Zummertor

Sound advice

A collection of friends all over the world normal distribution, one of my email accounts gets a hammering. Loads and loads of video clips / ppts etc. I can't share on here.

Just trying to bring a ray of sunshine to the world not interested in "post" or other status

The Husband Store A store that sells husbands has just opened where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men. The store is composed of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building. So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs. The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?" So up she goes. The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids. The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further up?" And up she goes again. The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking. "Hmmm, better" she says. "But I wonder what's upstairs?" The fourth floor sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework. "Wow!" exclaims the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!" And again she heads up another flight. The fifth floor sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak. "Oh, mercy me! But just think...what must be awaiting me further on?" So up to the sixth floor she goes. The sixth floor sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 3,456,789,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at Husband Mart and have a nice day.

Right, let's get this Sunny fun Friday going, enough bleep email, quick break get strong coffee and time to create some presentations Two aliens landed in the New Mexico desert near a gas station that had been closed for the night. They approached one of the gas pumps and the younger of the two aliens addressed it. "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader." The gas pump (of course) didn't respond. The younger alien started to get cross and the older one said, "I wouldn't get mad if I were you." The younger alien ignored the warning and repeated the greeting. Again, there was no response. Annoyed by what he perceived to be the pump's haughty attitude, he drew his ray gun and said impatiently, "Greetings Earthling. We come in peace. Do not ignore us in this way! Take us to your leader, or I will fire." The older alien again warned his comrade, "Don't upset him". "Rubbish," replied the younger alien. He aimed his weapon at the pump and fired. There was a huge explosion. A massive fireball roared outwards and towards them and blew the younger alien off his feet and deposited him in a burnt and crumpled mess 200 yards away in a cactus patch. 35 Earth minutes later, when he finally regained consciousness, refocused his three eyes and straightened his bent antenna (it was a stubby), he looked dazedly up at the wiser one, who was standing over him, slowly shaking his big green head. "What a ferocious creature," said the young fried one. "It damn near killed us! How did you know it was so dangerous?" The older alien leaned over, placed a friendly feeler onto the crispy, peeling flesh and shared some knowledge. "If there's one thing I've learned during my travels through the galaxy," said the wise old alien. "When a guy has a penis he can wrap around himself twice and then stick it in his ear, you don't mess with him."

Not a lot to add to what others have said, other than look very carefully for accident repairs especially if on Bridgestones as the risk of going in a direction you weren't expcting is higher As I'm guessing you are looking at used then usual rules apply and as already said budget then import or UK car, don't be put off importing and probably worth checking out importers that others on here have used. In any event, it is a great fun car, which is just about practical for one and occasionally two, enjoy the hunt and get one, you will love it !

Undoubtedly a scam of some sort as already said by others. I've seen cars on autotrader and Pistonheads where the car in the photograph is a copy of another one that was in the past for sale and is apparently "abroad" and is suggestion "escrow" the money, anything like this is usually a scam and not a valid email collection as there are plenty of other easier ways to get thousands and thousands of email addresses very easily.

I found on mine that if I leave it outside overnight with CDs in then it sometimes skips but never if I take CDs out. This is something that the manual indicates can happen, worth taking your CDs out and ensuring they are without condensation before going too far with a replacement.

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life!, between the legs of me wife!" That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night". She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife." "Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said. The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary." She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."

Most go for Toyo's or Pilot Sports from the various threads I've read. Not heard of any continenals on Zed's. My experience of them on other cars is generally a quieter tyre on the road and with it a bit less grip, which on a Zed would make me a bit nervous in the wet.

