Q: What is the definition of Confidence?
A: When your wife catches you in bed with another woman and you slap her on the ass and say, "You're next!"
Q: How do you know when you are getting old?
A: When you start having dry dreams and wet farts.
Q: What's the definition of "trust"?
A: Two cannibals giving each other a BJ
Q: When is a pixie not a pixie?
A: When he's got his head up a fairy's skirt, then he's a goblin'.
Q: What is the difference between a 69 and driving in the fog?
A: When driving in the fog, you can't see the
asshole in front of you.
Q: What do Kodak and condoms have in common?
A: They both capture the moment.
Q: What's got 90 balls and makes women sweat?
A: Bingo.
Q: What's 100 yards long and smells of wee?
A: The Post Office queue on Thursday mornings.
Q: What have the Gas Board and pelicans got in common?
A: They can both stick their bills up their arse.
Q: What's the difference between PMT and BSE?
A: One's mad cow's disease and the other's an
agricultural problem.
Q: Who is the only man weighing over 11st, who has ridden a Derby winner, since 1945?
A: Lester Piggott's cell mate.
Q: What's got 500 legs and no pubic hair?
A: The front row at a Boyzone concert.