Emperor Ming

Here: http://www.performancemotorcare.com/aca ... uiars.html scroll down Halfrauds also sell it mate. Meguiars I think!! Ming the Polisher

Changing your oil is dead easy. There are two or three bolts on a flap in the plastic under tray that give access to the oil filter. This comes loose with a decent sized pair of mole grips (A filter strap would do it but one of those three legged things that fits on the end is no good as the filter is very small) The hardest thing is checking the level with the dip stick. Good luck Ming the Spanner wielder

DON'T USE A SPONGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Use something like a mitt or one of those covered sponges that halfords sell with twisted dreads. It is the smoothness and roughness of modern artificial sponges that causes the damage in my opinion. Swirl marks are caused by sponges and agressive polishing and can be easily and successfully avoided. My car has only seen polish once since I bought it and that was after the initial clay barring. Since then it only gets WAX The surface of the paint is still 'baby's bottom' smooth and dirt drops off with a hose and a mitt. Also. Don't use washing up liquid. It it is too strong and can take off all the wax and/or polish that you so lovingly put on the week before. Ming the Careful PS Carnuba WAX when used properly ROCKS in my humble opinion

Quick update. Nose is loads better thanks. Just Red and swollen. Ming the Rudolph impersonator

Quietly enjoying my Saturday off when i get a phone call from my son asking if i could help him take down a wooden stables that he has bought. Now this leaves me with a choice. Help my lad and his mate do boy things, swear, break things and have a right good laugh or Go shopping with Mrs Ming A split second later and i am in the car and on my way. The stables turn out to be like a small bleedin BARN Oh well of we set pulling things down and shifting stuff. things are going well and al the bolts are coming out fine when I get the one that wont. Lots of pulling tugging and screaming later it eventually snaps off. No problem other than that I manage to drag my finger all along the plank of wood. OOOOOOOoooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!! F**KIN 'ELL F**KIN 'ELL F**KIN 'ELL F**KIN 'ELL F**KIN 'ELL goes the response!! When all is done its not too bad and back we go with gusto The roof is held on with bolts as well and it drops to me, as the tallest, to pull the top ones out. Using my best claw happer I tap them through from one side and then pull them out from the other. All except one. This one is right above me head and doeasn't want to shift. Pull. swear. Pull lots harder and BANG I hit myself on the bridge of the nose as hard as I can with the butt of the hammer. I thought I had broken my own nose (Who in the hell would believe that) Then it started to bleed. Then it started to hurt. Then THEY started to LAUGH!!!!! Stupid. You chuffin bet!! Ming the swollen

?????????????????Polished plenum ... poop. Purple plenum Pic Posting Person pleeeaaase!! Ming the Muddled

Stevie Ming here AGREEING with you. Wheels on a fighter just turn. There is no drive. They in theory actually SLOW an aircrafts take off as they generate both heat and friction there by initially slowing forward motion. Rotating wheels have no effect on lift. As you rightly say the plane would still move forwards and the wheels would just turn twice as fast!! The thrust of an engine is on the air behind it not the ground below it! If the theory of conveyor belt and aircraft held true then a Harrier jump jet would never fly!! It goes up. Stops, and then goes forwards with no contact with the floor! Ming the Thoughtful

Traffic cars have had these fitted for about 5 or 6 years to my knowledge mate As for the ANPR stuff I have worked a few of these and the plate reader cannot detect speeding offences. It reads the plate and checks on several data bases to see if there is any info criminal or otherwise that makes the vehicle worth a stop. The equipment is quite different. They usually (not always) look for a place where cars are committed to coming past and where there is a decent layby or similar to pull folk in!! Ming the advice giver

Since Mings proper title is Emperor Ming I actually looked at M11NG. E. Then realised it would ready MIINGE !!!! He Stevie How about N4STY Or B4LDY As for the border. A simple grey line right round and 'Emperor Ming' on the bottom I think! On a more serious note as for the legality I thought long and hard about this issue. I dod not want to seem to hypocritical by getting a silly plate. the only thing wrong with the plate is the spacings and these are only slightly out. It would take a proper traffic taliban to issue a ticket for that. Blimey we caution people for burglary for gods sake. Ming the considered

"First crop ... gonna smoke all of it cos its cheaper .... didn't know they got that big" etc etc etc etc All the old bollox!! The plants were that thick at the base I had to go and buy a SAW to cut them down Guess a lumberjack shirt is the right thing to wear then!! Ming the Punisher I like that!! I can see that on a tee shirt.