Couldn't see it so thought a little story for you to read. If you can read this whole story without tears of laughter running down your cheeks, then there's no hope for you! Note: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better! For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is. They actually have a Chilli Cook-off about the time the Rodeo comes to town. It takes up a major portion of the parking lot at the Astrodome. The notes are from an inexperienced Chilli taster named Frank, who was visiting Texas from the East Coast: Frank: "Recently, I was honoured to be selected as a judge at a chilli cook-off. The Judge #3 called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the Budweiser truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chilli wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted." Here are the scorecards from the event: Chilli # 1 (Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chilli) Judge # 1 - A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick. Judge # 2 - Nice, smooth tomato flavour. Very mild. Judge # 3 - (Frank) Holy @*!#, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy. Chilli # 2 (Arthur's Afterburner Chilli) Judge # 1 - Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang. Judge # 2 - Exciting BBQ flavour, needs more peppers to be taken seriously. Judge # 3 - Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich manoeuvre. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face. Chilli # 3 (Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chilli) Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chilli. Great kick. Needs more beans. Judge # 2 -- A beanless chilli, a bit salty, good use of peppers. Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting @*!#-faced from all of the beer! Chilli # 4 (Bubba's Black Magic) Judge # 1 - Black bean chilli with almost no spice. Disappointing. Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chilli. Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-lb. bitch is starting to look HOT... just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chilli an aphrodisiac? Chilli # 5 (Linda's Legal Lip Remover) Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chilli. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive. Judge # 2 - Chilli using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement. Judge # 3 - My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chilli had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks. Chilli # 6 (Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety) Judge # 1 - Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chilli. Good balance of spices and peppers. Judge # 2 - The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb. Judge # 3 - I @*!# myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that slut Sally. She must be kinkier than I thought. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone. Chilli # 7 (Susan's Screaming Sensation Chilli) Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chilli with too much reliance on canned peppers. Judge # 2 - Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chilli peppers at the last moment. I should take note that I am worried about Judge #3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing controllably. Judge # 3 - You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chilli, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava-like @*!# to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach. Chilli # 8 (Tommy's Toe-Nail Curling Chilli) Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chilli. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence. Judge # 2 - This final entry is a good, balanced chilli. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge # 3 passed out, fell over and pulled the chilli pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor dude, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chilli?

I've had a few Belkins and all have done well, range was not quite as good as Netgear but then still covered house and garden. Key is to ensure you decrease you vulnerability when you get one. ideally look for one with WPA as well as WEP encrytion, much tougher to crack if you do banking or other personal stuff wirelessly [to give you an example there is a little tool for the naughty which can crack WEP codes within 10 minutes easily even on low powered devices, use a powerful laptop and you're in/online in under a couple of mins, apparently] , turn ping response off (however called on you particular kit), MAC addr filtering is recommended. By default most wireless equipment will have B/G built in but not the various MIMO types yet, so if you go for the faster and longer range MIMO type router you'll probably have to buy a card / USB device to get advantage of the extra speed, not likely you'll need it if you don't have heavy wireless traffic. Not sure if that helps or confuses.

Hello and , love your buying style. Always worth a negotiating "nibble" to close a deal. I'm getting 25mpg average now but a little bit heavy footed last couple of weeks, with a bit more care then high 20's is easy to do without wearing a hat on Sundays.

Hello and

Source: Texas. Still going to offend somebody The Pentagon announced the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the United States Redneck Special Forces (USRSF). These boys will be dropped off in Iraq and have been given only the following facts about terrorists : 1. The season opened today. 2. There is no limit. 3. They taste just like chicken. 4. They don't like beer, pickups, country music or Jesus. 5. They are directly responsible for the death of ELVIS The Pentagon expects the problem in Iraq to be over by Friday

I'm sure that family is much bigger now e.g. people who open car doors carelessly etc.

