Are there children involved? What would have to change to make you and her happier? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zeezeebaba Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 Always easier if you don't have children together, harder if you do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TT350 Posted March 21, 2016 Author Share Posted March 21, 2016 I don't normally get involved in these sort of discussions but how old are you? Are there children involved? What would have to change to make you and her happier? 34. No children thank God. I feel lost in the relationship. Feel I've lost who I am. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.