lack of Virgins is most upsetting.
The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number
of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death will be cut
this April from 72 to only 40. The rationale for the cut was the
increase in recent years of the number of suicide bombings and a
subsequent shortage of virgins in the afterlife.
The suicide bombers' union, the British Organisation of Occupational
Martyrs (or B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement that this was
unacceptable to its members, and immediately balloted for strike
action. General Secretary Abdulla Bul Bul Amir told the press, "Our
members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of
Jihad. We don't ask for much in return, but to be treated like this is
like a kick in the teeth".
Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands, England in
which he currently resides, an Al Qaeda chief executive explained, "We
sympathise with our workers' concerns, but Al Qaeda is simply not in a
position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the
realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace.. Thanks to
Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the
afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditure and
laying people off. I don't like cutting wages, but I'd hate to have to
tell 3,000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up".
Spokesmen for the union in Newcastle, Bradford, Middlesbrough, Glasgow
and all Australia stated that they would be unaffected as there are no
virgins in these areas anyway.
Apparently, the drop in the number of suicide bombings has been
largely put down to the emergence of the Scottish singing star, Susan
Boyle. Now that Muslims know what a virgin looks like, they are not so
keen now on going to paradise.