Tarmac@TarmacSportz

Lesson 1: A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob , the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.' After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob , after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?' 'It was Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies. 'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?' Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure. Lesson 2: A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.' Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.' Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity. Lesson 3: A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.' 'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.' Puff! She's gone. 'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.' Puff! He's gone.. 'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.' Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say. Lesson 4 An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?' The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.' So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it. Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up. Lesson 5 A turkey was chatting with a bull. 'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.' 'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.' The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree. Moral of the story: Bull @*!# might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there... Lesson 6 A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him. Moral of the story: (1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy. (2) Not everyone who gets you out of @*!# is your friend. (3) And when you're in deep @*!#, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

Don't rub it in then

Cheers Darren Cheers Work Access Denied by Websense (policy_denied) Websense has denied access to the requested URL because of its content categorization: "Internet Radio and TV;Bandwidth" For assistance, contact your network support team

Dam... missed it... anyone know if its on sky anytime ???

Oh oh We so need a paper in Uk that says it how it is... Imagine what this paper would say about Katie Price !!! Vile Slapper slags about no wonder she's ....... I left the last bit blank as all the latest controversy on this site is scaring me

Ahem cough cough First ive seen of this thread Mr Husky....... I will await your apology in good time PM sent Paul

Ha ha, quality... this is me at work too !!! I starsky in and out of mine, however I am a bit of a clumsy git and when the space is to tight I have banged my head a couple of times... even my chin once which really hurt.... we've all done it though right ????

Dam That's another scam I'd have fallen for !! I've nearly been conned a couple of times On eBay by nigerians. Makes me real angry

No no no, not my Zed... I sold an STI " someone said it was chavvy " and I needed a stop gap car for a few weeks so I bought a car off a guy who does courier work for me. It was just a crappy MG ZR that I paid 2.5k for... anyway... 6 weeks down the line I went to trade it in for a CTR and the garage offered me 1k for it (and told me it was a Cat D) Luckily cos I knew the guy and he didnt want to lose any custom from me he gave me a full refund and took the car back... My example was me being naive, i should have done a check but i trusted the guy, he didnt know either he had just started buying and selling a few auction cars... The whole Cat C Cat D thing is personal preference... as a rule I personally stay clear ' apart from this time ' ... thats not to say theres anything wrong with yours or anyone elses... I just don't like the idea of owning a car thats been shunned as I dont think you truely no if its affected the integrity of the car plus it can be harder to sell them on. On the flip side you can get some great bargains Each to their own and all that

+1 on the wheels they are gash Personal opinion after unknowingly owning a Cat D car for 6 weeks is to steer clear from them... If your planning on driving it into the ground then fine but resale is a bit of a nightmare im afraid... Up to you at the end of the day tho buddy..

Welcome to the forum bud

Ha ha, I love your way of thinking Dude Dam truck drivers Quality

Ermmm......Ok, i'll give them a go! HAHA! I'm still up there mate, hopefully get these bought and on straight away when i get back! Man i'm excited! Awesome !!!!

Yep UK car never had a sensor on my windscreen its that white box thing attached to the sunglasses holder they are refering to. Mmm sounds like its a fault with the Sat Nav then... Don't know the law but surely if you can prove you complained about it while under warranty then you should have the law with you.. Hope you can sort it bud

mmm sounds weird... Unless there was a tiny aerial in the windscreen ? When I had my JDM windscreen replaced they had to replace like for like... there is a tiny aerial embedded in the windcreen on the left hand side... im pretty sure they said that was for the satnav even tho I dont have one... Could be totally wrong and he is just telling you bull ? Is it a UK car ?

Not a fan of blending.... got to be a great sprayer and great colour match to get away with it.... Oh and....

Great thread Nurrish Love this kind of stuff, don't know why I just find crashes very interesting I personally think I would have survived all these with merely a grazed elbow and slight whiplash !

ENGLAND You just picked a bad part 'Coventry' If its Snow you want North Derbyshire and the peak district always gets it

It was probably a shot or he miscontrolled the initial pass !! ( as I said , I'll take an awful lot of convincing that he's a player ). Mmm - not a bad career IMO Years Club Apps†(Gls)†1996–2004 Liverpool 216 (118) 2004–2005 Real Madrid 35 (13) 2005–2009 Newcastle United 71 (26) 2009– Manchester United 4 (2) National team‡ 1997 England U20 4 (3) 1997 England U21 1 (1) 2006–2007 England B 2 (0) 1998– England 89 (40

Ha ha

Awesome pics

me personally i use my tyres all year round, hence why i got the vredesteins, should be a happy medium between summer and winter use. i think husky has new alloys but will use his rays in the winter to save the big sparkly ones he has, but it may be a case of new rubber all round as the stones and nankangs might be running low. personally if he's going to spend £500 on rubber he might as well get the ultrac sessantas oooHH.... New Alloys Husky?? kept that quiet.. What ya got and wheres the pics

Your not seriously thinking of spending over 500 nicker on tyres for winter are you ??? I had Bridgestones on last winter and they were fine, I was driving sideways alot admittedly but it was fun