Dan

I deleted her number last week, but sadly in moments of weakness I can remember it

The problem is she was my best pal, it's bad enough losing my "lover" but to lose my best pal too would be horrible. I think I'll try staying pals and see what happens. But she has to want that too or it won't work.

On the bright side I feel much MUCH better today. Her telling me she is never coming back has really helped a lot somehow. I'm no longer sat here hoping for that day to come and I think I have actually started to look forward instead of back. Strange, but true !

Thanks for all the support and PMs guys.

Anyone for a group hug

Stay away Dan, she's messing you both about. If she's with him, she shouldn't be texting you. You could never trust her again. I haven't stayed friends with any exes it doesn't work. Let it go.

I know thats how it looks Nixy but she isn't like that at all. She is very loving and I know it must have been really hard for her to end it with me because she knew I would be devastated. She wasn't cheating, she was just struggling to tell me and didn't want me hurt. Honestly, she isn't a bad person at all.

It just seems such a waste after spending a wonderful year together, sharing so much love and happy memories, to not even be friends seems so silly. I think I'll try my best to be her pal but it's going to take both of us to want that to make it work. I really want to keep an eye on her and make sure she is ok. I can't stop caring about her, I can't just switch my feelings off after all this time.

At least if we stay good friends it wasn't a complete waste of time.

Once I accept that she is never coming back, and I have accepted that, I don't see why the friendship won't work. Sure I'll be upset now and then knowing she is with him, but it's gotta be better than never talking to her again.

I'm such a chuffing idiot !

After she said she wasn't going to come back to me we decided to stay friends, so I just called her for a chat.

She said hello, I said hello, she hung up.

I tried to call again and got answerphone.

Then I got a text saying "I'm with Martyn".

OUCH !!!

What a nutter I am for ringing.

Why did I do that ???

Ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch !!!

i was distraught after i left my ex, especially since we were meant to be getting married next month and already had a little one together.

Wow, thats gotta be worse than what I'm going through !

I'm glad things worked out for you mate

I won't be looking for a while, wounds to lick and all that. I need to get my confidence back as this has been quite a blow and I wasn't exactly over confident to begin with.

Last update on this - so I can move on

I cracked. I text'd her last night and we ended up texting till 2am.

I begged, I pleaded, I declared my undying love.

And she said she just didn't feel the same and couldn't be with me anymore. Even if things don't work out with her ex she won't be coming back to me.

At least I know, I can stop hoping and move on.

So I will.

She was the one for me, but I wasn't the one for her, so no point harping on about it. I can't change, someone will love me as I am, one day.

Thanks to you all for the support.

Now pass me the fast forward controller

Dont worry dude, just try and resist mate its gonna be hard

It's just I'm sure we were right together and she has left for the wrong reason. I'm sure it can be sorted out. I just need her to know my feelings are genuine, in case there was any doubt in her mind. It was complicated with the kids and the distance etc but nothing that couldn't have been sorted out, I'm just not totally sure she knew I meant everything I said, if you know what I mean. I'm just making my position totally clear before it's too late and she slips away forever. You just never know !

PMSL

You guys are nuts !!!

Yeah, I'm a 20 stone powerlifter, I do spend the odd hour in the gym, sadly the only Lycra I see is on large sweaty men which isn't very appealing

I'm taking the kids and their Mum to Tenerife at the end of August which will be fun.

I've been a silly boy and sent my girl a few emails today. I dunno when she will read them but I think I kind of begged her to come back. Couldn't help myself, I really love her. A guys gotta try !!!

Gemma is 10, Lewis is 8.

They haven't got time for their Daddy, they are out with their friends all the time

We have a Quad that Lewis and I play on together, Gemma likes being with her Mummy or talking to her boyfriend on the phone !!!

DO NOT GET TEMPTED TO CALL HER OR TEXT HER FOOLING YOURSELF THAT YOU JUST WANT TO KNOW IF SHE IS OKAY WHEN REALLY YOU WANT TO KNOW IF SHE IS COMING BACK !!!

Clever bugger, talk about reading between the lines !

You know me better than I do

Special effects look amazing, I'll probably go see that.

My boy will love it.

Dan, thats exactly the same situation I was in...... I lost a girlfriend, my best friend and the woman that I thought I was going to be with for the rest of my life, have kids the works

Thats exactly where I was, I thought we were forever. We had both said it was forever, it seems only one of us really meant it ! She was so cute, she would say forver and ever and ever and ever...and then keep saying it for about 3 minutes

I had no idea we had problems big enough to end the relationship, and it hurts me that rather than talking to me she just left instead. I'm sure we could have worked things out, I would have done anything.

I am half certain she got scared, because we were at the "serious commitment" stage although she said she wanted to settle, have kids the whole thing I can't help thinking she got cold feet.

