Tarmac@TarmacSportz

Cheers guys Mods take note, this one was even a clean joke

Cheers Spaceman !!! I wont be selling just yet.... Mrs has got a Focus Husky - If only life was that simple

I paid an extra £10 for the nordic non drop so im gonna say it as much as I like Nixy I bought the tree, the missus chose the decorations, if it was left to me it would have multi coloured tinsel and fibre optic things on it but she wasnt having it

Oldie but a goodie The Morning after the Office Party. Jack woke up with a killer hangover after attending his firm's Christmas Party. He didn't even remember how he got home. It's 8.30. What day is it ? Thursday. His wife must have gone to work. As he struggled into consciousness through the fog of a pounding headache, his stomach plummeted as he wondered what the hell he did last night. He forced himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he saw was a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a little vase of sweet peas, freshly picked from the garden. He sat up. The bedroom was clean and tidy, - there was no trail of drunkenly abandoned clothes, fresh air was coming in through the window and all was serene. He stumbled to the bathroom, also pristine, and, squinting gingerly into the mirror, saw that he had a black eye. This was not a good sign, but no memories were returning. As he concentrated hard on getting the world into focus, he saw a post-it note stuck on the corner of the mirror. It was written in red, with little hearts on it and a kiss from his wife. 'I'll ring your office and tell them you won't be in today. Breakfast is in the oven. Try to eat something and go back to bed for the morning. There's snooker on TV this afternoon. Take it easy today, hope your eye doesn't hurt too much. See you tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian. x ' He stumbled to the kitchen and sure enough, there was hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the newspaper. His teenaged son was sitting at the table, eating. Jack, bracing himself, asked his son what happened the previous night. ' Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door. ' Confused, he asked his son, 'So, why is everything in such perfect order, aspirins by the bed, a nice note from Mum and breakfast waiting for me?' His son replied, 'Oh THAT!... Mum dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your trousers off, you screamed, 'Leave me alone you slapper, I'm married!!' Broken Coffee Table £250 Hot Breakfast £3.50 Two Aspirins 20p Saying the right thing, at the right time...... PRICELESS

Thanks Zedwagon/CS Umm neither, she is a bit upset and a bit emotional today tbh I will cheer her up later, bless her

I hate people who dont say thanks It makes me soooooo angry !!!! If I had a missile launcher on my zed I would use it on these people - no fuss !!

Thanks guys..... im shi**ing myself.... I thought I had more time to get things done... I wanted to see the world, do a skydive and reach rank 70 on Modern Warfare.... How the hells am I gonna fit all that in in two poxy weeks

Well We had a visit with the consultant this morning.... Baby Tarmac has had a growth spurt.... The missus's belly has grown 7cm since the last visit which got the consultants panicking... quote.. ' that baby is not coming out a day later than 38 weeks'.... we have got to see the midwife 3 times a week from now until then..... OMG I thought I had more time .... Still they know what they are doing more than me, I was hoping to 'youtube' a natural Birth but never mind, safety is paramount and as long as they are both ok thats the main thing !!! So there you have it... two weeks tomorrow I will be quitting Modern Warfare selling the Zed and getting a Volvo !! Wish us luck

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/soci ... 912152310/

This is ours, looks loads better in real life... Iphones cameras are toss !!! No pressies, we aren't buying much this year, plus I just treated her to a new corner sofa and me to a Zorst The tree is a 6ft nordic non drop, last year we will have a real one for a while

Needs some tyre shine though

Epic build Took me ages to read all that but well worth it !!! Makes me miss my Supra

Dude - that sounds awesome, its the kind of thing I would buy... problem is I would do the same as you and be on here selling it after 6 months !!!! I better save the money for something more practical... oh and ...... Good luck with the sale... I sold Diet shakes on here so anythings possible lol

Cheers guys - I think I will ask for it, looks good on the adverts

me likey What a bargain - Im gonna keep an eye out for some of these

Has anyone played unchartered 2 ? Was thinking about asking Santa for it

Im out with the lads for a few cheeky xmas beers ! I would be forced to watch it if I was in and will prob watch tommorrow... I don't mind if Olly wins but I reckon it will be that ponce Joe, im sorry if I offend anyone but I cant stand his warbling voice, drives me up the wall, I find him so cheesey and naff - everyone else loves him tho... dont get it Stacey was ok at first but when she talks I just wanna throw the remote through the tv - nice singing voice tho, I reckon it will be between her and Joe

As long as I get some aftershave I ain't fussed ! Love aftershave

Ive used them a couple of times on cheaper cars ive owned, both jobs were ok but you could tell on close inspection. I would rather pay a bit extra to a recommended bodyshop on my Zed but glad you have had a good job done - there has been a few horror stories in the past

by me? its not something i do often tbh Not you.

Well its only two weeks till Santa comes... have you been a good girl ?

Its a shame we can't see how many posts have been made by you with Smileys only

Nutters