Noah's Ark

[Lexx]

Noah's Ark

In the year 2007 the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in England

and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated,

and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save two

of every living thing along with a few good humans."

He gave Noah the CAD drawings, saying, "You have 6 months to build the

Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."

 

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his

garden - but no Ark. "Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain!

Where is the Ark?"

 

"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed. I needed

Building Regulations Approval and I've been arguing with the Fire

Brigade about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbours claim that

I should have obtained planning permission for building the Ark in my

garden because it is development of the site, even though in my view it

is a temporary structure. We had to then go to appeal to the Secretary

of State for a decision.

 

Then the Department of Transport demanded a bond be posted for the

future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions to

clear the passage for the Ark 's move to the sea. I told them that the

sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.

 

Getting the wood was another problem. All the decent trees have Tree

Preservation Orders on them and we live in a Site of Special Scientific

Interest set up in order to protect the spotted owl. I tried to convince

the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no

go!

 

When I started gathering the animals, the RSPCA sued me. They insisted

that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the

accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put

so many animals in a confined space.

 

Then the County Council, the Environment Agency and the Rivers Authority

ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an

environmental impact study on your proposed flood. I'm still trying to

resolve a complaint with the Equal Opportunities Commission on how many

disabled carpenter's I'm supposed to hire for my building team. The

trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only

accredited workers with Ark-building experience.

 

To make matters worse, Revenue and Customs seized all my assets,

claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered

species. So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for

me to finish this Ark."

 

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow

stretched across the sky.

Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to

destroy the world?"

"No," said the Lord. "The British Government beat me to it."

[Nigelp]

[Ian]

[martinmac]

You would never get the crew, Llodys approval and all the surveys done anyway. It would still have to be Marshall Islands flag

[stuey]