I suspect the non Scot's may struggle to see the humour, and maybe the Scot's too. Better go brace myself [i wonder what that really is ?] Here goes. Jokes that only work in Scotland A Glasgow woman goes to the dentist and settles down in the chair. 'Comfy?' asks the dentist. 'Govan,' she replies. What did the Siamese twins from Glasgow call their autobiography? Oor Wullie. A guy walks into an antiques shop and says: 'How much for the set of antlers?' 'Two hundred quid,' says the bloke behind the counter. 'That's affa deer,' says the guy. Did you hear about the fella who liked eating bricks and cement? He's awa' noo. After announcing he's getting married, a boy tells his pal he'll be wearing the kilt. 'And what's the tartan?' asks his mate. 'Oh, she'll be wearing a white dress,' he replies. What do you call a pigeon that goes to Aviemore for its holidays? A skean dhu. How many Spanish guys does it take to change a lightbulb? Just Juan. A man takes a pair of shoes back to the shop and complains that there is a lace missing. 'No,' argues the assistant, 'look at the label - it says Taiwan .' What's the difference between The Rolling Stones and an Aberdeen sheep farmer? The Rolling Stones say: 'Hey you, get off of my cloud.' And an Aberdeen sheep farmer says: 'Hey McLeod, get off of ma ewe.' What do you call an illegitimate Scottish insect? A wee fly b*****d. What about the Scotsman who lost his testicles in a motorcycle accident? The surgeon re-attached them with Bostik. While being interviewed for a job as a bus driver, a guy is asked: 'What would you do if you had a rowdy passenger?' 'I'd put him off at the next stop,' he says. 'Good. And what would you do if you couldn't get the fare?' 'I'd take the first two weeks in August,' he replies. Two negatives make a positive but only in Scotland do two positives make a negative - 'Aye right.' A Glasgow man - steaming and skint - is walking down Argyle Street when he spots a guy tinkering with the engine of his car. 'What's up, Jimmy?' he asks. 'Piston broke,' he replies. 'Aye, same as masel...'

Still makes me chuckle, been in the collection a while. What a shrewd Doctor

This type of thing really annoys me. It doesn't seem to matter where you park or how much care you take someone always does this sooner or later. I picked up in a car park a couple of weeks back a scratched in Z on the door

Not sure who I could upset here but I'm sure someone will jump out of the woodwork A husband reluctantly agreed to play in the couples' alternate shot tournament at his club. He teed off on the first hole, a par four, and blistered a drive 300 yards down the middle of the fairway. Upon reaching the ball, the husband said to his wife 'Just hit it toward the green, anywhere around there will be fine.' The wife proceeded to shank the ball deep into the woods. Undaunted, the husband said 'That's OK, Sweetheart' and spent the full five minutes looking for the ball. He found it just in time, but in a horrible position. He played the shot of his life to get the ball within two feet of the hole. He told his wife to knock the ball in. His wife then proceeded to knock the ball off the green and into a bunker. Still maintaining composure, the husband summoned all of his skill and holed the shot from the bunker. He took the ball out of the cup and while walking off the green, put his arm around his wife and calmly said, 'Honey, that was a bogey, and that's OK, but I think we can do better on the next hole.' To which she replied, 'Listen arsehole, don't bitch at me, only 2 of those 5 shots were mine.'

Only things I've heard from talking with AA folks about cars were issues with the early ones, especially fuel problems. Would have to go researching just like you are to find out more. Best of luck with the hunt !

Want to go out to the Teahouse for lunch ? Take a mountain trail stroll in China 1st - Let's take the tram up to the start of the trail. Now follow the path. Be sure to hold on to the railing. Keep an eye on the person in front of you. Be very careful when passing someone going in the opposite direction.?? Now just up a few steps. (They are on the left in the picture) Gets a little steeper here - so put your toes in the holes. A few more steps to go. Finally in sight, the Teahouse! The view's great, BUT - Would you do it for a cup of tea ? A big post with all these pictures but thought this quite an amazing walk, I don't know the story behind this place but I'm guessing nothing to do with tea. I've asked the questions and if I get a polite answer I'll update this.

Ahhh, so sweet and sensitive, thank you, I think he's measuring in cms again A good job blondes, Irish, art lovers and others have tougher skin. All meant to be jokes Sorry work is so boring it drove you to that, hope tomorrow is better.

Spot on, but can't see why its posted in Jokes though

Tidy