ioneabee

+1 too many rocks or not enough tank

SMD, buys a new automatic Jaguar XKR Sport. He drives the car perfectly well during the day, but at night, the car just won't move at all. After trying to drive the car at night for a week (but without any luck), he furiously calls the Jaguar dealers and they send out a technician to him. The technician examines the car and finds nothing wrong with it. So he turns to SMD and asks: "Sir, are you sure you are using the right gears?" Full of anger, SMD replies: "You fool, you idiot, how on earth could you ask such a question? I'm not stupid you know! Of course I am using the right gears; I use D during the day and N at night."

out of interest - do they naturally stay that shiny, or do you coat them with something ?

you obviously drink red bull - 'cos you has wings

I once added "cycling proficiency badge" to mine - it didn't get the response I was hoping for

:lol:

added I think that puts you furthest west by quite a margin now I wonder who we can get who's furthest south

"with deepest sympathy"

thats because you haven't sent me your location .......+ I will have to expand the map out just a touch

thats 59 now

Remember my neighbour with the X5 - asked him whether he'd bought something from you yet - he said he's gonna get christmas out of the way and then go for it - so looks like you're still in with a shout

mines a daily and never gets put to bed but I do caress her and cover her in lotion a lot

amended that for you

you chased those mice away - good job

Bloke at a horse race whispers to Paddy next to him "Do you want the winner of the next race ?" Paddy replies "No tanks, I've only got a small garden." A coach load of paddys on a mystery tour decided to run a sweepstake to guess where they were going. The driver won £52 ! Paddy's racing snail is not winning races anymore. So he decided to take it's shell off to reduce it's weight and make him more aerodynamic. It didn't work, if anything it made him more sluggish. Paddy finds a sandwich with two wires stickin out of it. He phones the police and says "Bejesas I've just found a sandwich dat looks like a bomb." The operator asks, "is it tickin ?" Paddy says "No I tink it's beef" The Irish have solved their own fuel problems. They imported 50 million tonnes of sand from the Arabs and they're going to drill for their own oil. Paddy says to Mick "Christmas is on a Friday this year" Mick says "Let's hope it's not the 13th." Paddy's in the bathroom and Murphy shouts to him. "Did you find the shampoo ?" Paddy says "Yes but it's for dry hair and I've just wet mine." Paddy and Mick found three hand grenades and decided to take them to the police station. Mick says "What if one explodes before we get there ?" Paddy replies "We'll lie and say we only found two !" Paddy goes to the vet with his goldfish. "I think it's got epilepsy" he tells the vet. Vet takes a look and says "It seems calm enough to me." Paddy says "I haven't taken it out of the ----------- bowl yet Paddy spies a letter lying on the doormat. It says on the envelope 'DO NOT BEND '. Paddy spends the next two hours trying to figure out how to pick the letter up. Paddy's dog goes missing and he's inconsolable. His wife says "Why don't you put an advert in the paper". He does but two weeks later the dog is still missing. "What did you put in the paper" his wife asks.. "Here Boy" he replies. Paddy's in jail. The Guard looks in and sees him hanging by his feet. "What the hell are you doing" he asks. "Hanging myself" Paddy replies. "It should be round your neck" says the Guard. "I know" says Paddy "But I couldn't breathe...... An American tourist asks Paddy "Why do scuba divers always fall backwards off their boat ?". Paddy replies 'If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat.....

beautiful colour

ah, yes - so add 555 miles round trip and 10.5 hours driving time (in a straight dash up the M4, round london and back again) at say £150 for fuel + time I'll also need a new set of tyres by the time I get back home again

thought you'd managed to find wifey Number ??, hence no sign of you

where from ? camskill are quoting £1138.96

available on camskill

Once I get the damn locking nuts off - am thinking of these - anyone tried them ?

FTW = for the win. or FTW = (insert naughty word here) the world

ok - email sent to dealer - wait and see now