My circumstances are slightly complicated, I have kids from a previous relationship and live in Blackburn, she lived in Glasgow so there were issues about her moving down here etc because my business is down here, although I employ people to run my business so me moving there wasn't out of the question.

Her ex is just very convenient, she can see him every night, even move in with him like she did before without making any commitment and "just see what happens" !

I think he somehow weasled his way back into her life because he just lives around the corner and I'm 3 hours away. Perhaps I didn't see her enough, but she only had to say so and I would have been there more.

I just wish she had talked to me and let us work it out. I guess it's obvious she had more problems than I was aware of and decided it wouldn't work out !

What hurts me most is how quickly she ended up back in his bed, it can't have been more than a week since she last slept with me and I really can't understand that after we were so close and so much in love. It makes me wonder if I ever really meant anything to her at all.

Ah well, I really mustn't dwell any longer, I need to take my mind off her. You have all been great and I appreciate it.

Top blokes, the lot of you.

Thank you very much

I think the biggest problem I have is that when people say talk it through with a "friend", she is the person I would have talked it through with

I've lost my best pal too

when one person still has feelings for the other then it is never going to work because you will always think perhaps you still have a chance of getting back together.

Go your separate ways and keep your chin up sir

Thats exactly how I feel, I still feel exactly the same as I always did. She says she will love me forever, but in a different way. I said I was quite happy with the old way, thank you very much

She says she has to get her ex out of her system and give him a proper chance to see if there is anything still there between them. It's strange that she feels she has to sleep with him to find this out !

Anyway, thanks for all the advice, I think it's time to move on

PMSL, cheers Zedrush.

Yeah, I'm checking my phone 2 or 3 times a minute hoping for a text from the minute I wake up to the last thing before I go to sleep. It's really eating me and I really do think I have to cut her off completely to get over her. I'm not sure about meeting anyone else just yet, I'll need some time before I'm ready to let anyone else get close.

Thanks lads.

Thats absolutely brilliant guys, I really appreciate you all taking the time to reply. I am wrestling with things in my head just now. She told me last Sunday and I spoke to her every day last week and basically pleaded with her to reconsider and come back. Then I learned she was back with him 6 weeks ago - her birthday - and realised it was too late. At first I was angry with her for keeping this from me. We speak every day and she never said a word about this, but I accept that she was trying to protect me from being hurt, in her own way. Anyway, by Friday I realised I should give her a chance at being happy with her ex - and give me a chance to cool off - so I asked her not to contact me. I've not heard from her since Friday morning and I'm dying to text her to make sure she is OK but I really want to wait and see if she will text me first. This is the longest we have been out of contact in the last 18 months.

I'm alone and hurting, she is with her ex and maybe I don't even cross her mind. At least by not contacting her she might just start to miss me and contact me because she really wants to, and not just because she feels sorry for me.

I hate this stuff, it's almost enough to stop you getting close to anyone again !

This is very off topic I know, just want some opinions.

My girlfriend just split with me after 18 months together. She has gone back to her ex, who she was with for 3.5 years. It turns out she has been back with him for 6 weeks, but she says she just couldn't bring herself to tell me because she knew I would be upset. I believe her, because she is a very loving girl I really don't think she intended to keep things from me.

Anyway, she says she wants to stay friends forever and keep in touch on a daily basis with texts and phone calls, however every time I speak to her I get upset and can't help picturing her with him. I think it might be better to just let her go rather than keeping in touch. My problem is I still love her and would take her back in a heartbeat, so every time I talk to her I'm telling her I love her etc and trying to get her to give us another chance to sort things out. This obviously won't be helping her much and I really want her to be happy, so if she is going to be happy with him I should let her get on with it and stop messing with her head but I can't help being selfish because I miss her so much.

Whats the general consensus, is it easier to let go completely or is it good to stay in touch ?

Thanks guys ( and gals ! ).

7 weeks of continual rain here, plenty of houses flooded etc.

We only really have August left and then it will be Winter.

On the bright side anybody that mentions Global Warming now will make themselves look pretty foolish !

We always give a courtesy wash and vac, but we would not if the customer asked us not to. The wife and I are car enthusiasts, thats why we started this business, so dropped Chammys and Sponges are put in the bin ! We won't use one of those plastic blade type devices either. I have seen those things make a right mess of a car when a few bits of grit get stuck on the blade.

I wasn't a fan of the old car but the new one looks stunning.

Actually, I do know what happens in that instance. They try to prosecute me as the business owner whether or not I was the driver, so I write a stroppy letter about how I have tried to help them and to prosecute me for a crime I didn't commit is perverting the course of justice etc and they drop it.

Totally immoral, but what happens if you say it was a test drive and you don't have the drivers details???? ...as i said totally immoral

I have absolutely no idea what would happen if you said that, it would practically give you carte blanche to get away with speeding tickets which as you say would be totally immoral and I could never condone such antics