Just a couple of pics showing Mr Ming at work Heres me about to 'harvest' someone elses crop. 7 1/2 feet tall they were too!!!!!!! All my clothes had to be boil washed to shift the smell!! Heres me during a raid on a house for 'E' and cannabis - successful as well - . the hat was put on to convince them I was who I said I was as no body believed me even though I had a load of uniform lads and lasses working for me that day!! Ming the Photogenic

Hi Guys Decided to treat myself to a new set of plates. Wanted something that I could keep as and when I change my car. The last couple I had went with the car as they were car related. Settled for these in the end. Theplates are a temporary item until I can get some made up as I want them (Nice plain border and a little logo underneath is all I am doing. and the front plate slightly shallower) but they dont look to bad. Comments Ming the pleased

Prime Mingister I tell you mate there are some guys I know and together we would sort out this country in six months or get assassinated trying!! Ming the Flattered

Cut and pasted from the telegraph and on the news today!!!!!! Government windfall for criminal drug addicts By Neil Tweedie and PA Last Updated: 6:48pm GMT 13/11/2006 Nearly 200 criminals who were forced to stop taking heroin in jail have won payouts from the Prison Service, it was confirmed tonight. A spokeswoman said the Home Office had "reluctantly" settled out of court to save the full cost of defending a test case involving six prisoners and former prisoners, brought under human rights laws. The Tories accused the Government of suffering a "massive failure of political nerve" in not fighting the case in the High Court. advertisementThe inmates, who were dependent either on heroin or the heroin substitute methadone, claimed they suffered "trespass" and clinical negligence by the Prison Service in being forced to endure short, sharp detoxification programmes. They were said by their lawyers to be upset by the short time they were allowed to stay on opiate drugs while on remand or following the start of sentences. They alleged breaches under Article 3 of the European Convention on Human Rights, which bans torture and inhuman or degrading treatment; Article 8, which protects private life; and Article 14, which prohibits discrimination. Their case was funded by taxpayers through legal aid. David Davis, the shadow home secretary, said the decision to settle stemmed from the Government's desire to avoid the embarrassment of being defeated by its own Human Rights Act, which incorporates the convention into English Law. He said that the case set a "disastrous" precedent. Ann Widdecombe, the former Tory prisons minister, said: "It's an insult to every victim and every law abiding person. "As far as I'm concerned there is no human right to continue a drug habit when you go to prison." Now stop me if I am wrong but isn't taking drugs AGAINST THE LAW!!!!!!!! The prison service has to pay prisoners money - potentially lots of money - for stopping them committing offences, or for not giving them drugs to help them recover from the effects of committing offences. I have said this before but anyone who goes to jail is an OUTLAW. the literal meaning of this word is 'Outside of the law' EVERY LAW in my books so Human Rights and all other RIGHTS go out of the window. did they consider the human rights of the person they stole the car from or whose house they burgled or, or, or, or. Of course they didn't. worse still, because so many addicts, or ex addicts, are overdosing fatally when they come out of prison the prisons are considering 're-toxifying them before they come out so that first hit of an ILLEGAL BLEEDIN' DRUG does not kill them. We are all sentient free thinking beings who make our own decisions, including our decision to take drugs and we should suffer the consequences of those decisions accordingly. Wait until one of these 're-toxified' prisoners sues the prison for getting them back onto drugs!! that should be good for a giggle. I am absolutely disgusted. Ming the Infuriated

Read this guy on the topic of traction wheel size etc. www.chris-longhurst.com The answer is proably 'yes and no' A lot could depend on the conditions for instance. Fat tyres easily aquaplane whilst pizza cutters do exactly that ' cut through'. There is an arguement that talks about 'footprints' and suggests that inside the extremes of tyres the rubber on the surface contacting the road is the same in a fat tyre as a thin tyre if pressure and car weight are the same. Generally though in dry conditions I would say wider wheels PLUS wider tyres will improve traction. Ming the thought provoking

Polished SO HARD the light reflects so well it dissappears. First 'cloaked' Zed. Ming the daft

look else where mate 200x nissan pads fit a treat and pattern ones are pennies. I copper greased mine and they have been great!! Ming the Grease monkey

Hi Mate When I got my import - non brembo braked version - I had trouble finding pads but found that 200x pads on the front were wexactly the same and consequently LOADS cheaper. I am sure that there are lots and lots of places that do performance upgrades for the 200x so look about for them. i have the code of the pad i used if that helps you. I am GUESSING that if the pads fit then the callipers will be the same and as a lot of the early 350zs were parts bin specials there is a fair bet the discs will be th same as well. Try asking Nissan for the equivalent part numbers and see what transpires. I am lucky in that:- A. my discs were Ok and B. I have a real friendly autmotive shop nearby who are happy to order bits to SEE if they are right and send 'em back if they 'aint!! How good is that!! My rear pad will be due soon so I am going to check up on compatability for them as well. Ming the Pretty Certain

