I assume this is tongue in cheek?
Crows are protected under the Wildlife and Countryside Act 1981.
You can only kill them if they are causing a serious agricultural of public health threat. And even then you need a license.
Er, the Act does not protect Crows, Pigeons or some Gulls:
"There are instances when you would not be in violation of the Wildlife and Countryside Act 1981. For example, it’s not usually necessary to apply for a specific licence for species such as crows, pigeons and some members of the gull family."
see under " Managing Wild Birds" : https://www.gov.uk/wild-birds
I found this out talking with neighbours as there ar a lot of Gulls and pigeons in our area and their crap is something to be believed .......
Hmmmmm.
RSBP advise differently.