Q: What's the difference between England and a tea bag?
A: The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
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Q. Why has Maclaren banned his players from owning dogs?
A. Because they can't hang onto a lead.
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The Sultan of Brunei was getting a bit cheesed off as he had 6 children, all girls, and therefore had no son and heir. Imagine his joy then, when one of his wives presented him with his only son and heir.
Just before his son's sixth birthday, the Sultan took him to one side and said, "Son, I am very proud of you. Anything you want, I shall get for you". His son replied, "Daddy, I would like an aeroplane".
Not wanting to do anything by halves, his father bought him British Airways. Just before his son's seventh birthday, the Sultan took him to one side.
"Son, you are my pride and joy. Anything you want, I shall get for you." His son replied, "Daddy, I would like a boat".
Not wanting to do anything by halves, his father bought him P&O Ferries. Just before his son's eight birthday, the Sultan took him to one side. "Son, you bring so much happiness into my life. Anything you want, shall get for you." His son replied, "Daddy, I would like something to watch films on".
Not wanting to do anything by halves, his father bought him MGM Studios and their cinemas, where he watched all his favourite Western Movies. Just before his son's ninth birthday, the Sultan took him to one side. "Son, you are an inspiration to us all. Anything you want, I shall get for you."
His son, who had caught the 'Western' movie bug, replied, "Daddy, I would like a cowboy outfit". Not wanting to do anything by halves, his father went and bought him the England football team.
David Beckham goes shopping and spots a Thermos flask. 'What's that for ?' he says. 'It's to keep hot things hot and cold things cold,' says the salesman. Beckham buys one and takes it home to show Posh. 'It's to keep hot things hot and cold things cold,' he says. 'You ought to take it to work,' she tells him. So he takes it in to training the following day. 'What've you got there, son?' asks Sir Alex. 'It's to keep hot things hot and cold things cold,' says David. 'That's a good idea,' says the manager. 'What have you got in it?' 'Coffee,' says David. 'And some ice cream
David Beckham is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a tragedy.
One little boy stands up and offers that if my best friend who lives next door was playing in the street and a car came along and killed him that would be a tragedy.
"No," Beckham says, "that would be an accident."
A girl raises her hand and says, "If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved, that would be a tragedy."
"I'm afraid not," explains Beckham. "That is what we would call a great loss."
The room is silent, none of the children volunteer.
"What?" asks Beckham, "Isn't there any one here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"
Finally a boy in the back raises his hand.
In a timid voice, he says "If an airplane carrying David Beckham was blown up by a bomb, that would be a tragedy."
Beckham beams. "Marvellous! And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?"
"Well," says the boy, "because it wouldn't be an accident and it certainly wouldn't be a great loss!"
Will be watching from behind the settee