I had a special one off metal front cover made that initially looked great then I looked more clsoely and the more I looked the less i liked it and so on. Suffice to say that attempt one went into the bin!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have had another idea for the cover but Mrs Ming has dedicated my next weekend to DECORATING!!!!!!!!! i have also to look into the braided steel piping issue. Unfortunately time is precious at the moment - oh and the weather is SH**E!! Have no fear plenty of stuff is on the cards and poor old H5 has got to sort his gearbox first. Ming the Busy PS Just got NINE boxes of flat pack for the study

JDK Gunmetal Grey. Still happy with it. Ming the Import man

You posed the question so the least I could do was reply What some people fail to appreciate is that unlike an awful lot of other professions a police officer is someone who can affect your life WHETHER YOU WANT THEM TO OR NOT. (If you don't like your mechanic you go elsewhere but bobbies tend to turn up and impose themselves upon you when you least expect it - 'just a little bit over the speedlimit'. ) As such a lot of normal people have negative thoughts about us. If I had a pound for every time people said' Shouldn't you be out catching burglars/rapists/drink drivers/drug addicts etc etc etc (Each one always manages to find one offence outside the one he or she is accused of) I would have retired ages ago. What then happens is you get the ACAB syndrome (ALL coppers are Bast*rds) After a while this rankles a bit because we aint!! What we are is the thin blue line between your comfortable suburban life style and ANARCHY!! If you want to say PC So And So or Sgt So And So are bast*rds then please do so but dont go down the ALL line. Hell in hind sight it probably was a RANT but we are all entitled to get a little protective. Anyway remember EVERYONE called Steve or Stevie is a TOSS*R Ming the Joking (Thought i better add that as well)

If you want them at the end of your road phone up and tell 'em. they will i am sure be there within the week. Dont moan though when you are the first one they catch - a bloke on our street did exactly that - cos it might just happen. It is, however, a famous fast stretch with long bend . And you are SURPRISED that they are there. and obviously a cash-rich area The police don't get, and never have got, any money back from speed enforcement other than the maintainance of the equipment - a peanut sized piece of all monies levied. If you don't wanna get caught, don't speed and if you do get caught DON'T MOAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Its like seeing a sign on a shop door that says all shop lifters will be prosecuted and then posting up that the store detectives are all fascists because you only stole a cheese sandwich worth £1:50. Each is a law and each is KNOWINGLY broken. I know this might rile up a few but its true. Whether we like it or not speeding is AGAINST THE LAW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Its not as if we dont know. (I add the WE in there because like every other road user I do at times flout the speed limit.) Ming the Wound up AFAIK there's never been an accident on the fast curve - its not a tight bend, its a lovely curvy back road heading towards the motorway. I can think of a number of places where there have been deaths, sometimes multiple, on roads that have no cameras and I've never seen any plod there. The lack of consistency matched to the ridiculous way of making criminals of honest people for going a small amount over a speed limit (set by whom...) and then generating vast amounts of money out of thos honest people - while the uninsured, unlicensed scum get away - all adds insult to injury. If those police guns / scameras / whatever could detect unlicensed, untaxed, illegal drivers then I would be all for that! Leave us hard working honest folk alone! Lets look a little closer. AFAIK Yes. As far as YOU know!! Contact the speed regulation people and ask to see the stats. You MIGHT be surprised. If you are right then politely point them in the direction of the trouble spots that in YOUR OPINION they should police. It is of note that the police as an organisation are hell bent on being customer driven. If enough people make a noise or a few people make enough noise then things get prioritised and targets get set. If you feel that strongly, and it appears that you do, then save some of that angst that you fire on here and fire it at the above. They will eventually have to take note. As i have said before a lot of speed enforcement, camera's, speed traps, enforcement camera vans etc are, at least in my area civilian run. it is only motorway cops now that are actually cops!! The lack of consistency matched to the ridiculous way of making criminals of honest people for going a small amount over a speed limit (set by whom...) and then generating vast amounts of money out of thos honest people - while the uninsured, unlicensed scum get away - all adds insult to injury. I think i have covered the lack of consistency. As for the ridiculous way of making criminals of honest people for going a small amount over a speed limit it is obvious, or should be, that motoring convictions ARE NOT classed as criminal convictions. If they were then you would have to declare them to prospective employers and it would prevent people from joining the emergency services and cause them to be sacked if caught committing whilst in service. I do have a modicum of sympathy with your feelings if i am honest and think - personally - that there is too much emphasis on speed enforcement IN THE WRONG PLACES.I know that this subject has been done to death many times before but outside schools during school times you could make it 15mph for me and enforce it with a rod of iron. On a motorway on a sunny Sunday evening when it is both open and clear I can see no reason why 100mph is not a safe speed. If this regulated then people would i feel be a lot more understanding about the lower limits. I also have sympathy with the working Joe who gets caught doing 55 in a 30 which COULD be a 50 and gets 6 points a one month ban and a £500 fine. Only to see Joe Heroin Addict walk in behind him for no docs, no licence, and twenty previous convictions for motoring offences and get a £100 fine and a one month ban. It isn't right but also it isn't the polices fault either. We as an organisation have a duty to uphold the law. speed limit (set by whom...) The government mate. As vote for by you, and all your mates, and all their mates, and all their mates, mates. Don't like it? Vote for someone who will change it. (If you can find someone) or get yourself into a position where YOU can do something about it! Many a law has been changed by someonoe brave enough to challenge it in the right arena. European Court of human rights anyone for the breach of your right to travel at any speed you wish. Hmmm Worth I thought! stranger things have happened. Stevie 350z in government Stevie 350z the saviour of all performance car drivers takes the UK to the Hague. What a story. Can I come and watch!! while the uninsured, unlicensed scum get away - all adds insult to injury Nothing gives me personally more satisfaction than watching one of these that you so eloquently describe lose his licence and sometimes go to jail. If those police guns / scameras / whatever could detect unlicensed, untaxed, illegal drivers then I would be all for that! As others have said the ANPR - for a while a closely guarded secret I might add - can and does detect no insurance, no MOT and any know criminal intelligence against the registration number which includes suspicion of disqualified driving etc. My little town has a ring of cameras around it that operate ANPR and our CCTV operators monitor them and pass out any useful info within seconds of it coming to light. Leave us hard working honest folk alone 35 in a 30. Taking home a few pens from the office. Using the works van to move a wardrobe. Falling out with your mate and having a 'friendly' punch up. .................................................... Beating up your wife. Burgling your neighbours house. Killing some one. Where is the line??????? The reason the good old English bobby has such high regard accross the world is that he can and does and in law is still expected to use his discretion. (Thats where Mr 'I've got a job' gets a bollocking and Mr 'I've never had a job and furthermore DON'T WANT ONE' gets made the subject of summons process. In this one you have just got to trust me ) However ALL of the above are potentially criminal offences. The only truely 'honest' folk amongst us would have done 'none of the above'. It doesn't include me and i am sure it doesn't include you. Wow what a lengthy reply. Ooo eva said coppas woz fick. All those clever words and most of them spelt properly Ming the Etymologist PS For all the internet enforcers out there hovering on my every word. These are my own personal opinions and in no way represent the opinions of the police as an organisation. (Thought I better stick that in incase )

Hi Mate If only it was that easy - and I agree it should be - but as an analogy - if you were a mechanic in a garage and you were snowed under with cars queuing at the door you would not go into the sales room and get one of the salesmen to come and fit a clutch. You both work for the garage but in different departments. Traffic officers have certain responsibilities and beat officers others. Schools bobbies and there are now very few of them different still and Neighbourhood bobbies lifestyle issues. If you take any one away from their core role - whether you personally think it is important or not SOMEONE does - then that role suffers and someone says. My mother in law nearly got knocked down the other day and you are doing nothing at all about speeding etc etc. i am sure you get my drift. The root cause, in my own personal humble opinion, is the removal of corporal punishment in all our establishments. It has bred a generation or two now of people with no respect - through a lack of fear - of anyone or anything - the law included. We have no punishment worth a salt and we are so leant towards helping the offender that we long ago forgot the victim and the other victims - those affected by the problems caused by our errant youth. I know i have got slightly side tracked but my point is do not blame traffic officers - and bear in mind speed enforcement is now predominantly a civilian 'policed' department - for youth nuisance no more than you would blame a schools bobby for a burglary at a ware house or a fatal RTA on the motorway. Ming the Explainer

If you want them at the end of your road phone up and tell 'em. they will i am sure be there within the week. Dont moan though when you are the first one they catch - a bloke on our street did exactly that - cos it might just happen. It is, however, a famous fast stretch with long bend . And you are SURPRISED that they are there. and obviously a cash-rich area The police don't get, and never have got, any money back from speed enforcement other than the maintainance of the equipment - a peanut sized piece of all monies levied. If you don't wanna get caught, don't speed and if you do get caught DON'T MOAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Its like seeing a sign on a shop door that says all shop lifters will be prosecuted and then posting up that the store detectives are all fascists because you only stole a cheese sandwich worth £1:50. Each is a law and each is KNOWINGLY broken. I know this might rile up a few but its true. Whether we like it or not speeding is AGAINST THE LAW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Its not as if we dont know. (I add the WE in there because like every other road user I do at times flout the speed limit.) Ming the Wound up

Mr Mings car camw with a FREE Fujitsubo exhaust. Sound good. nice and quiet on tick over and gets louder to a good old roar as you give it some!. Looks great and polishes up like brand spanking new. Quality is top notch as well with good welds all round. Apparently Fujitsubo are the biggest exhaust manufacturer in Japan and make lots of Race Stuff. Just for the uninitiated Ming the VERY happy